See Through

Olivia Adams isn't alive, but she isn't dead either. Somewhere between heaven and hell lies perpetual purgatory, and she's inevitably stuck in it. There's unfinished business to be tended to, but the question of what it is remains unanswered. She walks the streets of New York City with tears in her eyes, but nobody notices the girl that barely exists. Until a beautiful day. Niall Horan has found her, and he sees and feels and hears her. She's falling in love with him, even though she's frightened since her last lover took her very own life. Through Niall, Olivia is able to reconnect with her sister, Jessi, and exist as if she never left. But, what happens when a dark mass tries to ruin any chance Olivia has of living again? Will the mass get to her, allowing her spirit to move on? Will she be able to fight it off long enough to become human again? Or, will she forever remain see through?


24. Empty

                I’ve never asked you for much. And a lot of time it was hard to believe you even existed. But I know now that you do, and I’m begging you to show me some mercy. I’m so thankful for the life you’ve given me, but I’m lost, God. I need her. I need her like lungs need oxygen to breath. I need her like the flowers need water to grow. You know what’s best for me, and I trust you to guide me in all the right directions. But God, don’t do this for me. Do this for her. She deserves this chance at a new life with all of our memories intact. She’s tried so hard…please, send her back here to us.






                Awaken. You’re alive, and you’re breathing and your heart is beating through your chest. Blood is pumping through your veins and you can see the sun rising through your bedroom window. You can taste the early morning on the tip of your tongue, feel the cozy bedsheets upon your relaxed body, smell the hint of coffee and pancakes coming from the kitchen, and hear faint laughter from those you love. Your senses are there, and so are you. You’re just alive, but are you living? Are you really?

                When it comes down to it, you might not be. I thought living meant not being dead, but in all reality, it has turns out that living is so much more than that. Living is what you make of the time you have when you’re alive, if that makes sense. I didn’t ever live, not really. I was just alive, and I never fully lived until after I died, and I figured it out the hard way.

                Sleep. It’s all over now…every tear, every heartache, everything you’ve ever known, gone in an insant, and you’re thinking, where did my life go? I should have done this, I should have done that. I wish I had more time to make things right. But sweetheart, your hourglass has ran out of sand and your time is up. It’s over for you, and you’re just left with your could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.

                I remember being fifteen years old, Jessi  thirteen or fourteen, and she took a pair of my shoes without asking. I was so angry at her that I screamed “I HATE YOU”  right in her face. I shouldn’t have done that. And then there was the time Jessi had a major showcase and I was too caught up in Brian to even care. I could have gone, but I didn’t.
                Of course, let’s not forget the fact I could have left Brian the first time he got violent with me. I would have, but I was so scared of him and of being alone that I was blindsighted by my own selfish wants. And where did that get me? I’m sure you know by now.

                My body lies six feet under in a large cemetary in New York. On the stone there’s ADAMS in giant letters and underneath, Olivia Jane with my birthdate…and of course, death date. There’s so many things I wish I did differently, and so many things I still wanted to do, like go to college, get married, and have a family. But that’s all over for me now, because I’m asleep forever, and I let so many things put me in this position.

                Let me tell you this, you shouldn’t be afraid to say yes, and you shouldn’t be afraid to say no. When it hurts, cry…but not forever. Get back up on your feet and keep going because those tears don’t wash away your problems. Don’t think you have all the time in the world, because your last breath is a question mark, and you never know when you’ll see someone for the final time. Make memories, and never ever regret something you once wanted.

                I know this sounds cliché, and hey, maybe I am, but it’s the best advice I can give to anyone. I’m on my way up somewhere, over the clouds, into the morning, where the sun always shines and goodbyes only mean until tomorrow…

                Crossing Over.





                As I wake up from what seems like the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while, I feel this lurch in the pit on my stomach and my heart fills with an unknown sadness. Which, in all honesty, feels right. I should be on my knees crying but I don’t feel I have a reason to. And, on top of that, my body feels like I’ve been thrown through a damn window.

                “Good morning sunshine,” Louis says as I walk into his kitchen. I see Niall asleep on the couch with Harry in the floor, although I don’t remember them spending the night…or even being here for that matter. “Are you hungry?”

                I nod and take a seat at the bar while he scoops me out some eggs onto a plate. “When did Niall and Harry get here?” I ask him out of curiosity.

                “I guess they came in late after we were asleep.”

                I eat my food in silence, although Louis is talking ninety-five miles an hour about the show they’ll be doing in a couple of days. I hear him but I don’t listen…I just think. Something doesn’t feel quite right. I’m not sure what, but something.

                “And if we do go back to the states,” he’s saying as I snap back to reality. “I’d love to meet your dad and your brother. You’re so lucky you didn’t have to grow up with five sisters. I’d love to only have one sibling. They live in New York, right?” I nod again and he stops cooking to look straight at me. “Jessi, what’s wrong?”

                “I just feel odd this morning.”

                He shrugs. “I do too…but I think we just had a long day yesterday.”

                “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

                But no, that’s not probably it. Yesterday was long, but today something is out of place. There’s a piece to this puzzle and it’s missing, but I’m not positive what it is or where to find it. Louis isn’t as intuitive as I can be, so he doesn’t realize this lack of energy…lack of life.

                Louis and I have been together for a while, and even though I know how much I love him, our entire journey together seems fuzzy. The memories are there, but blurry and choppy like parts had been cut out or didn’t happen how I thought they did.

                We met through Niall and Harry. Niall sent me a message on facebook saying he had to talk to me. And when we got there, he had nothing to say. It was strange how he seemingly “forgot” what he had to talk to me about, but regardless, Andrea and I became friends with him and Harry. And then I met Louis, who is probably the best guy I’ve ever met.

                But none of this is making sense to me right now. I feel empty, and I desperately need to be filled.







                “NO!!!” I yell toward the sky, or wherever. “I DIDN’T WANT THIS!!!”

                Bystanders stop and stare at me like I’m a crazy lunatic, and I slowly realize that I’m completely visible to everyone.  This can’t be happening. One minute I’m crossing the bridge, not really sure where it lead to, and they next I’m thrown onto the New York City concrete. I don’t know why, I don’t know how…but I came back. Which means, I’m forgotten. And that’s ten times worse than being see through.


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