You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.

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42. Kiss

The dinner is very delicious and Zayn is a gentleman the whole time. He cooked some garlic brazed chicken with cheddar mashed potatoes and buttered crescent rolls. The meal was fabulous and he served it with red wine.

"Thank you for dinner Zayn," I tell him politely. He backs out my chair and offers me his hand. I take it gladly and he leads the way outside where there is a blanket laid out on the grass. We walk over to it and lay down next to each other, looking up at the stars. 

He pulls me into his arms and I lean against him gladly, changing my gaze from him and the stars above. I look back at him again and find him looking at me. I lean up slowly and he leans down, meeting me halfway for a kiss. A surge of heat ripples through my body, starting at my lips. I pull back for a moment shocked, but I keep my eyes closed and then reach up again to kiss him. 

The warmth returns and it envelops my whole body, causing warmth everywhere. Thoughts begin to run through my mind of each kiss I'd ever shared with Zayn, all of the times we slept in his bedroom, when he first found me in the street, helping the little girl near my neighborhood - everything. All of the memories come back. 

Memories of Josh flood my mind but I push them away with thoughts of Zayn, telling myself Josh is gone and now I have Zayn. I pull back, out of the kiss and open my eyes, sitting up. "Is everything okay?" Zayn asks me. I close my eyes and search through my memories for the first time we kissed - when I almost jumped out of the window and he caught me. That was when I had no control over "the switch".  

I open my eyes and look around, thinking back to the accident and how I got hit by a car the day after I tried to commit suicide. I remember not remembering Zayn when I woke up, re-discovering my parents were dead, and feeling heat whenever I touched Zayn.

I reach over to Zayn and touch his face, just looking at him. "Thank you for this date," I tell him, beginning to stand up. He stands up with me and we head back inside. 

"So...did that make you freak out?" He asks me.

"A little bit," I answer, deciding to play like I don't remember right now. I close my eyes, trying to avoid thoughts of Josh and of my parents' death.

"What are you thinking about?" He questions.

"How my parents died," I reply honestly, looking down at my arm to see my scars. It feels like I just woke up but that at the same time I've still been awake - the feeling is extremely weird. Like, I know I cut myself yesterday, but I have to look down to really realize it. And, I feel like it's been forever since I really cut. "I...um...I think I'm ready for bed," I say.

"Okay," He replies, unsure of what to say. "Remember that if you get...bad thoughts...to come to me okay? No matter what time it is," He says, scratching the back of his head. 

"Goodnight Zayn," I tell him, kissing his cheek quickly and beginning to walk away. He catches my arm and pulls me back to look at him. 

"Goodnight Charlotte," He pulls me in for a hug. I begin to head upstairs to his room and I notice that my ankle feels heavy - oh yeah I kinda sprained it so it's wrapped up. 

Once in Zayn's room I change into my nightie and lay down, thinking about everything. There's only one thing that clearly keeps running through my mind - I'm in love with Zayn. 

***

The next morning I wake up disappointed. I remember that I'm pretending that I don't remember and so that's why I'm alone in Zayn's bed. I try to figure out how I feel about cutting. Now that I remember, I crave to feel what it's like to cut. But the after-accident me understands that I don't need to cut to get by. The after-accident me also understands that it isn't my fault my parents died and I'm in the process of forgiving Emily along with facing what happened with Josh.

I head downstairs to find all of the boys, Eleanor, Belle, and Emily. "Good morning," I say unsurely to all of them, taking a seat next to Zayn.

"How would you feel about coming to an interview with us?" Harry asks.

"Sure, whatever," I answer after a moment. "Right now?" I ask.

"In about an hour," Liam says. 

"Is there breakfast?" I question, getting up and heading to the kitchen. I get to the kitchen and look at the knives. All of them trailing behind me, Zayn notices. Zayn immediately grabs me in his arms and Eleanor pulls the knives towards her and away from my distance.

I don't need the knives to cut. But I feel that I need to actually hold one to show myself that I don't need it. "Zayn please," I tell him, looking at the knife.

