You're My Light

When Zayn stumbles upon a girl who has many secrets and cuts herself he decides to take her in. She doesn't trust him at first and is quick to try to escape. But he keeps her firmly trying to protect from herself. As she realizes she can overcome the hurt, the two fall for each other. Then a horrible event occurs, but the boys don't see it as too tragic. Will her secrets all be revealed? Only Zayn can bring the light back to her darkness and vanquish the evils that haunt her.

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22. Call Me Overprotective

 

Charlotte POV

            It really upset me that Zayn found out about how I used my nails. So when we got back it took three of them to pin me down so that they could get rid of my nails. Then for some unknown reason, I found myself telling Zayn all about what Josh had done. I didn’t tell him any details but I did inform him on the main points. After a while I felt safe enough to take a nap.

            When I woke up Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Sleep well?” He smiled lazily. I nodded, getting up. We went downstairs and I saw Zayn on the phone so I took it out of his hand and snapped something mean at Emilie.

            I didn’t want to deal with this but I felt like I could handle it all when I was in Zayn’s arms. Niall suggested Nandos for dinner and then left to go get it. Zayn lead the way to the living room so that we could watch a movie. They made sure I wasn’t last – probably because I was “unstable”. They were right though. If I was left alone with the knives I would probably make a mistake.

            We sat down and Zayn wrapped an arm around me. I didn’t feel as good as I did before so I kept looking at him. He told me that I was safe with him.

            What he said before really hurt me. He said that leaving him was the worst thing I could do. Unfortunately I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle it here. Zayn made me feel safe when it was just the two of us but everything else added in felt like too much to bear. It would be selfish of me to leave but it could tear me apart if I stayed.

            Niall walked back in when Marvin met Dorothy. He handed out the Nandos and I started eating. By the time Zayn was done eating, I was only halfway through. I finally finished eating after a half an hour, just in time for the end of the movie. They traded Nemo for Toy Story and I leaned against Zayn willing to give in.

            The movie finished around 9 but I was already ready to go to bed. I made my way upstairs and noticed Zayn trailing behind. “What are you doing?” He asked.

            “Hopping in the shower,” I answered.

            “You have to promise me something,” He said pulling me close and making me look him in the eyes. “Promise that you won’t hurt yourself in the shower,” He insisted.

            “And if I don’t?” I questioned quietly.

            “Then Eleanor will sit in the bathroom as you shower and listen to your every move,” He said.

            “I promise,” I replied.

            “Thank you,” He kissed my cheek. I nodded and grabbed my towel before hopping in the shower. The hot water burned my skin in a peaceful way and I assumed this didn’t count as hurting myself because I would do this regardless.

            I rushed in the shower and then got out and changed into my night gown before taking off my make-up and towel drying my hair. When I got back to Zayn’s and I room, he was sitting on the edge in boxer shorts. “My turn to be embarrassed,” He said and I laughed.

            We both climbed into the bed and he went on the opposite side as me like always. I slid over to him. “Will you wrap your arms around me?” I asked him. He nodded and locked his arms around me as I cuddled closer.

            “And you’re not even drunk this time,” Zayn joked and I playfully pounded his chest before going to sleep, overly tired.

***

            I woke up and remembered that I could drop the act – I was back to my normal, depressed self. This meant I didn’t have to be fun, or ignore my problems, I would wallow in the hurt, guilt, and fright. I got out of bed and walked downstairs to the living room. I made sure I was extra quiet when I got out of the bed and left the room. They insisted to have one person watching me at all times and so I didn’t want them to be staring at me.

            I went into the kitchen to get food and found Harry cooking. “I suppose it’s your turn to watch me?” I asked Harry, sitting at the kitchen island.

            “Charlotte-“He started.

            “Yeah whatever. But could you do me a favor?” I questioned hopefully.

            “What is it?” He inquired.

            “Would you possibly let me go to the park alone? I promise I won’t hurt myself while I’m gone,” I requested. He looked at me seriously.

            “If anything happens to you, it’s on me. You know that right?” He asked not saying yes.

            “Well if anything happens to me here than it’s also on you isn’t it?” I retorted.

            “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you go to the park by yourself. But after fifteen minutes I’m going to follow you and wait until you’re done. In that time span, you have to answer your mobile if I call.  And keep your promise of not hurting yourself,” He said, listing the terms and conditions. I nodded and agreed, eager to get out of here. “Alright. Fifteen minutes,” He turned around to finish cooking. I dashed out of the house and ran down the street to get to the park faster.

            I laid down and gazed up at the clouds like normal. I envisioned what life would’ve been like if my parents hadn’t died. My mobile started ringing and I took a deep breath before answering. “Hello?” I called into the phone.

