You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.

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8. Not a Charity Case

Charlotte POV         

              The kiss with Zayn freaked me out. He said he was keeping me here because he cared about me and because he didn't want  me to hurt myself. I thought he was just being all pop star and trying to do a good deed. But then we kissed and I felt even more confused. I realized I couldn't even stay with Zayn because now I was keeping my secrets from him. But I could start over.

              The difference is that I wouldn't be able to cut. And if I wasn't able to cut the secrets would taunt me and cause me to go crazy. Thanks to Zayn, I hadn't cut since earlier that day. And I was starting to feel the craziness after the fall. However, then Zayn and I kissed and I felt like I was in a dream. As soon as his lips touched mine I forgot all about the secrets, and the hatred, and the loss.

               When the kiss was over I couldn't help but compare Zayn to the man so long ago who had broken me. That man never kissed me sweetly. He never cared. I was so lost in the moment that I was rudely ignoring Zayn. His words snapped me out of my trance and I continued thinking about the kiss. If I thought about Zayn, everything else faded. The problem was that I wasn't sure if I was going to trust him or not.

               We walked inside and tried to avoid the awkwardness. The effects of the kiss were still lingering on my mind. Eleanor smiled encouragingly at me and I nodded before looking away. Zayn told everyone that we were going to bed as I began the ascent up the stairs.

                Zayn said I could sleep in his bed. I felt bad about taking his bed but he insisted it would be okay. After I changed in the bathroom I slipped under the covers and turned away from Zayn. He asked me if I was ready for bed and I said yes without looking at him. As I fell asleep I hoped I wouldn't wake up as the person who hated Zayn.

***

               I woke up in the morning and sat up. I was clammy because I had a night terror that had scared me. I took a couple of deep breaths with my eyes closed. I padded the area around me, searching for my razor. Then I realized how Zayn had taken it the day before and how I was stuck here with him until I "got better".

               Slowly I looked over and saw Zayn sleeping on the floor. He was kind of blocking the door but it looked like there was enough space to slip by. Quietly, I climbed out of the bed and onto the floor. I grabbed my bag that was on the other side of the bed and creeped over to the door. 

               I opened it slowly, and winced when it creaked. Zayn hadn't moved when I looked over to see if he was still sleeping. I put my bag down to open the door more. When I had the door opened I reached down to grab my bag. Something grabbed my wrist and I looked to see that it was Zayn. His eyes were still closed but his grip was firm.

              I tried to shake him off but he wouldn't let go. "Going somewhere?" He asked me.

             "Just downstairs," I lied and cringed at how unbelievable my voice sounded. "Can you let go now?" I questioned pulling on my arm. But instead of letting go he just pulled me down to him so that I was lying right up against him.

             "Why are you trying to leave?" He inquired.

             "So that I can move on with my life and you can move on with yours," I answered as if it were common sense.

             "Well then I guess you don't understand that your life is now part of my life. So neither of us can move on without the other," He replied.

             "I can," I said stubbornly.

             "Did you sleep well?" He asked.

             "No. Where is my razor?" I questioned. He opened his eyes and they met mine.

             "You don't need to cut Charlotte," He told me.

             "You don't know me Zayn. Stop trying to control my life!" I exclaimed, trying to get up despite him holding me down.

             "I could know you. If you let me in," He said calmly trapping me in his gaze.

             "I can't. I have too many secrets," I replied. I was prepared to fight with him on this but whenever we made eye contact I always lost my train of thought.

             "If you tell someone the secrets then they'll be off your chest and it will help you," He whispered.

             "I'll tell you one secret. I lived with my aunt in Liverpool because my parents are dead," I replied equally as quiet. "Can I leave now? I don't feel any better," I told him.

             "How long have they been gone?" He asked me.

             I shook my head. "You're not getting any more information," I said and turned because he wouldn't let me get up. He moved closer to me and draped an arm over me. 

             "How long have you been on the run?" Zayn inquired.

             "A couple of weeks," I shrugged. "Now will you let me go?" I demanded.

             "Tell me that you don't feel safe and warm in my arms. Tell me that even if you could still cut you would hate it here. Tell me that you hated the kiss last night. And then I'll let you go," He commanded. But I couldn't. I couldn't because I did feel safe and warm in his arms. I would voluntarily stay here if I could cut. And I did enjoy the kiss last night even though it was confusing. So the only way I would be able to leave today would be to lie to myself and Zayn and the others.

              "Just let me go. I don't enjoy being a charity case," I snapped turning back to him and trying to sit up. He held me to him though. And I mean, to him. Like my body pressed right up against his.

              He stroked my face and I tried to pull away from him. "You aren't a charity case. You are a beautiful young woman who confuses the hell out of me but does it in a gorgeous way," He told me.

              "Let me go," I tried to sound forceful and in charge but it came out in a whisper like I didn't really want it. And like the night before he moved his face towards mine and kissed me softly. I kissed him back for a moment but then the kiss built and I had a flashback to HIM and the kiss felt dangerous. I broke it off quickly and buried my head in Zayn's chest. He wrapped his arms around me protectively and didn't say anything. "Stop okay? Just stop!" I exclaimed ripping away from him after a minute. I jumped up on my feet into a defensive position.

              "Stop what love?" He asked gently, calmly getting up.

              "Stop doing...that. Stop manipulating me so that I'll stop fighting you! I don't want to stay!" I yelled.

              "Is everything okay?" I heard Eleanor's voice call through the door.

              "Yeah we're fine," Zayn replied, keeping his eyes on me. "Charlotte I swear I'm not doing this to manipulate you. But I will stop if that's really what you want," He told me softly. I faced the window opposite him so I wouldn't have to look at him. I could hear him come closer behind me. "I won't do this," He said wrapping his arms around me, "Or this," He continued, kissing my ear. "Just say the word and I'll stop,"

              I could feel my knees go weak and I wondered why Zayn had such an effect over me. Was he doing this to keep me from cutting? Or did he feel something with me? "I'm hungry," I told him, ignoring his speech thing. He pulled away, but grabbed my hand to pull me along with him. Instead of following him though, I snapped my hand away and walked past him to the door.

             When I opened the door I saw Louis and Eleanor embracing with her head on his chest. She looked up and smiled at me. "I don't want to be thought of as a charity case!" I exclaimed. "Just act normal," I insisted sighing. She nodded and looked at Zayn. He shrugged and I began the descent down the stairs. 

             I sat down at the kitchen island because Zayn didn't want to risk me with the knives. He made bacon and eggs and set them down on a plate before me. He leaned on the island and watched as me as I ate. Harry came down and was about to say something sappy when Zayn cut him off saying, "She's not a charity case," 

"Do not tell secrets to those whose faith and silence you have not already tested,"

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