You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.


16. Hurt

Charlotte POV

                Zayn didn't realize that I had long enough nails that if I scratched really hard, could make myself bleed. We sat in the living room together when everyone left and Belle called me on the number I gave her. I gave the mobile to Zayn because I couldn't talk to her. They talked for a minute and then he put her on speaker. She started telling me about how they missed me and brought up my sister Emilie. I explained to Zayn the gist of what happened with Emilie. I felt bad about what Emilie said and by now I actually believed her. But she always ignored me so I blocked her out, keeping her in the dark. 

                 I was spilling everything to Zayn now anyway so what was the point. The secrets were too much to handle. But I didn't know how Zayn was going to react because I believed that my parents' death was my fault. He lifted my chin up but this time I wouldn't budge. When I didn't look him in the eyes he leaned down and kissed me.

                 I clung pathetically to Zayn. I didn't know what it was about Zayn but when we kissed he seemed to make my worries fade for a while. I pulled back a minute later, panting for breath as Zayn rested his forehead against mine. "I want to go to bed," I whispered. He nodded, picking me up into a cradle. I gripped his arm and closed my eyes as he started walking up the stairs.

                He put me down and turned as I changed, not willing to let me out of earshot. "I have to use the bathroom." I said.

                "Two minutes and then if you aren't out, I'm coming in," He warned. I nodded and walked to the bathroom, using it quickly before brushing my teeth. I made my way back to the room unsure of what to do. I climbed under the covers and pulled them over my head. Zayn surprised me by climbing in the other side of the bed, still staying a good distance away from me.

                 "Night," I mumbled turning away from him.

                 "Good night love," Zayn replied as I drifted off to sleep.


                  I woke up in the morning and slowly climbed out of the bed, being sure not to wake Zayn up. I hopped into the shower and took a long time, scratching my wrist and then letting the water wash the blood away. When I was done in the shower I sat on the tiled floor, in my towel. I had no clue what to do. Zayn would get a way to find me if I ran. But I didn't know if I would be able to sneak a scratch here and there. 

                  After a while I changed into shorts and a camisole. Without putting any shoes on, I grabbed my mobile and walked out of Zayn's flat, going on a walk. I stayed relatively close to his flat and came upon a park. I laid down on the grass and just looked up at the blue sky. 

                 My mobile started ringing and I slid the call open. "Hello?" I answered.

                 "Charlotte? Where are you love?" Zayn asked frantically through the phone.

                 "Zayn calm down. I'm not running from you. I'm just on a walk," I replied innocently.

                "Just tell me where you are," He requested.

                  "I'll be back in an hour or so. Stop worrying," I laughed, putting aside all of my troubles and worries for one day. Before he could even reply, I hung up the phone and relaxed back on the grass again.

                  For a while I just closed my eyes and felt the breeze float through my hair as I tried to figure everything out. When I opened my eyes I saw a familiar brown haired boy sitting against a tree a couple of feet away from me. "What are you doing here Harry?" I asked him. He chuckled.

                  "Zayn got all panicked so he sent us all out to look for you," He answered.

                  "How long have you been here?" I questioned.

                  "Ten minutes or so," Harry replied. I dusted myself off as I stood up. He sent Zayn a message on his mobile and then put it away. "Hop on," Harry turned so that his back was facing me.

                  "I'm sorry...what?" I inquired.

                  "Well the pavement is really hot and you aren't wearing shoes. Plus we need to get back quickly," He said. I narrowed my eyes.

                  I thought about it for a second and then decided to stick wit my carefree attitude at least for just the day. I nodded and jumped on Harry's back. He grabbed my legs and started jogging back to Zayn's flat. When we came close to Zayn's flat I saw a black convertible - Emilie's car. I dropped my head, not able to process any of this.

                  Zayn met us at the door and Harry put me down, allowing Zayn to pull me into a hug. "You're so silly gosh. I went for a walk!" I exclaimed, letting numbness to take the place of grief, sadness, and anger. I grabbed Zayn's hand as we walked inside.

                  Upon entering, I saw Eleanor sitting with Louis, Danielle with Liam, and my sister along with my best friend sitting on one couch. "I didn't believe Belle when she said you were okay!" Emilie jumped up from the couch. I took a step back showing her nothing had changed.

