1. Bean and onion stew
I like to fart most every day, it makes me very happy,
the downside is, it makes me smell, like dogshit in a nappy.
Last week I went back home sweet home to see my dear old mom,
I was just about inside the door, when I dropped a rectum bomb.
My mother wouldn’t hug me, she shunned me to the road,
I said "you’ve got to let me in I need to drop a load".
"Well drop it in the ditch" said she, "I don’t want that in here,
the gas that’s seeping from your bum is enough to bring a tear".
With all hope lost I nestled down behind a bushy tree,
I took a piss and a steamy shit and prayed no-one could see,
With lesson learned I stood up straight and strode back to the door,
she said "I'll only let you in if you swear to fart no more",
I said "yes ma I promise, take the clothes peg off your nose,
the supply of gas from my hairy ass is indefinitely froze".
"Come in then son" said dear old mum, hostilities withdrew,
"you're just in time to help me dine on bean an onion stew".