I just wanted to announce that combined with my wattpad account, this fanfic has now exceeded 5,000 reads! Thank you guys so much, I can't even put into words how much it means to me that you are enjoying what is being written! I love you guys!
Also, here is the music for the song "Broken" by Lifehouse which is featured in this chapter, I really love the song, and they are a good band to see live :) So feel free to watch the video to get an idea of the music in the chapter!
-- Louis’ POV--
I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I needed to pick myself up and dust myself off. I needed to fucking clean this place. It was a mess, and I can’t stress that enough.
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I seriously needed to do some cleaning. I stood up from my couch and sauntered over to the kitchen. I pulled a black garbage bag out from the box and waved it around, succeeding in opening it up. I began in the kitchen, slowing picking up the cans of beer, the bottles of beer and other alcohols, the bottles and cans of pop, the wrappers from various foods, the pizza box which was growing mould.
There was a shit ton of stuff to clean up. I grabbed the remote for my radio, and Lifehouse immediately began playing on the radio.
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you’ve already figured out
I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to you
I could feel my heart swell at the words. This was one of my favourite songs and at the moment it fit everything in my life so well. It described exactly what was happening in my life with Caycia. I was damaged, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to give up on us. I continued picking up trash as I listened to the lyrics.
The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life
I grabbed a wet cloth and began wiping my countertops. She didn’t just get inside my head, she worked her way into my heart, where she’d stay forever. I had a tattoo to forever remind me of her, just like she had one to forever remind her of me. There was no way we could ever just forget each other. There was more to our story than that.
I’m hangin’ on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I’m hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home
I sighed and ignored the lyrics and the pull they had on my heart. I felt like they were specifically meant for me.
I’m barely holdin’ on to you.
The song ended and I felt even more motivated to clean this place up, to clean myself up, to clean my life up and show Caycia that she chose the wrong man. She should’ve chosen me, and I was going to prove that to her.
Need You Now by Lady Antebellum began playing and I nearly choked at the irony. I did need her, I’d always need her. Without her, a part of me would always feel empty, until our hearts connected again, mine would always feel like half a heart.
I continued wiping the countertops with the wet cloth, while throwing away more garbage. I didn’t bother listening to the song playing on the radio; I knew it would crack me. I didn’t want to crack, if I cracked once more I don’t know if I’d ever come back.
There was an unexpected knock at the door and I debated whether or not to answer it. The house was an absolute mess, I’d barely finished cleaning the kitchen, I hadn’t even gotten to the living room, bathroom, or my bedroom. I still had to wash the dishes and vacuum and do my laundry. If I opened the door for this person, they’d see my living room because it was in clear view from the doorway.
When the person began pounding at the door I threw out the wet dirty cloth in my hands and made my way towards the loud sounds. I could barely hear the patter of my bare feet on the hardwood as I got closer and the infernal knocking got louder.
“Okay, okay! I’m coming!” I yelled when I was a few feet from the door.
I twisted the doorknob, looking the person who was making such a racket right in the eyes. “Caycia-“ I breathed.
“We have a huge problem!” She stomped right past me, fisting her fingers throughout her knotted hair.
“What ar-“ I began.
“It’s because of you!” She pointed at me, accusing me of something I wasn’t quite sure of yet, “if you weren’t so careless, we wouldn’t have this problem! Now we have a huge problem! It’ll probably fuck up- no, it’ll definitely fuck up my life! It’ll fuck up your life too! Why did this ever happen? If I wouldn’t have been so tempted to fuck you when we first met, if I would’ve just fucking restrained myself we would be-“
“Woah woah, hold up!” I stuck my hands up, trying to get her to stop, but she was frantically pacing back and forth, her small boots tapping on the hardwood.
“This is all my fault. I-I’m such an awful person. This is going to kill Zayn. It’s going to hurt him so badly, and it’s my entire fault. He’s still trying to recover, and he hasn’t been having panic attacks as often, and if he hears about this… I don’t know… If he hears about this it might just drive him over the edge. I-“
I stepped forward, grabbing Caycia’s arms and stopping her dead in her tracks, “Caycia stop. Tell me what’s going on!” I nearly shook her back to reality.
“Harry knows about us.”
“Wh-what?” I choked out.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, “I mean, I think he knows. There’s no guarantee that Penny won’t tell him everything because I’m sure she has it all figured out.” She rambled out.
“Wait, back it up. Tell me from the beginning, I don’t understand.” I motioned for her to sit on the couch, and I placed my hand on the small of her back as I led her there.
“Okay,” I tried to ignore the flutter in my heart when she took hold of my hand and squeezed it, taking one big breath before beginning. “Well you are aware of the fact that Penny and I were friends in high school, so we don’t need to back up that far, but earlier I was with Penny, and we were doing wedding planning shit.”
I nodded my head at her to continue.
“Well I went to get a pen and when I was about to go back into the ceremony hall, I overheard Penny and Harry’s conversation.”
“Harry was there?” I asked, Harry really wasn’t totally involved in the whole process, he’d wanted Penny to have her dream wedding, and the major things he wanted, he’d just tell her.