            “Where are you?” Zayn’s voice demanded.

            “With Harry,” I lied.

            “Put him on the phone then,” Zayn commanded. I started to panic and started walking fast towards Zayn’s flat so that I could meet with Harry.

            “Why are you so worried? No one asked you to be worried,” I snapped as I caught sight of Harry and started running.

            “Put Harry on the phone Charlotte,” Zayn said again. I bent over, out of breath as I held out the phone to Harry. He brought the phone up to his ear and talked to Zayn. When Harry hung up I collapsed on the grass.

            “Are you okay?” Harry asked, worriedly.

            “Yes. I’m fine! All of you need to stop worrying!” I yelled, getting up and starting to walk.

            “We worry because we care,” Harry said softly.

            “Well I didn’t ask you to care,” I growled.

            “You don’t have to do this by yourself.” Harry told me.

            “I get it. I know you guys are here for me. Really I do. But watching me every second doesn’t help me and pushing me to open up makes me close off. Stop overreacting and give me some space damn it!” I turned exclaiming. He wrapped his arms around me.

            “Be honest; are you going to stay?” He questioned.

            “Honestly?” I asked. He nodded. “Honestly I would like too but I don’t know if I can handle it,” I whispered. He hugged me tightly but it was different from Zayn’s hugs. “Thanks for being like an older brother,” I said. He nodded and pulled back so that we could walk to Zayn’s flat next to each other.

            “I’m sorry,” Zayn apologized when we got back.

            “So uh, when are you going to let me leave?” I questioned, stepping in the door. Zayn’s face fell and his eyes narrowed.

            “When you’re better,” He said. Harry stared at me in an accusing way, but I just shrugged it off. I rolled my eyes at Zayn and sat down on the couch.

            Zayn sat next to me and I didn’t react. I didn’t want to push him away but I didn’t want to enjoy the comfort of being in his arms. His mobile started ringing and he picked it up, holding the phone out to me. I flipped the phone shut without saying anything and then leaned back on the couch. “She wanted to apologize,” Zayn said quietly.

            “And I didn’t want to hear it,” I replied, not looking at him.

            “She feels guilty because she didn’t tell anyone,” He told me. I shrugged.

            “She shouldn’t.” I responded.

            “And neither should you,” Zayn insisted.

            I stood up and stormed up the stairs. Zayn followed me and closed the door behind himself as he entered the room behind me. I laid down on the bed and faced away from him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, not talking. “Are you okay?” He asked. I didn’t say anything but a tear rolled down my cheek. “Charlotte right now this isn’t about us. It’s about you. Are you okay?” He repeated.

            “Sometimes,” I whispered.

            “What about right now?” He questioned.

            “I’ve been better,” I replied. He came closer and rubbed my back. I moved his hand and rolled over. “Don’t do that,” I said. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and smiled.

            “You can drop the act with us,” He told me, stroking my hair while gazing into my eyes.

            “You’re smothering me,” I replied. “I get that you want to make sure I’m okay but watching me all of the time isn’t going to help either of us.” I added.

            “I’m sorry. Call me overprotective,” He smiled.

            “I’m serious,” I frowned.

            “I know,” He said with a straight face. I sat up and pushed back away from him a little.  “If you left where would you go?” He asked looking away from me. I moved closer to him and put my hands on both sides of his face.

            “I don’t want to leave,” I told him. “But I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay,” I added, looking down and dropping my hands.

            “You’re always welcome here,” He responded he said taking my hands in his.

            “It’s complicated,” I sighed.

            “Well if you want to explain, I’m here,” He laughed tipping my chin up and leaning down to kiss me. I pulled away at the last second.

            “Let’s not do that today,” I smiled standing up and pulling his arms around me. He rested his chin on my head as I breathed in his scent.

            “We have to go to the recording studio,” Zayn told me after checking his mobile. I groaned while Zayn dragged me by my hand down the stairs. “Paul sent me a message. We have to be at the studio in an hour,” He announced to everyone.

            We all piled into the vans they used after I put on a soft layer of make-up and Toms. Zayn wrapped an arm around me but I pushed it away and grabbed his hand instead. Eleanor sent me a smile and I just shook my head.

            It took us fifteen minutes to drive to the recording studio. It was big building, and I was sure I would get lost in it, easily. But the boys knew exactly where they were going so I just trailed along behind them.

            I heard a song being recorded and I started mumbling the lyrics. Even when we walked in to see the boys’ manager I was still softly singing. “Who’s singing?” Paul asked. I shut up immediately and hid behind Zayn. “Was it you?” He questioned, pointing to me. I nodded shyly.

