Your little things

The freak. The fat girl. The girl who cuts her wrists. The girl with acne. The girl that no one wants to be friends with. The girl who loves a 'gay' boyband. The girl that nobody likes. The girl that can't afford fancy clothes. That's me. Alayna Harper, 18 years old. 10 years ago, my parents died in a car accident. I was devastated. Can you imagine? Your whole family dying, when you're 8. I now live with my aunt. Who is terrible. All she does is smoke, drink and watch TV. I have to work at McDonald's, just to keep us alive. I get bullied in school, I mean, why would anyone want to be friends with me? I'm the weird girl.

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14. Freak

I told him not to tell the others, like I said, I didn't want to be that girl again. I just wanted to be me. When they asked about my bandage I said that I fell and scratched my arm. Louis gave me a glance, but I didn't care, I just... didn't want them to know. A week had passed since the accident, and I had realised I didn't really grieve my aunt. She actually was horrible to me, and just brought me more pain than I already had. I decided that it was time to go back to school, but I didn't want to be alone. I asked Raven if she wanted to come, and she agreed, it would be fun she said. The last week me and Raven had become pretty good friends, I still hadn't told her alot about myself, but I opened alot of myself up to her. She was that kind of person who listens and who's always there for you. We were walking down the corridor, me and Raven. That day I had decided to wear a T-Shirt, a decision that I would soon regret. "Hey Alayanaa." I heard a too fimiliar voice call. I turned around and looked at Jenny's mean grin. "Have you've gone back to the cut cut?" She said and pouted her lips as she made a gesture on her wrist. Raven looked at me, but I didn't look away from Jenny's blonde head. "Actually Jenny, I fell." She laughed loudly, drawing a few of the walking students attention. She made a move against her arm again. "My name is Alayna, I cut because I believe it's making me better." She said in a mannered voice. "Freak." She finished. I felt the blood rushing through my head, my fists clenching. I took a step towards her, but got stopped by a hand on my arm. I stared into Ravens eyes. She was calm and concentrated. "Leave her, she doesn't deserve it." She said and squeezed my arm a bit. I took a deep breath and let my fingers loosen. I started to walk away but turned around in the middle of my step and looked at Jenny who was sitting laughing with her other cheerleader friends. "And by the way." I said a bit too loud. She looked over at me in surprise of my comeback. "Fuck you." I said and smiled. A hand grabbed my arm again, but this time it wasn't Raven's arm, this one was stronger and bigger. I looked up at the face of my englishteacher. He dragged me with him to his classroom, leaving Raven outside. He sat me down on a chair and let go of my arm. He himself sat on his cathodes and crossed his arms over his chest. He just looked at me. I looked away from him, I couldn't face his green eyes. "You didn't see the whole thing." I muttered. "Sorry? I couldn't hear you when you were speaking monkey." He said. Uh I hated people who said stuff like that. "You weren't there, you don't know the whole story." I said louder this time, facing him. "Then what did happen?" He said. I hadn't told anyone about me and Jenny, except what I had to explain to Louis when the coffee thing happened. My teacher wasn't the one who I was going to tell, no way. I stood up from my chair. "Maybe you should act when you see stuff John." I knew he hated when people called his by his first name. I turned my heal and slammed the door behind me. Outside stood students staring at me. I didn't care what they thaught. I didn't care if they thaught I was a freak. I grabbed Ravens arm and dragged her with me. In moments we were out in the parking lot, I was walking with my phone, about to call Louis. I looked at Raven, she had her arms crossed over her chest and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?" I said. "What happened in there? Who was that?" I sighed. I wasn't going to get away this time. "That was Jenny Phillips." I said, glancing at her. "And what did she mean about 'gone back to the cut cut'?" I focoused on Raven. Her eyes were dark. "Raven, there's somethings I haven't told you about myself." She nodded. "But... I think you have the right to know." Well this is going to be painful. I thaught to myself as I began telling her about the cutting.

 

I only told her about the cutting, I didn't tell her about me and Jenny, I didn't tell her anyhing about my parents, just that I'd started soon after they died. It was to painful to talk about them, to many memories was going to be lifted up to the surface. Memories that I'd almost repressed.

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