You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.

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10. Tears, Tears, and guess what? More Tears

Charlotte POV

            I went out with Eleanor to go shopping. Zayn said something weird about not telling me to stay but asking me not to go. I didn't understand what the difference was between the two so I shook it off. When Eleanor and I went out I began planning. I had taken some of the money from my stash but not much.

            So when Eleanor had bought me some stuff and was in the changing room herself I took it as an opportunity to escape. I ran away first. Then I slowed to a walking speed. I came across a store and decided to use some of my money for razors to get rid of reality.

            After that I found an alley and ducked behind it. I followed it until I came to another street. Upon seeing a beverage stand, I decided to get something. However I didn't want to use some of my emergency stash so I left without paying for it; hoping the man hadn't seen a good glimpse of me.

            I ran into a different alley to get out of sight of the man just in case. I took a good sip of my coffee, but then dropped it when I saw a threatening man. "Hello beautiful," He said. I backed up to turn around and leave but he grabbed my wrist and pushed me against the wall. "I'm not done with you," He growled and pinned my arms up. He pressed his mouth against my cheek and my neck, getting fed up and annoyed with me. Tears started to roll down my cheeks because it was just like what HE had done to me so long ago. But what HE had done was much much worse.

             Then Zayn came out of no where and said to the guy that I was his girlfriend and to back off. The guy who had me pressed against the wall said no and pressed my arms up further so that they hurt. I began to get really scared because this wasn't the first time it had happened...and the ending was horrific.

             But then the guy was off of me and I was watching Zayn beat him up. Zayn hurt the guy badly and then helped me back out to the road. I was grateful that Zayn had gotten to me in time, this time, but before he wasn't and now it was all flooding back.

            On top of that, Zayn knew I had purchased more razors. I couldn't give them to him because I was too weak. So he took them out of my back pocket and threw the whole thing away. Then he began to lead me back to his car but I told him I wouldn't be able to handle life without cutting.

            I didn't know how he knew that the kisses distracted me. A kiss with Zayn was equivalent to cutting but without as much pain. But I was still confused about him and everything so I wasn't too thrilled about depending on him. So when I told him he turned to face me. He couldn't decide if he should kiss me or not because he wasn't sure how I would react. I lifted up on my tiptoes to meet him halfway and it edged off some of the pain I was going through.

           When the kiss ended he lead me back to his car. He helped me in and then got to the driver's side. I brought my knees up to my chest and started to cry. Zayn focused on driving but then when we got to his flat he called the boys and Eleanor, while standing outside.

           After he hung up he came to my side and carried me inside, in a baby cradle. I latched onto his arm because I always felt like I was going to be dropped. Plus HE used to carry me like this when I couldn't walk because of the beatings. So whenever Zayn carried me like that I would grab on so that I wouldn't fall.

          He sat down on the couch in his flat, still holding me. I sobbed hystericaly into his shirt and he pulled me closer to him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered. I shook my head and took a deep breath. "If you let it out it might help you feel better," He pressed.

         "I was so scared. I knew that guy would rape me if you hadn't showed up. And it was just like how....used to do but when HE did it, it was so much worse. But then you showed up, and....you saved me. But you weren't there when HE did it," I said quietly.

         "Love, who hurt you? If you give me a name then I can help. We can talk this out," He soothed me.

        "I cant," I told him, looking up into his eyes. A warm glow of comfort surrounded me upon making eye contact with him. He reached up to stroke my face and he wiped away the tears.

         "I'm here for you," He whispered, kissing my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me.

         "Please don't let me go," I whimpered. He held me close to him tightly, and reassuringly. I sobbed into his shirt; my crying the only sound. "It just hurt so much. He was...holding my arms so I couldn't fight and it brought back so many memories of...and I was so overwhelmed. It was so scary and painful. And then you showed up and I was wondering why you hadn't showed up the first time but it's not your fault and...I should've told someone about it first," I found myself speaking out loud.

        "Is HIS identity one of your secrets?" He asked me tentatively. 

        "No. But what he did is," I answered after a little while. "It's too hard to say his name out loud though,"

        "Well I'm here to protect you now. You're safe. But you have to stay here okay? Not here, here, but with us I mean." He said.

        "I won't leave tonight. But other than that, I make no promises," I replied. I probably wouldn't leave again anytime soon. Zayn was promising me a safe haven. But if the need to cut became too overwhelming and I had the chance, then I might be weak and take off...or at least TRY to take off because obviously I couldn't get away with Zayn.

        "Charlotte, if you let me in I can take some of the pain away," Zayn pushed. I looked at him and he was really sincere. I believe he honestly wanted to help me. And my mother's words came back to me; Zayn will help you. Trust him.

        I took a deep breath and exhaled. "I really, really can't right now Zayn. I'm working on opening up to you. But I'm really overwhelmed right now an-"I began to explain.

        "It's okay Charlotte. I believe you and I just want to let you know that you can trust me. And I know it's hard for you," He said.

         "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

         "For what?" He asked appalled. He pulled away for a second but when he saw my face, he grasped me again and I relaxed a little.

         "For causing you all of this confusion, for keeping secrets, for running away, and hurting you. For not trusting you. I'm so sorry!" A fresh flow of tears escaped me. Zayn pulled me closer against him.

         "Charlotte, oh Charlotte. You have nothing to apologize for, love. Trust doesn't come easily to people, you've gone through a lot, and as for the confusion, that comes normal with women," He tried to lighten the mood.

