See Through

Olivia Adams isn't alive, but she isn't dead either. Somewhere between heaven and hell lies perpetual purgatory, and she's inevitably stuck in it. There's unfinished business to be tended to, but the question of what it is remains unanswered. She walks the streets of New York City with tears in her eyes, but nobody notices the girl that barely exists. Until a beautiful day. Niall Horan has found her, and he sees and feels and hears her. She's falling in love with him, even though she's frightened since her last lover took her very own life. Through Niall, Olivia is able to reconnect with her sister, Jessi, and exist as if she never left. But, what happens when a dark mass tries to ruin any chance Olivia has of living again? Will the mass get to her, allowing her spirit to move on? Will she be able to fight it off long enough to become human again? Or, will she forever remain see through?


19. Too Fast



Wounds are only fresh for a period of time, that I've come to know. Seeing Olivia there at the showcase only made me miss her even more, but of course that was an hallucination. She wasn't there because she's gone. Disappeared off the face of the earth. I don't know when I'll see her again, but I hope I do someday.

They say we go one place or the other when we die: heaven or hell. In Olivia's case, she went to neither, but now that she's moved on I wonder where she is. Hell? I doubt that very seriously. Heaven? That's a great possibility. I don't know if heaven exists, but if it does, she's there.

“Do you wanna go get a bite to eat?” Louis asks, glancing over at me from the TV. I manage to look up from my magazine to meet his eyes. There's fear there for some reason. “We could go to Chili's before the concert.”

“No thanks,” I say politely. “I'm not that hungry.”

“Okay,” he replies with a sigh. “I just thought you'd like to do something...for once.” He turns his attention back to the television, leaving me with a ping of guilt. Despite how much time we spend together, we never really do anything besides sit around. He doesn't go out with the guys because he doesn't want to leave me by myself, so basically he sits around like a vegetable.

I feel kind of bad, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to do anything but sit and think.

About ten minutes later the guys come through the hotel room door. “Hey mate!” Liam shouts, jumping onto the couch. “You missed a good movie.”

“Yeah, and Niall snaggin' bitches,” Zayn adds with a snicker while Niall slaps him on the shoulder.

“What?” Louis asks, confused.

“Well,” Harry begins, “we were at the cinema and this girl asked for Niall's number.”

“Did he give it to her!?” I hear myself shout. Jessi what is wrong with you?

“Yeah...” says Liam, looking at Niall awkwardly. “Why wouldn't he?”

“BECAUSE!!” I snarl, jumping from my sit and throwing my magazine onto the table.

Niall stands up too and puts his hands on my shoulders, attempting to calm me down. I don't even know what I'm saying, but I do know I'm yelling. Loudly. Bitterly. I'm so angry I could gun down an entire army and live to tell the tale.

“Jessi, calm down,” he says, and I snap back into reality. “Olivia would want me to move on.”

“Not this soon...” I whisper, tears welling up my eyes. “Because if you move on this soon it's just a reminder that she isn't coming back this time.”

He studies my eyes for a minute, pausing time around us. Although the room is full, it feels like it's just us standing there. Like we're connected by some piece of humanity that didn't get a chance to experience life.

“You don't think I miss her?” he asks. “It's hell waking up every day knowing she's not going to be there to tell me good morning. But you know what? I have to get through it some way, some how. I have to explore because if I don't, I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. I don't want to do that.”

“But she loved you...”

“I know that.”

“So why would you just forget her?”

“Jessica, come on. I will never, ever forget her. Sure, I gave a girl my number. That doesn't mean I'm going to marry her. It's been three months since she left, and I don't even know if I want another relationship right now. All I know is that I have to move on. Some day.”

There you have it. Niall will move on one day and he'll get married and have his own family with a nice girl from God-knows-where. Harry, Liam, and Zayn will all grow old and have babies of their own. As for me and Louis, who knows what the future holds?

“Jessi,” says Liam, “It's time to let go of what used to be, and hold on to what is.”

“Daddy direction speaks again,” I mumble with a giggle, wiping my eyes. I find Louis and take his lap, wrapping my arms around his torso. “I'm sorry,” I whisper to him.

“Don't be,” he replies, kissing my head. “Don't you dare be sorry.”

I think I'll call up that producer and try to get a record deal. Maybe I'll even go to college or start my own business. I have to let go of the past and move forward. It's not gonna be easy, but Liam's right. Letting go is all I have left to do, so that's what I'm going to pursue.






The mass is gone. I don't know where it went, or why, but it's not here anymore. I stared right at it as it moved toward me, and as soon as it touched me, it was gone within a blink of an eye. Maybe the paranormal people were wrong about this mass thing. Maybe it wasn't out to get me at all. If anything else, I feel more human than ever.

Especially now.

In this moment, holding this phone to my ear and dialing the number I thought I'd forgotten. After the first three rings, a young male's voice picks up the line. “Hello?” it says.


“Yes, who is this?” I breathe a sigh of relief, realizing he can hear me. I don't know how this is going to go, but I have to at least try. He'll probably think it's a joke but what do I have to lose?

