A/N: THANK YOU FOR LEAVING SUCH LOVELY COMMENTS, PLEASE DO IT AGAIN BC IT MAKES ME SMILE AND WANT TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN! Anyways, I just wanted to say that within the next few months, (I really can't specify a date) I will be starting my next fanfiction! I've been working on a trailer and cover and storyline and such for when I do eventually release it. It'll be mostly a Zayn and Harry fanfiction, but I'm not giving away any of the plot just yet bc I'm not entirely sure myself (oops). Idek why I'm really saying this, but I'm excited! That fanfic will drop right here once Constant is finished! So comment your thoughts on that please! I will give you more information when I have figured it all out, I promise :) ALSO WE REACHED 7.7K AND IM SCREAMING ILY GUYS MORE THAN LIFE. OKAY GOODBYE ENJOY
-- Caycia’s POV --
“What’s wrong?” he repeats when I don’t answer him. He gently rubs his hand over my hair, careful to not mess it, although I honestly wouldn’t care. I can feel his heartbeat underneath his shirt and I slowly begin to calm. My heart begins beating rapidly at the proximity of his, but I ignore it.
A random thought crossed my mind at that time. Did I ever tell Louis that I forgave him? In fact, did I forgive him for all he’d done to me? I wasn’t one for holding grudges, and I knew deep down in my heart that I’d forgiven Louis the moment I’d seen him again. I knew that that day months ago when Zayn introduced us that I still loved him and that nothing was different. That nothing between us would ever change.
Because eventually I forgot the hurt, all of the endless reasons I cried, who caused my pain. I finally realized that the secret of being free from all of this hate and this guilt wasn’t revenge. I could never hurt Louis the way I had wanted to like so long ago. The secret to being free from all this was letting things unfold in their own way, and on their own time, which they had done. My heart had forgotten the hurt that Louis had caused, and remembered the love he showed, the love I felt, the undeniable chemistry. Everything that wasn’t important has been forgotten, and I have healed and forgave and begun to love again.
“I forgive you,” I sputtered out.
I looked up into his sea blue eyes, his lips parted slightly. His face was genuine, and the way he looked at me made me feel so loved, “what?” his tongue slowly pushed past his lips to wet them. He knew exactly what I was talking about, but I knew he needed to hear it come off my lips.
“I forgive you,” I repeated. “For everything.”
His arms never loosened their grip on my body, and I could slowly feel his heartbeat quickening. It was almost as if our hearts were beating at the same rapid speed. He opened his mouth again to speak, but I put my finger up to his lips to silence him.
“I love you,” I spoke each word slowly, making sure to get my point across.
His face painted a picture of sadness, longing, and love. “Caycia, I-“
“Shut up and kiss me you asshole,” I muttered before leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. I wrapped my short arms around his neck and fisted my fingers throughout his hair. His hair was so much longer, so much fluffier, so much softer than I remember. I savoured this moment as his plump lips touched mine, and I knew this memory would last a lifetime.
After a moment or two, Louis pulled away from me. “We need to slow things down here,” he breathed out. “I mean, if I could I’d fuck you in my bedroom right now, but things are a little bit complicated here, I mean… Zayn.” He scratched the back of his head.
I could feel the heat creeping up my neck and to my cheeks. I stayed quiet and took a few steps into his flat.
“Like I can’t do that to my mate,” I heard Louis close the door behind me. “Although you have no idea how badly,” he came up behind me, wrapped his hands around my waist and begun placing feather light kisses on my neck, “I want to do that to you.” He finished.
“Hmm,” I hummed, not being able to speak. I could feel my pulse racing, my lower abdomen absolutely igniting from where the pads of his fingers were harshly pressed to my skin. I was losing control, and I needed to come back to reality, but his touch just exploded everything in my body, and it was hard enough to tell left from right.
“Zayn and I broke up,” I blurted out. He immediately pulled away from me.
“Wait, what?” I could feel him staring at me, “is that why you’re here?” I turned around to find a face of pain gawking at me.
I sighed and walked to the living room, comfortably placing myself on his couch. He followed suit, placing himself beside me and staring at me, ready to hear the story. I grabbed his hand with mine, and began playing and fidgeting with his fingers to keep myself distracted, so I wouldn’t begin crying. “When we brought him home from the hospital, he seemed fine. He was laughing and smiling, he seemed okay. But then, we got home and his whole attitude changed Louis.” I looked up into his eyes, and I could already feel the painful lump in my throat telling me to cry, “he started ignoring me, I even crawled onto his lap and practically dry humped him and he stopped me.” I watched Louis visibly flinch at my words, “sorry.” I muttered out while rubbing his hands.
