I can't trust you

read to find out what its about.... im giving nothing away! im not that type of person. hehe


3. chapter 2

Harry ruined my life. I loved him so much and he left me. He left me for the dumb X-Factor. Saying I love you Claire, isn't enough. He has to prove it by staying with me. Staying by my side and not leaving it. We were best friends, we with the cutest couple, not anymore. I hope he gets hit by a car, better yet, I hope he gets hit by a bus and falls off a cliff. Yeah... That would be awesome. He could feel the pain I felt when he left me. Yes, the pain. I didn't only have a broken heart, but I started cutting myself. For a couple weeks I hid my arms from anyone seeing but my parents found out. They took me to the hospital and boom, they stopped me from doing any kind of self harm. I know it's bad but at the time, it was the only option. The only way I could forget about Harry leaving me. It didn't even work. It just made the pain worse. Senior year in high school is when I met Megan. We became best friends instantly and I forgot all about stupid Harry. Megan and I were the popular girls, always getting asked out on dates with the hottest guys. Of corse she would go but I wouldn't. Any date would just remind me of him. Remind me how much I missed and loved- no! How much I despised him for breaking my heart, ruining my life. Once we graduated, my mom met Jen. She told her about how Megan and I were apparently gorgeous and have always wanted to be models. She made our dreams come true and we do photo shoots practically every day now. But that also means we can't eat. We must stay perfect and skinny. Sometimes that wasn't a problem for me though.

Yes, another problem with my life. Apart from the heartbreak, and the cutting, I was once anorexic. When Harry left me, there was a voice inside my head screaming at me that he left me because of my body. Because I was fat. I only weighed 110 pounds though. I kept looking in the mirror and frowning at my appearance. Who would love this? Definitely not Harry. I stopped eating after that. I skipped breakfast and lunch, then when dinner came around, I would refuse to eat. I was hospitalized twice with IV's in my arm. I was told I looked deadly skinny but when I looked in the mirror, I saw a beached whale. An ugly girl who can't hold on to a relationship. Things became easier when Megan and I moved into a flat together. I wasn't being forced to eat and Jen wouldn't let us eat sometimes. Megan would complain, but I wouldn't. Sometimes I would eat a piece of bread but work it off during my run. I weighed 95 pounds and wanted to stay like that. Being 19, some people say I need to gain weight but I'm a model, and models are told to loose weight.

When I got back to the flat, I ran past Jen in the kitchen and right up to my room and into the bathroom. The white walls the bright lights made it blinding running in and looking into the mirror. I was completely unhappy with my look. I can be really insecure. I still look too fat. My long blond hair is in a pony tail, showing some of my brown streaks. I cringed my thin light brown eye brows as I looked into my eyes. Dark green, ugly eyes. I wanted to pull them out and have pretty blue eyes but thats not happening any time soon. I one time tried colored contacts but that irritated my eyes so I stopped. I looked at my nose and frowned at the ugly freckles on it. Ugly freckles I loved to cover up with all my makeup. There were bags under my eyes and some old makeup from yesterday I hadn't gotten all the way off, was smeared on my cheeks. My lips were pain pink and soft. I put lipgloss on every morning always wanting to look descent. If I could only have one idem of make-up, it would definitely be my cherry cherry lipgloss. I've been wearing this exact color ever since I started dating Harry. He's the one who got it for me as a gift. No reason, just gave me a present. I loved him for it and fell in love with the shade of pink. It wasn't like I was a girly girl loving the color pink but this one was special because it reminded me of Harry. Not anymore. I may still use it but that color haunts me.

"Claire? You ok? It sounds like you're crying" Jen's voice sounded from behind my closed bathroom door. "Yeah" I manage to choke out and I hear footsteps, notifying me she has walked away. Why would Harry come back here? Why would he walk over to me? What did he have to explain? He broke my heart and I was never going to forgive him for that! Never! He didn't deserve my tears, I thought as I wiped away the salty liquid from my cheeks. He doesn't deserve anything accept for a bullet in his chest. No that's not harsh. Nobody will ever understand the pain I went through after he left me. My heart was shattered. I had I stay home from high school for about a month. When I started cutting myself, I had to leave for the hospital for another week. When I stopped eating, that was another two months spent in the hospital. All because of Harry. Harry was the reason I was so sick. He was the one to blame for the never fading scars on my arms, my skinny and lifeless body, my heart that can never be healed. Never healed so never used again. I could never love another guy the way I used to love Harry. The way I thought he used to love me. Boys fall head over heals for me but that doesn't fix anything. They can try all they want but I don't have a heart for them to love. I have a broken heart for them to fix. But nobody can fix it. Nobody, accept... Harry.

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