A new start

Roughly it's about a girl who starts over when she reaches high school, to get away from her past. She lives with her grandparents and while trying to overcome her own past she meets new people and learn about their stories. No matter how horrible life may feel, your not the only one who's got a sad story to tell...

Main plot keeps changing in my head so i can't really explain everything yet and the intro is just to roughly begin the story i wouldnt really count it as a chapter since it's too superficial.

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2. Chap. 1

 

Sometimes if you squeeze your eyes really tight and hold your breath it's like, for just 1/10 of a second, the world disappears.  But it always comes back again. I was never really good at holding my breath for long, never had a reason to be.

“You know, I don’t know everything that’s happened and I only know one side of the story, so I can’t really say what’s right or wrong, or some lame crap about time healing all wounds or something. All I can say is that life’s hard, either you move on and take this chance you’ve been given for a new start or you drown in your misery, which would be a waste.” Jake’s hand is on my shoulder, I guess he’s kneeling in front of me. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. He really is beautiful, almost like how I imagine an angel would look. Except he has horrible fashion-sense!

“So you’re gay” I say dryly and dry my face with the back of my hands. He laughs, letting go of my shoulder.
“I guess so. I mean I love him, not because he’s a guy, but for what he means to me. I used to date a girl when I was your age. I really loved her and we were together for 8 years, but it ended badly.” He sounds a little bitter, but at least he can still smile about it. Something I can’t imagine I’ll ever be able to do.

“But you won’t touch him?” I ask, rather curious about Benji’s earlier statement.
“No of course not, I’d never touch a student, besides he’s young. He’ll graduate next year, go to university or something and he’ll meet a lot of new people, so I guess I need to be sure it’s not just a crush he’ll get over. After all I’m not a kid anymore, I have a lot more to lose than he has.” He looks like he’s thinking about something, but even though I’m nosy and rude, I know there’s just some places you don’t go.
 

I get up from the floor, realizing that I’ve been sleeping in my clothes, I feel rather gross. I look around for my jacket but it’s nowhere in sight. I’m pretty hungry, and I’d kill for some coke.

“Come on, your jacket is in the living room and I called your grandparents last night” I thank him, wondering if they’d be thrilled that I’m actually living again instead of being a zombie, or if they’ll be pissed that I got so horribly wasted at a school party.

Mika and Benji are already in the kitchen stuffing their faces. Jake’s made scrambled eggs and bacon with toast. I sit down next to Mika, somehow feeling that Jake’s place is next to Benji. None of them say anything which I’m grateful for.
“If you’re sweet on him, then what’s up with the Barbie doll ex? I ask Benji who almost chokes on his eggs. He looks embarrassed carefully eyeing Jake who froze in the middle of pouring eggs on his plate. Mika laughs, I guess I just stepped on a huge landmine. I mutter an apology, Jake smiles and resumes what he was doing.
“No it’s okay, it’s just… Well she’s kind of.. special you know” Benji’s struggling to find the right words, I guess special is a way more polite version of what she is.
“She’s a psycho, she’s got it in her head that Benji dumped her because he realized he wasn’t good enough for her, she just can’t face the truth” Mika says. He has a habit of butting in, like it’s perfectly okay for him to do so.
“I only started dating her, because I was scared to admit my feelings. We just started high school, and she was from a different school than me so I didn’t know her at all and she seemed really nice and all in the beginning. We lasted 5 weeks and she’s never had a boyfriend since then” Benji finishes what Mika started.

“But that means you haven’t been a couple for almost 2 years.” I say in surprise. All three guys just eye me like they’re saying, yeah we know.

“Oh.. Does everyone else know about you two?” I ask grabbing a can of coke. I’m not stuffing my face before I’ve calmed my stomach with some coke.

“Well they know I’m gay, but I don’t want to get him into trouble so I’ve kept my mouth shut” Benji says looking at Jake.
“And I’m just too hot for any woman around here” Jake laughs. I wonder if what he told me in the bedroom was him revealing a bit of his heart. I doubt he’d tell Benji. I smile, it’s nice feeling trusted.

“And this guy just isn’t meant to be with anyone” Jake laughs pointing at his brother. For a brief moment sadness flashes across Mika’s face, but then he bursts out laughing as if it’s just a joke. It makes me wonder what his story is. All three of them laughs, I smile. I feel sorry for myself, wondering if there’s ever going to be someone else for me, or if I used up all of my love already. I nibble at a piece of toast, it’s gone cold already, tasteless.

