Hate To Love You

Sequel to I'm In Love With You

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3. Nothing will be okay

*Harry's POV*

i woke up with a massive hangover, but I got up and out of bed anyways> i put on a shirt and some shorts that were lying on the ground. They didn't smell bad, so I figured they were okay to be seen in. I went out in the living room to find Niall and Zayn on the couch, watching TV. I muttered a good morning before shuffling into the kitchen where Louis was making tea. 

"Good morning Haz" he greeted me brightly, smiling his adorable smile. 

"Morning Lou." I replied quietly. His smile faltered slightly at my cold greeting. I felt bad about it, but I really wasn't in the mood to act all happy and normal. 

"How are you today?" He asked quietly, with concern. I debated whether to tell him the truth or not. 

"I'm fine, just tired." Which wasn't a complete lie, but I most definitely was not fine. 

"Well the boys and I are going to visit her today. You want to join us?" He asked hopefully. I considered it, I didn't want to because I knew it would only make things worse. But staying behind might make things head for the worse too, because then the boys would start worrying about me again. I couldn't have that. I needed the boys, especially Louis, to think I was okay.

I ended up agreeing, mostly because of Louis' face. He looked genuinely concered about me. I felt bad because I didn't want him, or anyone for that matter, to worry about me. 

About an hour later, we were standing in front of her grave, all with bouquets of flowers to lay down along with the hundreds of others from fans and people who "knew" her. Standing there, all my memories of us came rushing back. All the way back to when we first met at the movie premiere and I had to take a second look at her because she just looked perfect. I remembered all my stupid mistakes, and her's too. The whole Niall bullshit, us becoming closer and closer. Almost losing her. Her asking me to be her boyfriend. Her running away, almost losing her again. Finding out about her cancer, taking care of her, and then actually losing her.

All of this flashed before my eyes suddenly, causing me to go from smiling to holding back my tears. I couldn't handle this. I put my flowers down then turned away and began running away. I heard my name being called a few times, but no one was chasing me. I kept running, not really going anywhere in particular, just running, running, running.

Eventually I found myself in Central Park and I sat on a bench. I sat and thought, I thought about everything. I sat on that bench until the sun went down. When the cold night air started to really hit me, I got up and began to make my way, very slowly, back to the flat, knowing the rest f the boys would be worried and pissed. I checked my phone and it was already 10. If I waited a while longer, I wouldn't have to worry about facing Louis. I slowed my walking even more.

About 30 minutes later, I was at the flat, but I knew they would still be awake. So I sat near the door, waiting for it to get quiet. i let my thoughts wander, and of course they ended up on Sam. What else did I think of lately? Besides when I'm going to get my next fix. But these weren't like the happier thoughts and memories I had earlier. I could only see how much pain I had caused her, all the pain she had gone through by herself. I remembered when we had to put her casket in the ground. I had yelled and screamed, the boys having to  hold me back from running into that six foot hole where her beautiful body now lays, rotting and decaying. It wasn't fair.

I hadn't realized i had been crying, let alone sobbing. But next thing I knew, Louis was there, holding me in his arms.

"Shh, Harry. It's going to be alright. Everything's going to be okay, I promise." He said trying to calm me. I stared at him.

"No. Lou, you don't understand. It will NOT be okay! Nothing will ever be okay again!" I pushed him off, and stood up, Ignoring him as he called my name, I stomped through the flat, ignoring the others too. I went into her bedroom, shut and locked the door. I grabbed a couple of codine pills and took them with tears still slipping down my face. I stripped down to my boxers and slid into the bed, the soft sheets more comforting than anyone or anything. I slowly drifted off into sleep.

And I dreampt of her. 

 

 

 

 

 

(A/N) So i'm sorry that I didn't update yesterday like I said I would, I fell asleep earlier than I planned to. 

Sorry if these first chapters suck, i'm just trying to get the story going. 

Also, i don't know for sure, but I'm thinking that this story won't have a whole bunch of dialog, it'll mostly be harry's thoughts. 

I don't know. I know where the story is going but it's hard to get there and yeah so i don't know how its going to work.

I hope you all like it though :)

thanks for commenting, liking, and favoriting :) i love you all x

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