From Conception To Birth

The title says it all, doesnt it? :D This is basically a light-hearted, humourous account of the baby growing in the womans womb in the form of a diary entry.


1. The Race

We all lined up, waiting. Waiting for a signal. We didn't know what the signal would be but we knew that once we heard it, we had to swim.

Suddenly, we heard a starting gun, which we all knew was the signal, and we were off. Swimming as fast as our tails would let us. I weaved expertly in between all the others, hitting some of the main rivals with my laser gun. (pew pew pew*laser gun noises*pew pew pew). Oh I got a few hits myself but nothing too serious. I knew my main goal was to protect the 23 little men that were inside me**. I was determined to get them safely to their destination.I swam up to the fallopian tubes and wondered where I was supposed to go.

Then, I saw it. The most beautiful sight I had ever laid eyes upon. The egg. Glowing in all her prowess. I looked around to see that there was none of the others around. Well, except for the tired ones who stopped for a fag and a chat. I don't know where they would hold the cigarettes. They don't have pockets or anything. I swam towards the egg and was so close when I noticed my arch nemesis, Arnold, in my rear-view mirror. He was always trying to out-do me. I think he was jealous, poor thing. Nevertheless, I had to kill him. But, oh no, I'd run out of power for my laser gun. There was only one thing I could do. I had to bring out . . . the torpedo. I set it up and I pressed fire and I killed that thieving son of a bitch and I am proud! I finally hit the egg as the membrane wobbled around me. I sat there as I was assimilated when, suddenly, my tail was mercilessly cut off. I gasped until I realised that it wasn't Arnold's ghost trying to get revenge. I laid back while the egg sifted through my personal details. I was finally accepted and we started to form a zygote. Which was photocopied millions of times to become an embryo.

I'd won. I'd won the race and I'd completed my task.



** Well done to all you nerds who understood that little reference. You were obviously paying attention in Science that day. :0D Niall the Nerd, over and out.

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