Jake’s apartment is close to my grandparent’s house so I was able to walk home. Benji lives in the same building which makes me wonder why he wasn’t left at home when Jake brought all three of us drunken idiots home after the party. I guess he likes having him close. Mika lives with his parents, obviously, at the other end of town. The town’s pretty small, so it’d take him 20 minutes to walk home, but he offered to take me home first since I didn’t really know the way.

It was pretty awkward walking home in silence, not knowing what to say. At first he didn’t say much either, just pointed out a few places, like a great pizza place, the park, the way to the station and stuff. From what I’d gathered so far I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d ask me about my breakdown.

“Why did you cry like the world was ending?” 8 minutes it took him and he didn’t ease in to it at all, just asking straight out.

“That’s pretty personal” I answer, but for some reason I really wish I could tell him, I need to tell someone. Now just isn’t the right time, it’s too early, I don’t really know him and I can’t really trust him yet. There’s something alluring about him though, something that draws you to him when he looks at you. Obviously he looks like a damn angel, he’s absolutely gorgeous no doubt about it, but what draws me to him and at the same time repels me, is his innocence. I’m sure he’s broken a lot of girls hearts since his behavior doesn’t fit that angelic face of his.

“You some people think I’m a bit retarded, or just plain rude.” He starts. I’m fascinated that these guys feel a need to explain themselves to me, as if I trigger something in them like a damsel in distress or something. Obviously it’s nothing sexual since two of them are in love and the last one clearly don’t care about things like that. I smile looking up at him.

“Maybe I am rude” he laughs looking at me, makes me laugh too.
“Well you do say exactly what’s on your mind I guess and it might offend some people” I say. I start to recognize the surroundings, realizing we’re already at my grandparent’s house so I stop.

“Would you hear me out before you go inside?” He asks. I nod kind of annoyed that we’re already here.

“You know you’re not the only one with a story and mine may not be as awful as yours, but it left me scarred. I don’t want to live my life pleasing others, I tried that and it nearly destroyed me. It’s not that I don’t care about others, or that I’ve never been in love, I just learned my lesson the hard way and I decided to be whoever I felt like I was. I’ll never change for anyone and I’ll never let anyone in again that I don’t completely trust.” He takes a deep breath and puts his hands in his pockets. He stares at his feet waiting for me to reply I guess.
“You didn’t have to tell me that” I’m kind of surprised that there’s more to him than meets the eye. Love, I guess it makes a mess of people, for a lot longer than it makes them happy.

“I know, I guess I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one with a sob-story. I don’t know how much Jake told you in the bedroom, but their story is a lot more complicated too. You know my brother’s ex-girlfriend was Benji’s sister.” I gawk at him, shocked.

“Yeah, they met in high school, they were always together, like Siamese-twins or something. My brother decided to become a high school teacher in his last year, because of one of his own teachers or something but she didn’t know what she wanted to do yet. My brother moved to the capital and started university and she stayed at home and got a job. At first it went really well, since they were only an hour apart from each other so they still saw each other all the time. One day she tells him she wants to go to Vietnam for a year and be an English teacher, since it was an easy way to get out and see some of the world. Of course he lets her go, he loved her too much to keep her here. Problem was she didn’t tell him she was going with a guy she met at her workplace. My brother just finished university when she sent him a letter.  He never saw her again.” He kicks the ground pulling his shoulders up to his ears.

“What a bitch” I say, not knowing how to reply to such a story.

“Yup. She’s married now with a kid. Benji never forgave her though, so he hasn’t even seen his niece” Mika says.

“Wow, it’s not the kids fault that her moms a bitch, but I guess it’s weird when the hated ex-girlfriend of the guy you love is also your own sister.”

“Yeah it sucks. Well I’d better go” He says looking at me.
“Hey can I ask you a favour?” I ask knowing that it’s time for me to read that dreaded text, but I don’t want to be alone when I do it.
“Sure what is it?” He asks.
“I need to read a text, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry like a baby and I’d rather not be alone when I do it” I feel embarrassed asking him.

“From a guy?” He asks staring right in to my eyes. I blush, something I never do.

