You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.

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37. Why I tried to commit Suicide.

I see Zayn sitting on the  couch with a space between him and Harry. I go to sit down next to them, seeing how far out of my comfort zone I can go. I definitely know that Zayn and I were a couple while I had my memory. Maybe it wasn't an official couple but there were a few kisses involved, some cuddling, and suicidal conversations. Now though, without my memory I'm trying to look of it as a chance to really see Zayn. I want to see his different sides and how he acts. So far I'm liking what I'm seeing, except for his temper.

As I sit down Zayn reaches down and grabs a blanket, putting it over us. I look to my right and see Bella leaning into Harry. She meets my eyes and I smile. Two of the people closest to my hearts are basically coupled with two people who are supposed to be my best friends. It definitely shocked me to discover this, but I'm happy if they're happy.

During the film, I don't know what possesses me to say this, but I turn to Zayn and say, "If we were a couple then why didn't we ever go on any dates?"

He looks shocked by question and furrows his brow, in concentration trying to think about how to answer it. "I think I was a little preoccupied with trying to keep you from ending your life. We never had a proper date, but we watched films together alone after I made dinner," He offers that as an explanation.

I can't see what would have made me try to end my life so many times by what they said. I look down at my wrist that has all of the scars and I feel both Harry and Zayn tense beside me along with feeling everyone's eyes on me. It's like even though they know I don't have my memory, they still expect me to try to commit suicide.

"I'm just looking. Calm yourselves," I tell them, without looking up from my arm.

When I do look up though, I decide to ignore them all and keep my gaze on the TV screen. But, I'm not really watching the movie. Instead I'm trying to figure out why I would want to end my life so many times when I have all of these people here for me and my life seems pretty decent.

The only thing that comes up is that my parents died almost a year ago. I'm extremely upset about, yeah, but I don't think I would end my life just because theirs did.

Suddenly, I feel like balling my eyes out. I lean into Zayn and he wraps an arm around me. A few tears slip down my cheeks and he notices. "Charlotte what's wrong?" He asks me, worried. Everyone turns to look at me.

"I don't know," I breathe as more tears fall. "I was thinking about my parents, and suddenly it was like a wave of guilt and sorrow came over me," I get out in between gasps. Everyone exchanges worried looks. "Wait," I say, trying to calm myself. "Is that why? Was their death my fault and that's why I wanted to die?" I ask no one in particular. No one says anything.

Finally Emily takes a deep breath. "Their death wasn't your fault Charlotte," Emily says. "But you thought it was," She adds quietly. I can tell that now she is trying to hold back tears.

I stand up, shaking. "How did they die?" I whisper.

"Charlotte com-"Zayn starts.

"No Zayn. I need to know," I tell him. He gets up and stands beside me.

Emily takes a deep breath. Bell goes over to Em and takes her hand, nodding. I close my eyes, waiting for her to tell me. "We were all in the car. You and I were fighting over nail polish and mom looked at us to stop. I stopped, but you continued complaining and yelling at me to give it to you even though you didn't really want it. Dad, who was driving looked back at you and that's when we crashed. Mom was killed instantly, dad pronounced dead at the hospital," Emily says. As she talks, I can see it replaying in my head.

I watch as a car comes head on at us and hits us, causing my mom to hit her head on the dash and slump forward unnaturally. The car spins and I look at Emily who looks scared and worried. We hit a telephone pole and I remember calling for my mom and her not answering. After that, the memory goes blank.

I try to open my eyes, and see everyone anticipating my reaction. I have enough time to look at everyone's face, before my vision blurs, and everything goes black.

"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable, and uncertain; not knowing what comes next,"

-------------------------------------------------Author's Note-------------------------------------------

Now that Charlotte remembers how they died, how will she react?

Why did everything go black?

Will Emily tell Charlotte that she thought it was Charlotte's fault?

Are Zayn and Charlotte going to "get back together"?

Remember to check out my other movellas and like, favourite, comment! Keep reading - I love you all!

XX Emily

 

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