Glass


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2. Theresa Jean Collins

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Sweet and Innocent would be a lie. I am no where near that, and don't have the desire to be. I am not what you think. I'm a monster hiding behind a so-called 'pretty face'. I  have issues, I realized. Never felt love in my life. I was never wanted. I was never respected. I had to grow up the life of a boy, since my father never wanted a girl. I was forced to work as much as my brother. I usually failed, along with everything else in my life. You see, living the life of poverty isn't easy. My father blamed us, and I believed him for a while. I mean, if me and Billy were never born...Then my family would have money. But thats not what happened. And now, Billy was ripped out of my life, my heart, and my home.
        He was 24, when he died in a land mine explosion in Iraq. He was in the army and risked life and limb for his country. I honored him and looked up to him. But the fact that my father was right there beside him and was still alive, boggles my mind. He's still there. Has been for four years. He hasn't taken a leave, a vacation, nothing. I don't know why he wouldn't come back to see his suffering family. Maybe that was it. Maybe he wanted to suffer. But no, that wasn't right. No, he caused us, mostly me, more pain and suffering than any human being should have to endure. And I did. Since I started drinking and smoking since I was 16, I was hooked. Yes, I was an alcoholic, and yes I was a smoker. I have been cutting since I was 14, and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. My life needs to end, but I don't know why I haven't gone yet.
        This may seem very dark, disturbing, and down right awful, but I know something good must come out of a life like mine. Maybe its the skill I have at photography. Yes, a girl like me has a dream, a want, and the need. I need this to bounce back. To make my life different. Maybe meet a friend, have a relationship, and stop all the things that I'm doing to myself. Because I know that if I continue, my life is numbered by the years. My skin is so pale now because of the alcohol and cigarettes. I cant stop. I need someone to show me the light. Show me a way out of this hell hole. If only I had listened to Billy earlier, then I would be out of this life, and maybe even successful.

        But enough of this depressing shit. My favorite color is orange, bright, I know. I love animals, especially my best buddy Oliver :3 . Photography is my dream. I have a special talent for it, along with fixing cars. I am afraid to eat and my father. I have a few tattoos: 
desisnap.com/image.php?id=EF4E_4F682680&jpg (But It Says Billy)

It means a lot, mostly the truth. Billy's name is tattooed over my heart, right where he belongs. I was thinking of getting Oliver's name tattooed on my wrist, but I have over 24 scars on that wrist. It was too much for me to handle. I don't cover the scars up too much, but I know in my heart that they are still there. Did I mention I had a thing for thunder and lightning storms? I don't know what it is, but whenever theres one going on, Im always drawn to open fields where the rain can pelt me full on. It feels as though I have a connection with my brother and the electricity is his emotions and the thunder is his thoughts. My biggest want in life? To have someone come into my life by accident, stay on purpose, and give me something I've never had. Or else my life will shatter like glass. A billion pieces, with no hope of recovery.

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