          "Stop. It's all my fault. You shouldn't even have to worry about me, or care about me, or pretend you like me just to keep me safe," I replied, starting to stand up.

          He stood up and I backed away slowly. I saw a paper sticking out and I grabbed it. Looking it over, I saw it had a picture of me, with all of my information saying that I was missing and my age and name. It had my aunt's information on it. "Where did you get this?" I demanded of Zayn, my voice trembling. 

         "We looked up your first name on the internet and this came up in the area of Liverpool," He answered.

         "I told you that was one of my secrets! And you just use it so that you can ship me back so I can go to rehab? Guess what Zayn, I'm not some problem that you can fix by giving me back to my family. My family, is DEAD. All I had was my aunt and my friend Belle and they are now gone too so stop trying to make me better! I'm a broken toy that can NOT be fixed!" I yelled at him, my personality heading for the switch. Zayn took a step towards me and I shook my head.

        "I didn't know you then Charlotte. But I know you now. And I know that you aren't broken. You are hurt and a little damaged but it will heal in time. We can go back to your family, but only if you choose. And as for your previous statement," He paused to run quickly at me and pick me up, "I do have to worry and care about you, BECAUSE I'm not pretending,"

        "You can't do that. Stop TRYING to do that," I begged.

        "Do what?" He questioned.

         "Toy with my feelings," I grumbled. "Put me down," I commanded, an escape plan forming in my head. 

         "I don't know if I should. Every time you say that, you always try to make a run for it. But then again, you did promise not to run tonight...hmm what do you think?" He speculated. I realized he was right. I couldn't run today at least. I didn't even think I had the energy TO run. 

         "Please, put me down," I pleaded in a softer tone. I even looked in his eyes to show him I wasn't going to do anything. Cautiously he put me down. "Can I see your phone?" I asked when he had put my down. He was holding my hands gently and we were gazing at each other.

         "Sure," He said pulling out his cell phone.

         I dialed Belle's number slowly, looking at Zayn the whole time. I dialed it so that the number was blocked. "I have to come to that concert tomorrow right?" I asked Zayn right before I hit send. He nodded. "Can you invite her?" I whispered.

         "I guess," He said. I held out the phone to him and he hit send.

        He put it on speaker so I could hear too. "Hello?" I heard Belle's voice on the line and I fell to the ground in heartbreak.

       "Hello love is this Belle?" Zayn asked.

       "It is. How can I help you?" She said.

       "I'd like to invite you to a One Direction concert tomorrow. Seating in the front with a backstage passes," He offered her. I watched in awe as he talked to her. I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing but I was using my strength while I had it.

       "And who may I ask is this?" She questioned.

       "A friend of a friend. Let's just say I have connections with the boys," Zayn told her.

      "Well sure. But don't think I'll be googoo gaga over the boys because I lost a friend a couple of weeks ago and don't really feel like it," She answered.

        "Fabulous. I'll leave two tickets under the name Belle for you along with to backstage passes," He said into the phone.

        "Wait. I have one condition. Can I meet you tomorrow?" She asked.

         I'm sure you'll see me at some point," He replied. "Good-bye love," After she said good-bye, he hung up and dropped to his knees. "It's clear that she misses you Charlotte. And I'll be with you the whole time; I promise you,"

         I layed back on the floor. "It's been a really long time since I've been happy. My parents died when I was younger and then HE came along and," I shook my head at the memory.

         "Charlotte it's okay," Zayn told me.

         "No I have to say this." I said taking a deep breath, "It's been a long time since I've been happy. But when I'm with you I get scared. Not in the same way as before though. I get scared because you bring out something in me that I haven''t felt before. It reminds me of some...not so pleasant memories, but also lets me experience something new. And even though I'm constantly hating you for caring about me and taking away my reality reliever, I also can't deny that you can help get rid of my negative feelings," I announced, not looking at him. I looked up and saw him smiling.

         "I'm glad you've trusted me enough to tell me that," He said, crouched down in the same position.

         "I'm so tired of all of this," I sighed.

         "Tired of what?" He asked.

         "Let's just say that with the day I've had, you should probably go hide the knives," I told him.

         "Can I ask you a question?" He inquired. I nodded, unsure. "Why do you grab on to my arm so tightly every time I carry you?" 

         "Josh," I whispered, and layed back down crying again.

         "What?" Zayn questioned, standing up so that he could pick me up. But I didn't want to be picked up. 

         "You asked me to let you in so I did," I said quietly.

         "But what is...that's HIS name isn't it? Josh?" Zayn seemed puzzled. I nodded. "I'm going to kill him," Zayn declared.

         "No you won't. Saying that isn't helping me," I responded.

         He composed himself and leaned down. "You're right. But I know what will," He replied, picking me up.

         "That's not helping. Will you put me down?" I asked. He shook his head and layed down on the couch, causing me to lay down too.

          He started to rub my back. I started to sit up. "Shh. Trust me on this little thing," He insisted. I relaxed into the cushions. He rubbed deeply on my back and I felt my muscles relaxing. "It's okay if you take a nap. I'll stay with you," He assured me. I did feel sleepy. And after everything today I guess I could take a nap. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, feeling warm and relaxed which I hadn't felt in a while. In my last moment of consciousness a tiny tear rolled down my cheek and I realized how much I had cried today.

"She keeps her guard up because she knows what it's like to cry herself to sleep,"

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