See Through

Olivia Adams isn't alive, but she isn't dead either. Somewhere between heaven and hell lies perpetual purgatory, and she's inevitably stuck in it. There's unfinished business to be tended to, but the question of what it is remains unanswered. She walks the streets of New York City with tears in her eyes, but nobody notices the girl that barely exists. Until a beautiful day. Niall Horan has found her, and he sees and feels and hears her. She's falling in love with him, even though she's frightened since her last lover took her very own life. Through Niall, Olivia is able to reconnect with her sister, Jessi, and exist as if she never left. But, what happens when a dark mass tries to ruin any chance Olivia has of living again? Will the mass get to her, allowing her spirit to move on? Will she be able to fight it off long enough to become human again? Or, will she forever remain see through?


17. Life Goes On



More days pass, probably close to weeks. Lately I can never tell. It's early May, the summer is really kicking it in to gear. The east coast is beautiful this time of year, but not as beautiful as that girl I so long to see. How will I ever get over this? Sometimes we really don't have all the answers....

On stage, I feel better. The fans scream our names and cheer for us, and that allows me to get rid of the bitterness I've been building up. Thank God for them. We exit the stage and the first face I see is Jessi's, and honestly it's hard to look at her. She looks more like Olivia now than ever.

“Hey,” she says to Louis. “How was work?”

“Perfect,” he replies, bending down to give her a kiss.

Oh how I wish to kiss Olivia's perfect lips, and give her the life that she needs. But it's too late. I don't know where the mass took her, but I know she's still here somehow. She's watching over us, and that's comforting to think about. I smile to myself while taking out my ear piece and Liam notices.

“Happy much?” he asks with a laugh.

“Just thinking about her,” I reply. “She's watching over us.”

“I think so too,” he says, giving me pat on the back. “I think it'll be okay. Jessi might need a little more time, but it's getting better.”

“I guess,” I mumble. Liam goes off to see Lena and I'm left here thinking about her. It's all I ever seem to do anymore.

We get back to the hotel around 2:00am, and while the guys are in the lounge having their little party, I'm enclosed in my bedroom chugging vodka. Somehow it helps to ease the pain...numbs my heart for brief moment. It's so different being shut up in a room without her in it. Nobody's cracking those lame little jokes or kissing me so perfectly. She's not here, and it's starting to sink it more and more.

Luckily, the more I drink the more I forget. So that's what I do...I drink the pain away.







Louis and the boys turn up the music, pull up a video game, and bring out the liquor. It's actually amusing to watch them drunkenly try to play Call of Duty, minus Liam of course. Apparently he doesn't drink, which doesn't surprise me. He always seems to be the level-headed one out of the bunch.

I give in and grab a drink myself, watching them shout at each other over the game. “Ridiculous, aren't they?” Lena says, joining me on the sofa. “Liam's tried to get them to calm down, but you know how they are. Where's Niall?”

“In his room,” I answer. “I guess he needs to keep to himself. He's still pretty upset.”

“I see. What about you? Are you doing okay?”

I appreciate her concern for me. Lena and I never really talked before this. I mean, sure, we had small conversations here and there but she never really cared about how I was or how I was feeling. “I'm doing better,” I respond with a smile. “I still think about her sometimes, which results in a crying fit. But, it's getting easier to go about life.”

“That's good,” she laughs. “I'm proud of you. Olivia wouldn't want you to be sad forever.”

I look over at her and grin. “You're absolutely right.”

The next morning I wake up way before anyone else, due to their bad hangovers. I climb out of bed, careful not to wake Louis, and make a phone call.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hello?” a groggy man's voice says on the other end.

“Hey dad,” I whisper.

“Jessi! Honey, where have you been? I've been to your apartment hundreds of times and you're never there. Andrea said you quit your job. It's been months and you never answer your phone. I haven't talked to you since your accident.”

“Actually dad, I've been everywhere. Don't worry though, I'm with Niall on tour.”

“I like that boy,” he says. “He's good to you.”

“Yeah...look I need a favor.”