"No. Charlotte you don't need to hurt yourself." Eleanor motions the others out of the room so it's just the three of us. 

"Zayn," I say. I look at him, straight in the eyes. "I need you to trust me," I tell him. I look back at Eleanor as well. "I need you to trust me," I repeat to her.

They look back and forth at each other. I can tell El understands. She puts the knives down, but Zayn looks warily at me. I meet his eyes again. "Trust me," I say again. Slowly and unsurely he releases me.

At snail speed I move to the knives. I take one out of the holder. "Charlotte," Zayn says panicked.

"Hold on," Eleanor tells him calmly, prepared to react with whatever happens. I look at the knife and turn it over in my hand. 

This knife doesn't control you. And neither do those razors. They helped you when you didn't have anything or anyone but now you have Zayn. Now you have people to depend on and you know how to deal with your problems. Wrists are for bracelets, not for cuts. Your scars show you've gone through a battle - but you aren't in a war.

I tell myself this twice, and then put the knife back in the holder. I look up at Zayn and move closer to him, a giant smile on my face and on his. "Zayn," I tell him.

"Yes Charlotte?" He asks me.

"I remember!" I exclaim excitedly. 

His face turns from shocked, to worried, to excited. "That's great!" He replies.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask him. "Kiss me already!!" I yell. He smiles and leans down to kiss me. I tangle my fingers through his hair and hold him against me. He wraps his arms around me tightly, scared that if he loosens his grip I will disappear and go away forever. 

Eleanor clears her throat and we stop. I pull back from Zayn and go over to Eleanor, giving her a giant hug. "What did we hear?" The boys ask.

"I remember everything!" I repeat, running over and attacking them so we all fall. "Ow, but whatever," I laugh, hugging all of them. I run over and give Belle a hug. "The hell with it. You're my sister," I say, giving Emily a hug as well.

"You remembered just now?" Zayn asks me.

"No actually I remembered last night when we kissed," I answer awkwardly. 

"You mean I could've slept in my bed last night?" He exclaims.

"Maybe..." I laugh, heading over to him and wrapping his arms around me again. All I wanted right now was to be in Zayn's arms and by the way he holds me I can tell he feels the same.

"And...how do you feel?" Harry asks me.

"Well," I begin with a sigh. "Everything is still a lot to handle to say the least. But...I think I can stay clean," I announce. Smiles light up all around.

"That's fantabulous!" Belle exclaims.

"What changed?" Liam inquires politely.

"Well it's really hard to explain. It's like, all of the the stuff before my accident is registered in my brain like needing to cut," I pause when I feel Zayn flinch at the mention of cutting, "but at the same time I know that it wasn't my fault and that I have other things - correction other people," I look directly at Zayn, "who are here for me to help me get through this," 

"Awwww," The boys exclaim.

"Group hug!" Niall yells. They all crowd around me and envelop me in a giant hug. 

"Can I...have some time with Charlotte guys?" Zayn asks, pulling me towards the stairs.

"Definitely," Eleanor answers before anyone can protest. He leads the way upstairs, holding my hand even though I'm following freely. 

In his room, he sits on the bed and I sit on his lap, facing him. "This whole time, I've been scared that you wouldn't come back to me. That...that I missed my chance to tell you how I really feel about you," He tells me.

He is completely serious and he takes my hands in his. "Charlotte, I think about you all day, everyday and I haven't felt this way about anyone before so strongly. You drive me crazy and boy you are a handful. But the truth is, I'm deeply in love with you," He says softly. 

My eyes widen and my jaw drops. I know I love Zayn - really, I do. But something stops me from saying it back. Zayn waits for me to say it, or say something. But all that's running through my mind is how Josh hurt me after I thought I loved him. 

"I see," Zayn whispers, looking away.

I climb off of him, unsure of what to do. My heart is breaking as I watch him stand up and walk away. A tear slips down my cheek as I hear him sprint down the stairs and hear the door slam.

"Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back,"

 

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I know it's a lot to ask for but 1700 reads until next update. and guys....the next chapter is the last chapter!!!! so read it up! dont forget to like, comment, and favourite!!!!

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