                  "I thought I told you not to bug me continuously," I said to Belle, using a joking tone. 

                  "Zayn was kind enough to invite us to come by," Emilie told me. I nodded as if I knew that already even though it made me really upset with Zayn. 

                  "We know you aren't ready to come home but we brought you some stuff from home. And-" Belle started but I was already grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the kitchen.

                  "Who knows any updates about me?" I questioned.

                  "Just Em," She answered.

                  "What about my aunt? Josh?" I inquired.

                   "Josh disappeared a week after you did and all I said to your aunt is that we have a rumor on where you are but aren't allowed to look into it," She recited.

                   "Okay. Now why the hell did you bring Emilie?" I exclaimed.

                  "She wanted to make sure that your okay," Belle defended herself. I narrowed my eyes. "You can't stay mad at her forever," Her tone softened.

                   "I'm not mad, I'm upset. know what? I can't talk about this," I pivoted on my heel and walked back to the living room. We all sat in the living room and watched the tellie for a while. "You told them?" I accused Zayn in a whisper.

                   "I'm sorry. They were so upset," He answered squeezing my hand and kissing my cheek. He took my left hand in his and rolled the bracelets up. He looked up and his eyes turned hard. I tried to pull my arm away but he held it firmly in place. "You need to tell me how you are doing that," He said urgently.

                   I shook my head. "Do you want me to raise my voice?" He whispered.

                   "You wouldn't dare," I replied.

                   "Try me," He threatened. I sat back and tried to cross my arms which proved difficult because he was still holding the left one. "How are you doing that?" Zayn asked at normal volume. Everyone looked over. I stayed silent. 

                   "What's going on?" Belle questioned as Zayn began taking off the bracelets, despite my feeble attempts for him to let go. Belle and Emilie gasped but I stayed silent, staring at the wall.

                    "You have no razors and we've watched you with the knives so how are you doing it?" Zayn inquired, losing his self-control. His eyes were a solid brown that were dark and menacing. I refused to meet his eyes in fear of giving away this secret. 

                    "Why would you resort to doing that?" Emilie asked. I jerked my head in her direction. I always had to live up to my sister's expectations and be just as good as she was because she was older. But she never cut so I wasn't expected to either.

                     "You have no clue what I've gone through. And why is that Emilie?" I questioned, shooting up on my feet. "Maybe it was because you haven't talked to me in over a year until you see something that didn't even happen. I have to drop off the earth for you realize I'm gone!" I exclaimed walking into an area that was surrounded by none of them and crossing my arms over my chest.

                      "I'm sorry.I never should've blamed you for something that wasn't your fault. But even though I didn't talk to you doesn't mean I never paid any attention to you. I'm so sorry, and if it's me that has caused you to come to this then I'll help you get out of it," Emilie got up and told me.

                      I shifted my gaze to Eleanor because even though she was concerned there was no judgment in her eyes -only compassion and understanding. She didn't move her position but seemed to lend me some strength. "I'm going out for another walk. When I get back, both of you will be gone. And if you aren't then I won't even come back," I threatened, looking at Belle and Emilie. I turned and walked out of the flat. When someone followed behind me, I was prepared to flip them off but it was Eleanor so I didn't say anything. I took off running down the street to the park again and back to the park. I heard Eleanor trailing behind me and we didn't say anything as we laid down on the grass in the warm sunlight together.

                     "Do you think they're gone?" I whispered after half an hour.

                     "Hard to say. They might be," She answered. I looked at her and even though she didn't verbally ask, I could see her requesting me to tell her how I was cutting. I sighed and looked away. After a while we got up and walked back together, in silence.

                      We got back and I totally blocked out Zayn. He tried to get my attention but I flat out ignored him. "Charlotte please talk to me," He asked. He was sitting next to me and trying to get me to look at him. "I'll drag you upstairs," He threatened.

                      I turned my gaze on him hard. "I will leave. And you can't stop me. Because now that they know, I WILL go to the police. Then I can just leave all over again," I said getting up. He stood up quickly and wrapped his arms around me.