“Anything princess.”

“I want to do another showcase. We'll be back in New York in about a week, and I need you to book a spot at Martin's Plaza, okay? And I want to give you all the proceeds, because I'm doing it in Olivia's memory.”

The line is silent as he takes in what I've just told him. I know he's surprised that I actually want to do a showcase. “Sure, sweetie,” he says. “I'm so proud of you. Olivia would be too.”

I smile and say goodbye to him as Niall comes from his room. “You're doing a showcase?” he asks.

“Yeah, not for producers or anything. Just for Olivia. You should come. They'll be lots of people there. I mean, I probably won't be that good. I haven't done a show in forever, and I'll probably freeze on stage. But I'd like all of you to be there.”

“Say no more,” he says with a fake grin.

I don't know where I'd be without these boys, Niall in particular. I would still be working at the museum, walking around New York City like a empty bottle of sorrow. When he brought Olivia back to me, and Louis, that changed me. I'll be forever grateful.

Where do I go now? I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never come...








The mass is literally two feet away, and I'm standing there in front of it like some strong coward that's brave on the outside and scared out of my mind on the inside. I'm ready to go wherever it is I'm supposed to be. Wherever it has to take me, I'm letting it. Why fight nature? Why fight the people who hate me, since their anger and hatred is what fuels this thing anyway?

What do I have left to lose?

“Come on,” I say. “I'm ready.”

It swarms over me and I feel the rush of wind, and tingling all over my body as it envelopes me. I twist, turn, and rotate like putty in its hands. All I can see is darkness, and bolts of lightning....or maybe it's just an electric current, I have no idea.

My body is being ripped apart by this force, tearing what's left of my soul to pieces until finally, it drops me and fades away. The area around me is breath-taking. I'm sitting in the grass, and there's daises and sunflowers all around me...almost like some kind of garden. To my left is a huge field of these wild flowers, and a huge line of people. To my right, there's a river and a bridge that the people are crossing over. However, the disappear when the get to the edge.

I stand to my feet and dust myself off, trying my hardest to get a glimpse of what's on the other side. But, no matter how I try, all I can see is white. Nervously, I go up to one of the people and tap him on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” I say. “But what's over there?”

He turns and smiles. Something about his face is vaguely familiar. “Where the good people go.”

“Should I be afraid?”

“Of course,” he says. “It's a new chapter, and a new beginning. Those can be terrifying if you're not ready. Are you ready?”

“I....I have no idea.”

“I've been told I'm a wise person, Olivia,” he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “And if that's true, then I only have one bit of advice to give you. If you die, and you're not ready to cross over, she knows. She'll make sure you remain on earth if she knows you still have things to do.”



“But, how do you know that? And, how do you know me?”

“It's amazing,” he says with a chuckle, “how much good you can do just by giving an old homeless man some spare change.” I notice his smile then and realize who he is. “You can wake up now, Olivia.”

My eyes flutter open and I realize I must've fallen asleep on Jessi's couch. That dream felt almost intoxicating, but it gave me a good message. I know now that I can't let that mass get to me. Ever. I have too much to live for, like Jessi and Niall, and my future.

I can't give in, no matter how badly it makes me want to.








“Hey,” Jessi says, entering my hotel room. “How are you doing?”

“What's it matter?” I scoff. “It doesn't matter how good or bad I do. It's not going to bring her back.” Her face drops and I know I've hurt her. “Sorry,” I say sort of insincerely as she sits down on my bed.

“You know, I thought she could do it. I thought she could win.” A tear spills from her eye and I just can't. I don't know how to do this emotion thing. I mean, I cry all the time by myself but I just can't comfort other people besides Olivia.

“We all did,” I reply half-heartedly. “But she just couldn't. The mass was stronger.”

“Yeah...I just...I just feel like I have nothing left to look forward to.”

“Me too. Without her here everything is so different. The air, the mood, the feel of the world.”

“It's like it's empty,” she adds.

“Right!” I agree. “How do you deal with something like this?”

“You get through it,” she says, “and life goes on.”

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