“Yeah” I whisper staring at my feet to avoid his piercing gaze. He holds out his hand, instinctively I grab it. I look at his face, trying to read it, looking for a reaction, nothing though. With my free hand I find my phone in my pocket and open the text. It’s quite long and I make it to the fourth word when the tears start running down my face. Mika squeezes my hand tight. When I’m done I put the phone back in my pocket. I’m afraid to look at him, feeling stupid and pathetic.

“Thank you” I whisper and am about to wipe my face with my free hand, but he grabs me and pulls me in for a hug, stroking my head like he’s comforting a kid or something. For the first time in what feels like forever, I finally feel like I’m done crying. It’s not tears of sadness all of them, it’s also tears of loss. Losing what I had and what I could have had, in more ways than one.

“Do you still love him?” Mika asks. His mouth is right next to my ear. I nod and pull away, wiping my face with both hands. I give him a weak smile as if apologizing for being such a cry-baby.
“I do. A lot. And right now it feels like I’ll never love anyone else in my entire life.” Life’s too cruel.

“So you’re going to go through the rest of your life alone?” He looks surprised.

“I said it feels like, not that that’s how it’s going to be! I’m not an idiot, I know that with time I’ll move on” I’m feeling a bit annoyed, as if my future will be dying alone surrounded by my 15 cats and they’ll find me 3 months after I’ve died, chewed to bits by the starving animals.  

He laughs, he seems so carefree. I laugh too.

“See you on Monday” He says and starts walking away. I give him a little wave and walk up the drive-way.

My grandfather is in the kitchen drinking coffee. While my grandmother is nowhere to be seen.

“Hanging out with your teacher in the weekend seems a little pathetic don’t you think” He smiles at me flipping over his paper.
“Haha, where’s granny?” I ask putting down my bag.
“She’s fussing around upstairs, you should go see her” He says smirking.
“Oh God what now” I say exhausted.
“Dinner party tonight” He mumbles absorbed in some article.

“Yay” I say sarcastically. And grab a coke in the fridge. I take my bag and head upstairs. I find her in her walk-in closet. My grandmother has only one obsession, one that my grandfather has made possible and probably the reason why she’s put up with a lot of his crap over the years and that’s vintage designer dresses. She adores her dresses more than anything else, personally I couldn’t care less, but when your grandmother hands you one of her babies, you know she’s doing her damn best to keep you happy.

“Here, you need to wear this tonight” She looks frantic.
“What’s the occasion, and why are you stressing, it’s like 2 p.m.” I take the dress, it’s black which is a plus, short, backless, not so much to my liking. Luckily it’s halter neck and covers the chest. I won’t even look inside to see which brand it is, I’d just be too scared to wear it if I knew.

“Is it 2 already, God damn it, we’re busy then” She looks around the room, searching for something.

“What time is it?” I ask, it takes less than 5 minutes to put on a dress, but I know my grandmother will want to spend time getting hair and make-up done.
“Get your butt in the shower young lady, you look like shit” She demands handing me a pair of high heels. I remember how much I loved walking around them as a kid, but these days I never wear anything but converse and I’m afraid that I’m too out of practice to slip a pair of pumps on. I hand them back ignoring her protest.
“I’ll wear your Barbie dress, but I choose my own shoes” I shout over my shoulder as I walk towards my bedroom. I’d prefer staying in bed all day. I put my stuff in my room, the dress on the bed and check my phone. I rarely get any texts anymore but I still check all the time.

I got a text from my mom saying she hoped I had fun last night, I text her back some load of crap about how fun it was and all my new friends and all. I got a text from an unknown number saying the person’ll see me tonight. I didn’t recognize it as one of the many numbers I’d deleted. I decided to leave it and hit the shower, to avoid my grandmother from having a stroke.

5.30 p.m. my grandmother was done doing her thing and I was allowed to go sit in the car with my grandfather after a huge argument about my black and silver converse. I refused to take them off and she was shouting something about ruining the look or something.
“So where are we going” I ask my grandfather as I light a cigarette. He smokes too and doesn’t care about smoking in the car, which my grandmother doesn’t, so I had to be quick about it before she came out.

“The old hotel close to your school.” He says checking the mirrors for my grandmother.
“Why am I going?” I ask. Sliding the window all the way down.

“Because we say so” He mumbles.

Granny arrives and I toss the cigarette and close the window and off we go.

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