                     "I'm sorry. But I don't want you to leave. I need you just as much as you need me," He whispered.

                     "You told them. They know where I am and how to reach me and now I'm back to square one! I left because I couldn't handle them!" I yelled trying to pull away.

                     "I told them because they couldn't handle it WITHOUT you. And the difference is that you have all of us to rely on now," He said calmly trying to bring me closer to him.

                     "No I don't. Because if I did then you wouldn't have told them," I snapped and pulled away so forcefully that I broke away but I landed on the ground in time for a ringing pain shoot up my right wrist. "Damn it!" I mumbled rubbing my wrist.Harry came over to me and helped me up, checking out my wrist.

                      "It's definitely injured," Harry announced before picking me up and all of us piling into cars.

                      "Where are we going?" I asked, tired from all of it. Zayn was sitting behind me with his head in his hands, and I was sandwiched between Eleanor and Niall. No one answered me but Harry pulled up to a hospital two minutes later. "It's not that bad," I complained as they picked me up and brought me to the ER. When I got checked out, I only allowed Zayn and Eleanor to come in. I was still upset with Zayn but I thought it would make him happy to be in the room with me. And Eleanor was always my confidet so it made sense for her to come in.

                      "Your wrist is sprained. If you wear this for the next three weeks or so it should be as good as new," The doctor said putting a brace on my right arm as I skillfully hid my left one from sight.  

                     When that was over we all went back out to the car. I made Zayn carry me that time because he looked really upset. "What's wrong?" I asked him but he didn't look at me. I knew it was serious because he refused to meet my gaze. I pulled his chin up so that I could see his eyes. They were filled with so much pain and anguish. "What's wrong?" I repeated.

                     "You are so important to me. And the fact that I hurt you - emotionally and physically now..." He trailed off.

                     "I might be upset but I'll get over it. And as far as my wrist goes, it's my fault for pulling away when you were trying to talk sense into me." I comforted him but he wouldn't have it.

                      "No. I'm going to be extra super careful now," He said.

                      "Zayn if your any more careful then the boys will get sick of you," I joked. I pulled his head down to meet me for a kiss. He kissed me back for a moment but then regained his self control and pulled away. He put me in the car and strapped me in. I had two options; I could either allow Zayn to do everything for me, or I could fight with him to make sure he did nothing for me. Either way I lost, because this was another person I had hurt. "Will you do me a favor?" I asked him in a tight voice. He looked at me and nodded quickly. "Will you be fun with me for the rest of the day? Just push everything away - just normal people?" I questioned hopefully. I didn't want to deal with this at all anymore.

                       "Yes. But let's do it for the rest of today and tomorrow shall we?" Louis answered for Zayn. Zayn nodded in agreement and took a deep breath, sliding away. If we were playing it normal then I guess we were just friends.

                       "So shopping?" Eleanor inquired.

                       "How about a bar instead," Harry corrected. We all agreed. 

                       We got back to Zayn's flat where they dropped us off and left. They were going to get ready, and meet us back here later. I sat on the couch and put the bracelets back on, determined to put it behind me for the next 24 hours. Zayn went into the kitchen and brought back an ice pack. "The ice isn't going to do anything," I laughed, and he smiled crookedly. When he didn't move it, I took it from him and ran into the kitchen, with him chasing behind.

                       I threw it in the freezer and turned around to see Zayn less than a foot away from me. "I win," I whispered, poking his chest and smiling. Our gazes locked and I took a step closer. Then my mobile started ringing so I pulled it out of my back pocket. "Hello?" I called into the phone.

                       "Please don't hang up," I heard Emilie's voice come from one end of the phone.

                       "Thirty seconds," I chimed, keeping my voice light.

                        "I'm sorry for the way of treated you. But I have a responsibility to take care of you. And I know you can handle yourself but I'd like to ask if I can stay in your life," She said fast.

                        "I have to go sorry - maybe I'll text you late tomorrow. But I don't want to hear from you until then," I replied and hung up pushing another thought away. I stepped away from Zayn and back towards the living room.

"When it hurts so much that you can't breathe; that's when you know you're still alive,"

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