            “Sorry. I won’t do it again,” I apologized.

            “Are you kidding? It was wonderful. Would you mind singing a few bars?” Paul asked. I shook my head but Zayn looked at me expectantly.

            I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, starting to sing the American Song, Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. I stopped at the chorus and opened my eyes slowly. They all started clapping and smiling.

            “Didn’t you say we need an opener for the show?” Zayn questioned raising his eyebrows.

            “Yeah if you’d like to,” Paul said.

            “No thanks. I’ll stick to being in the back,” I replied quickly.

            “I’m sure we’ll convince her,” Zayn told Paul.

            I stood there not saying anything. The answer was no and that was final. I waited with Eleanor and Danielle as the boys were recorded and tried out some new songs. Paul went over a new order of songs for the concert the next day with the boys and I felt ready to leave. By the time we finished it was 3:30.

            We made a run to the grocery store and Zayn told me to pick out whatever I wanted. I picked out a couple of things and then just watched as they filled almost two full carts. Whenever Niall saw something he just had to have it and piled whatever it was into the cart.

            “And how long will this last you?” I asked Zayn.

            “A week maybe two,” He answered.

            “Damn!” I said. He laughed. “Will you trust me on something?” I questioned. He nodded. “Okay great. I’ll be back in five,” I kissed his cheek and ran off down the aisle, following a guy outside.

            “Can I have a smoke?” I asked the guy.

            “Sure beautiful,” He answered, handing me a cigarette and the lighter.

            “Thanks but I have a boyfriend,” I laughed.

            “That’s okay. You’re still beautiful,” He said as I brought the cigarette up to my lips and took a deep intake. I had smoked before but I wasn’t a regular smoker. Cigarettes helped calm me down like cutting did. When I finished I put the bud out and thanked the guy before going back in to meet Zayn at the register. He was tapping his foot anxiously and when he saw me his face lit up.

            “What did I miss?” I asked Zayn.

            “Niall threw four containers of ice-cream into the cart,” Zayn shrugged pulling me into a hug.

            “I was only gone for five minutes!” I exclaimed when he squeezed me tighter.

            “You didn’t hurt yourself right?” He whispered.

            “You said you trusted me,” I accused him. He nodded and wrapped an arm around my waist. We finished shopping and paid.

            “Bye beautiful!” The guy who gave me the cigarette called as we left. Zayn shot me a look and I shrugged, climbing into the van.

            “What did you do for those five minutes?” Zayn accused me, looking at the guy as we passed.

            “I went outside. Calm down,” I laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder.

            “Why did he call you beautiful?” He questioned.

            “You’re so sexy when you’re jealous,” I told him.

            “Charlotte. Tell me the truth,” He demanded. I sighed.

            “Nothing happened. He said I was beautiful. I said I had a boyfriend. He said I was still beautiful,” I relayed the information.

            “Is that all?” Zayn asked.

            “I…might’ve had a cigarette,” I replied looking away. I felt Zayn stiffen beside me. I looked at him and he was staring harshly at me. “What’s wrong?” I questioned.

            “Zayn has been trying to kick that habit,” Harry explained.

            “How long have you been clean?” I asked Zayn.

            “On and off. The days you tried to run I had one. And I’ve snuck out in the night to have one or two,” He answered.

            We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride. When we got to his flat he pulled me to a stop on the porch while everyone else went inside. He took out a cigarette and inhaled a deep breath in, blowing it out slowly. I grabbed it from him and took a deep breath myself before giving it back to him. “You are who you are. If you want help stopping then I’ll assist you, but if you can’t focus on stopping right now I won’t hold it against you either,” I said and laughed at how the situation was reversed at the moment.

            “I don’t want to completely stop. But I’d rather only have one a day then my average five a day,” He told me, putting the bud out. I stepped closer and threw the bud on the ground.

            “I think it’s really cute how you got jealous,” I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

            “I think it’s really cute how you don’t want to open for us at the concert,” He said leaning down to kiss me. I was going to let him kiss me. But he didn’t understand why I couldn’t sing there so I broke away and went inside.

            “Charlotte what’s wrong?” He asked me as I sat down on the couch.

            “You don’t get why I don’t want to sing do you,” I said. “Or why I didn’t accept that modeling job?” I questioned, not caring if the others heard.

            “Zayn don’t press her on this,” Eleanor told him, and when I looked at her, I could tell she understood. I stormed upstairs, noticing how Zayn nodded at Liam and Liam followed me up.

"I am an overprotective, jealous, selfish, awful human being, all because I love you,"

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