Constant | Louis Tomlinson

[ COMPLETED ] ** CURRENTLY UNDERGOING EDITING DUE TO AMATEUR WRITING AND MISTAKES ** ||||| Tarin was a typical girl. She was enjoying her last year of high school, with her few close friends. She had never thought much about boys, she focused on her academics. With graduation only two months away, and university starting in four months, she had all her focus on her future career, that was until she met this boy. This boy who was like no other. This boy who would steal her heart. This boy who would change her life forever. ||||| Warning: There are scenes of sexual content, foul language, self-harm, drug use, underage alcohol use, and violence in this fan fiction. ||||| Louis Tomlinson ||||| Also can be found on wattpad, where I follow back

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75. Don't Know

 

-- Caycia’s POV --

“Caycia, wait!” Zayn called after me. I was already halfway down the hall at the other end of the house. I knew he wouldn’t catch up with me, not with his big heavy cast in the way.

I made my way to the bedroom where I sat down on the bed with a huff. I could hear the thumps of his cast as it hit our hardwood floors. I listened as it got louder and louder, signalling that he was coming closer. I could hear him sigh on the other side of the door, before he lightly tapped on the door, “Caycia?”

I never spoke a word, I sat there on the bed, arms crossed, the redness in my cheeks evidence of my embarrassment and anger. When I heard the door slowly creak open just a notch I looked up. His face was twisted in concern.

“Can I come in?” He asked me, stepping his casted leg into the room. I looked away from him, and I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I furiously wiped away the few stray ones which had escaped my eyes. He couldn’t see me crying, especially not after something this ridiculous. When I didn’t answer him he cleared his throat and I heard that familiar heavy thump as he made his way to sit beside me on the bed.

“Hey,” he whispered, “look at me.” He grabbed my cheeks in his hands. “No, don’t cry,” he began wiping the tears falling, which made them fall even faster.

He shifted uncomfortably on the bed beside me, “look…” he sighed, “I - uh… I’m sorry, okay?”

Really? That was his apology? I looked away from him, frustrated even more.

“Ugh, no I’m sorry, that was shit,” he chuckled lightly trying to break the tension in the room. “I apologize okay? I should’ve just told you that I wasn't in the mood instead of rejecting you.”

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask him, blubbering like a baby.

“No, no, you never did anything wrong. I promise,” he grabbed my hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze, “I just - the doctor said I shouldn’t be involved, y’know, sexually for a while… until my wounds heal.” He was whispering to me, but I didn’t think it was because he was trying to be gentle, he was lying to me.

“Why are you lying to me?” I ask him sternly.

“What?”

“You’re lying. I’ve talked to the doctor before, there’s no reason we can’t have sex,” the tears were no longer falling from my eyes. I felt confident, and yet even more angry because he felt so calm lying to my face.

“Okay, you’re right…” He shrugged his shoulders, “I dunno… I just… I don’t feel like doing it right now…”

God this was ten times more awkward then I thought it would be. “Is everything okay with you?” I asked him, “y’know… you seem a little different since I’ve brought you home.”

He sighed heavily, “I don’t know Caycia… I don’t want to feel different, but I do suddenly. Everything to do with the accident and Abby showing up and it was all just sort of a wakeup call. I see things differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m kind of rambling. I’m just unsure of a lot of things that I was absolutely one hundred percent sure of at one time.” He said it so quickly my brain barely registered.

“Where are you going with this?” I questioned.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Wow, you really aren’t sure of a lot of things.”

“I’m sorry, I just… I think you should move out.”

“Wh - what?” I stuttered out.

Zayn rubbed his hands over his stubble, “I think we just need… a break…” he trailed off.

I could feel my body crippling, “are you… are you breaking up with me?”

He sighed, “I… no, I’m not.”

I shifted uncomfortably beside him. I really didn’t know what he was talking about. He was running in circles, I didn’t understand exactly what he was trying to say which was making this frustrating. “I don’t-“

“Look,” he shifted beside me, turning his body to face mine better, “I think we need a break… I’m asking you to move out because I don’t think this is working out. I don’t think we are working out anymore. So I think you should move out and we’ll still see each other, just… not as often. I really think what we need right now is space…” he trailed off.

“I thought that everything was going fine. I never thought anything was wrong between us…” I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes anymore. I began picking at my nails. I seriously had thought everything was okay between the two of us. Over the last few weeks I hadn’t really noticed a change in Zayn. He always seemed to be the same Zayn, and yet over the last two weeks something had happened, and he was different now. But then again, maybe nothing happened at all, maybe just sitting in a hospital for hours on end made him realize things. Maybe it made him realize that he didn’t quite love me the way he thought he did. That was something that happened to people who had been in major accidents. They had this sudden change on their perspective. This sudden realization that the things in their lives weren’t quite what they wanted it to be. Maybe Zayn just wanted more out of his life, and maybe just maybe, I wasn’t going to be a part of that anymore.

“It was…” he sighed before he began again, “I just… I don’t know. Something about us isn’t as satisfying as it once was. I need some space and some time to think things over.”

“Where’s this coming from?” I didn’t know what to say to him anymore, I was literally at a loss for words. I would have expected myself to cry and scream and hit him. I don’t know why I was still asking questions instead of running away from him.

“I was just thinking, and I realized I wasn’t happy. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’m sorry, really. I can’t express how sorry I am.” His face was twisted with concern, and the way with which he spoke I could feel the sincerity.

“I think I should go.” I tried my best to speak with confidence; however I was sure it came out as a stuttered whisper. I wanted to run away from him. I still wanted to scream and hit him. Instead I stood up without another word and walked out the door as the tears began falling from my face.

I had nowhere to go.

 

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