“Don't you recognize my voice?”

The line is silent for a few seconds before a broken voice echoes through the speaker. “”


“What are you playing at?!” He sounds angry, and scared. My god does he sound scared.

“Jimmy, I swear it's me!”

“Whoever you are, you have a sick fucking mind.”

I hear a click and the line goes dead. I hang up the payphone and slide down in the booth. This can't be happening to me right now. I can't meet him and my father face-to-face. That would just freak them out because I'm supposed to be dead.

Honestly I wish I could just go back in time and stop myself from ever going anywhere near Brian. That would have made a world of difference, obviously. If I hadn't, I would be alive right now. Jessi and I would still be the sisters we were, Andrea would still be our friend, and my life would be something worth living.

However, I wouldn't have Niall. By some freaky twist of fate, being murdered by Brian lead me to the love of my afterlife, and I'm grateful for that. But, I wish it didn't take death to meet him.

Since the showcase, I haven't done much. I walk around New York, hang out at Jessi's apartment, and pretend that I actually have somewhere to be. I don't know. Maybe I'll move someplace and get a job...given that most people actually see me.

Maybe I'm human now. Is there anyway to tell? The mass is gone, so how do I know for sure?

Days pass. Moments and minutes and times pass. I'm just living.

That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Living...





Jessi is a mess, whether she sees it or not. Regardless, I'm feeling a lot for her. We've been together five, maybe six months. Neither of us bother to keep track. All we know is we love each other, and that's enough. Who cares about being romantic. As long as we have right now, we're good.

The cab pulls up to the shop and I hop out, rubbing the back of my head nervously. “Are you sure about this Lou?” Liam asks, following me into the store. “I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for.”

“I'm not gonna do it right away,” I reply. “I'll give it some more time. I just want to buy it now so it'll remind me that I do love her, despite all the things she's going through. Even if life doesn't go the way she plans, I'll love her through it.”

“I still think you're moving too fast.”

“Maybe I am. That doesn't matter. We have all our lives to do this. Nothing's definite yet.”

I go up to the clerk and ask for their finest, and she gives it to me. There's no question of which one I should get. Right when I see it dazzling on display, I know it's the perfect symbol of what I feel for her.

“When are you gonna do it?”

“Probably her birthday.”

“Dude, that's in three weeks, are you kidding me?!”

“Hey!” I say to him, paying the clerk the insane amount of money. “Don't question my actions, okay? This is what I want. This is what I've always wanted, actually. I almost had it with El, but you see how that went. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know Jessi would never hurt me like that.”

I take the bag from the counter and head back outside, the Florida heat radiating down on us. “I guess you should do whatever makes you happy,” he says finally.

“Being with Jessi makes me happy.”

“Then be with her.”

“I will, but first I have to plan the best birthday party she's ever had. Luckily we don't have a show that night, so I'm thinking something big and exciting. Any ideas?”

He hesitates, thinking to himself. “Well,” he says, “we'll be in London then. Why not have big blowout at Harry's house?”

“Hmm, not bad. I'll talk to him about it.”

Regardless of what we do on her birthday, nothing compares to what I'm going to do. Call it a leap of faith if you want, but I'm ready to jump into it. I don't want to sit around and act like nothing matters anymore. I'm ready for this. When I look into those eyes and feel her kiss on my lips, I know I'm ready to be whatever it is she wants me to be.





Florida girls are a lot different than I imagined. I thought they stayed at the beach all day, lounging in the sun, drinking and partying like it's their last day to live. Oh how I was completely wrong. This girl is the complete opposite of that.

“Hey,” I say with a smile, sitting down at her table at Starbucks. “How are you?” So maybe I didn't tell Jessi that ended up talking to this girl, but what Jessi doesn't know won't hurt her.

“Good,” she says, returning the grin and putting her harlequin novel down. “Just waiting for you. How about you?”

“I've been better. I was actually kind of nervous about meeting you.”

She giggles. “Why? I'm the easiest person to talk to.”

“It's nothing personal. I get nervous around beautiful girls.”

Okay, Niall, calm yourself. Don't overdo this. To my surprise, she blushes, her thick blonde hair falling down in front of her eyes. “Thanks,” she says shyly as if she doesn't believe it.

“So, Zoey,” I begin, “I know we've texted a lot the past few days, but I still don't know that much about you.”

“Well, I live in New York City. I'm in Florida on vacation with my family, much to my dismay. I really don't know to be honest...I like to read, as you can see. I prefer comfort over fashion, and I plan to be a writer. That's about it.”

“I like you already,” I say, winking at her. She blushes again and instantly I'm reminded of a beautiful, angelic girl with a soft face, long brown hair, and eyes I could always lose myself in. She's there in my mind, shadowing over this moment like some kind of dream.

Zoey's cool, but I'd rather have Olivia over anything. ANYTHING.







A/N: I'm soooo sorry you guys!! If you'll all read the comment I posted about a month ago, you'll know why it's been taking so long. I hope you understand. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!<3

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