Holding On

Rose, the word ponders around my crammed mind and all it ever picks out is the color red. Red, the color of love, anger, blood. My name is inexplainable. My life, was inexplainable, until I met him.


17. Bad at Keeping Secrets

I was excited. This was the first time I was going to the beach this summer. I threw open my drawers and grabbed the first bathing suit I saw. It was a white bikini that had pink lace embroidered into it. I tried it on and it fit perfectly.

Next I had to pack my bag. I packed sun tanning lotion, my Ray Bans,  towel with a sunglasses pattern, and an extra change of clothes.

When I was done I put on a crop top with a cat graphic on it. The cat was wearing a galaxy bow tie. I put back on the shorts I was wearing previously, and slipped on hot pink flip flops. I glanced at the clock. "11:25." I whispered. I should probably be heading outside.

I walked out the front door, but only Niall was there to greet me.

"Where are the others?" I questioned looking around. Niall gestured to the car.

"They're all in bitchy moods." Niall confessed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh..." I whispered, knowing I was the reason for it.

"Well, let's get going." Niall opened the car door for me, and I smiled weakly and thanked him. I placed myself next to Zayn, and Niall followed next to me. Everyone was busy texting or listening to music, except for Louis. He scowled at me and looked out the window.

"Haz, is Sam coming?" Liam questioned, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yea. She's coming from work so she's meeting us there." Harry smiled and went back to playing on his phone.

The entire car ride was quiet and awkward. A wave of relief hit me when Paul finally yelled out that we were at the beach.

Everyone jumped out of the car and ran to the shore, but I stayed back. I felt horrible, and knew I was the reason for everyones terrible morning. Just then I heard a voice call my name.

"Hey Rose!" I looked up and saw Sam watching me from the open door. "You coming?" I nodded and got out of the car. We walked together until we reached the others.

"Hey friends!" She yelled in the most adorable voice ever. I couldn't help but laugh. Harry ran up to her and spun her around.

"Hey babe." He smiled at her and pulled her in for a deep kiss.

"Rose, come into the water! It's nice!" Niall exclaimed at me. He was the only one talking to me, which made me start to like him more. I nodded and pulled off my crop top and threw them into the sand. I did the same with my shorts.

I made my way to the water when I noticed everyone staring at me, eyes wide and mouths lost in the waves.

"Wh-what?" I questioned.

"Rose? What are those?" Zayn asked me, his voice full of concern, causing Harry and Sam to break apart and look at me.

It was then when it hit me. I looked at my thighs. There they were, my fresh cut marks open to the world. The tears began to swell in my eyes, and I ran and grabbed my shorts. The boys jumped out of the water and ran after me.

I found my way to Louis' jaguar, and hopped in, slamming the door and locking them all. I brought my knees to my face and began to sob. How could I let this happen? I should have just kept my shorts on, they wouldn't have known.

They all were banging on the tinted windows. "LET US IN, ROSE!" I wasn't going to.

"G-go have fun without me! I'll be fine just go okay?!" I screamed at them, my voice cracking at the word fun.

"IF YOU DON'T OPEN THESE DOORS NOW WE'RE GONNA BREAK THEM!" Harry yelled, smacking at the windshield. I shook my head and searched for the keys. Paul left them in the glove box. I quickly started up the car.

"Rose! Stop! You're making a big mistake!" Liam yelled. I was bawling uncontrollably.

"We just want to talk to you!" Niall confessed, pulling at the door handle annoyingly and repeatedly.

"What if it's just me?" A feminine voice asked, obviously it being Sam. "All the other lads will go swimming and play. Just let me in I promise it will be just me." I wiped my red eyes and mumbled the word yes. I could hear feet scuffing away from the car.

"Okay it's just me now." She stated. I unlocked the back door and Sam climbed in and grabbed me into a hug.

I sobbed into her shoulder while she rubbed circles into my back. But then, someone else climbed into the car with us.

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