“Yeah, he showed up. Anyways,” she threw her hands up and took another sigh, “Harry was talking to Penny about how you have been behaving lately.”
“Yeah, Harry says you’ve been really depressed,” she looked around the room, “and that you’ve been huddled up in here and smoking and drinking.” She leaned forward to smell me, “and not showering… but obviously today you have.”
I avoided eye contact with her for a moment out of awkwardness. I didn’t want her knowing she was the reason for this.
“Anyways, Harry was talking about how he came here a few days ago and then you had gotten a text from Niall, so Harry went to answer it, and that was when you and I were texting…” She hinted to me, seeing if I’d catch what she was saying without her actually having to say it.
“I had texted you about not telling Zayn about us,” she motioned between our really close bodies before standing up. “Why is my name in your phone set as Tarin?” She continued walking away from me, out of frustration she was constantly running her hands through her hair.
“Because that’s who you are to me. You’re my Tarin,” I stood up, taking a step towards her.
“Don’t,” she raised her hand to stop me, “why would you do that? Do you realize what this has done now?” She asked me.
“No,” I admitted.
“Louis, Penny and I were best friends in high school, she knows you. She knows all about us. She knows about our first date, the sex, the break up, she knows it all. She’d immediately assume that we were doing things together when she heard that from Harry. I know that she’ll start questioning me, asking me if I’m cheating on Zayn. She knows me better than most people, I can’t lie to her Louis,” she was pacing frantically.
“So what? Does it matter if someone knows that there’s some undeniable force out there that keeps pulling us towards one another?” It was true. At this moment, as she spoke all I could think about was kissing her, sucking on the most sensitive part on her neck, wrapping her leg around me, hearing her moan, grinding into her while she throws her head back-
“It does matter Louis!” Caycia yelled at me, fuck she was hot when she was angry. “Harry and Penny don’t keep anything from each other Louis. Nothing. Do you really think she’s going to keep a secret as deceitful as this? This is serious Louis. Do you not realize what we’ve done is hurtful?”
“Do you not realize that many people do shit like this? It’s not only us! When things like that happen it’s for a reason Caycia!” I yelled back at her.
“No it doesn’t happen to many people! It doesn’t happen like this! This isn’t some fucking novel or movie okay?!” Her cheeks were red with anger.
“Oh, but I know a handful of people who have done much worse than we have done to their partners!” I didn’t want to say it, but I was right on the edge and if she pushed me much further I might just blurt it out.
“What are you talking about?” She asked me, cocking her head to the side. She threw her hand over her mouth, gasping suddenly, “did you cheat on me?!”
“No, of course not! No one has ever cheated on you love. I just know of people who have cheated on others and then ended up with the person they cheated with.”
“What?” She asked, confused.
“I can’t… I can’t tell you. It’s not my place.”
“I can’t,” I shrugged. I mean, I totally could, I just didn’t want to hurt her like this.
“Tell me Louis,” she said through her teeth.
“I- It’s Zayn.”
“What?” Her face suddenly twisted in pain.
“No, no. He didn’t cheat on you, I swear.” I raised my hands up in defense, trying to calm her, “He cheated on his ex, with you…”
She raised her hands up to cover her mouth, covering her gasp, “Did I break up a relationship?”
I nodded my head in her direction, “but don’t worry, they weren’t happy. Zayn was really unhappy…” I trailed off.
“That doesn’t make it right Louis,” she pointed out. “I remember just meeting Zayn and having sex,” I winced when she mentioned it, “and I didn’t think anything about him being in a relationship or anything, I just wanted to get you out of my system.” She confessed.
“The only reason you fucked Zayn is because you wanted to get me out of your system?” Somehow during our conversation we had managed to end up on the other end of the house, and my hands ended up on her hips, however she never made a move to refuse them their place.
She nodded, looking up at me through her eyelashes.
“And?” I asked her, “did it work?”
The moment was intense, and I didn’t know what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers. She never spoke, she bit her lip and she shook her head back and forth, “it only worked until I finally saw you again. The moment I saw you again I couldn’t stop thinking about you… Every time Zayn would talk about his friends he would talk about this hilarious guy named Louis and every time he would say your name, my heart would grow its own wings and fly and I couldn’t stop it.” She confessed to me, and I couldn’t stop myself in that moment.
I crashed my lips upon hers, and she kissed me back with desperation. I pushed her lightly, ending up with her back against the wall. Our lips found the perfect rhythm together and eventually I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She was kissing me back, and I nearly felt the need to pinch myself. This was selfish, so incredibly selfish, but it felt so good.
She was fisting her small fingers throughout my hair, pulling and making me moan. “Fuck,” was all I managed to murmur out and I immediately darted for her neck. I sucked, nipped and kissed her neck, on her favourite spot.
When she moaned my name, I felt the pieces of me come back together. This was what I so desperately wanted. I wanted this to be us all the time. I had to restrain from marking her, though I wanted to so badly.
My lips found their way back to hers, “I love you,” she unexpectedly murmured to me and I froze in my place. Immediately she looked up into my eyes and the tears were already falling from her eyes. She slipped under my arms and I watched as Caycia ran out the door just as quickly as she’d run in.