“It’s okay, just tell me why you’re here.” He scooted a little closer to me, and I could feel my pulse accelerating again.
“And well, he sat me down and he said that he feels different since the accident. I don’t know, I guess he had some life changing epiphany while he was in the hospital. He didn’t really give me a reason, and it felt awfully similar to when you broke up with me,” I confessed.
His eyes were screaming an apology at me, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled out.
“He asked me to move out, and so I left without grabbing anything because I was so upset. I went to Penny and Harry’s and they just seemed so… happy. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask them to move in. I can’t burden Penny with that, not with the wedding coming up. So I went to Niall and Liam’s and well…” I trailed off, feeling my skin flushing again.
“What?” Louis asked out of curiosity.
I blushed even more, “Liam was having sex…” I stared into where Louis’ and my hands were connected.
I could hear his laughter rumbling deep within his chest beside me.
“So I bolted out of there as fast as possible, and I ended up here.” I was playing with Louis’ ring finger on his left hand.
“I reckon you saved the best for last?” He stared down at where my small fingers were kneading his large ring finger. His lips curled up into a smile.
“Don’t go there,” I muttered.
He pulled his hands from mine, swiping my cheeks. The tears which had fallen from my eyes were now all over the pads of his thumbs. “You’re always welcome here,” he spoke after a few moments.
“I know that.”
He sighed, “well we can move your stuff out of Zayn’s… you can come live here?” He proposed.
I ran my fingers through my hair and my face, probably smudging all of my makeup in the process, “I don’t know Louis. I mean, what will everyone else think?”
His bit his lip as he thought, “I know, but you need a place to stay, and I offered.”
“But what about Harry?”
“What about him?” He asked.
“He’s all suspicious of us… me moving in here doesn’t help that.” I looked around the flat. There was a spare bedroom, so there was enough room for me to stay; I just wasn’t sure how it’d look to others. I also didn’t know if I’d be able to handle myself around him, I was always losing control.
“Well then, we can keep it a secret.” He suggested.
“Oh really? Now how does that work Louis?” I laughed.
“Well, I reckon it’d go a little something like this…” He scooted closer to me again, “I’d fuck you on this couch, and you’d be a good little girl and not tell a single soul.” His sweet voice was hot in my ear and I could already feel myself losing control.
“But there’s one problem with that,” I retorted.
“And what’s that love?” His accent thick, and laced with passion.
I moved in closer, and whispered in his ear, “I’m not a good little girl.”
He grabbed my head, twisting it and placing his lips hungrily on mine once again. I knew I’d lose control. It was an absolute guarantee that one of us would. When he slipped his tongue into my mouth we found the perfect rhythm together. I moaned and threw my head back, as Louis began peppering my neck with kisses.
What am I doing?
I’m ruining any chances of ever having a relationship with Zayn again - that’s what I’m doing.
What if there’s still a chance we could be together?
I instantaneously stopped. “Stop,” I said to Louis as he was placing kisses on my collarbones. His lips stopped touching my skin, and my skin felt like it was on fire.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his lips swollen. I found myself staring at them, but I needed to focus, I needed to keep control. I stayed silent. I suddenly couldn’t look into his eyes, I felt ashamed that I’d ever come here. That I lead him on… again. Especially when I was still holding onto the shreds that were Zayn and I’s relationship.
“It’s Zayn, isn’t it?” Louis abruptly put his head down. “Fuck,” he cursed.
I didn’t need to nod my head, or speak aloud because he knew. “I’m sorry,” I spoke after a few moments.
He shook his head back and forth, placing his hands up in the air, “No. no. It’s okay, I’m the idiot here… to think this was going somewhere. I’m sorry. I know that you’re kind of confused and shit. I get it.”
I didn’t know what to say, “I’m sorry,” I repeat.
He stands up, “it won’t happen again.” Louis places his hands up in defense, “you are totally welcome to stay here. The guest room has never been slept in, so you can sleep there. If you want to, tomorrow we can go to Zayn’s and get your things.” He began walking out of the room and down the hallway, “goodnight Caycia.”
“Thank you Louis, and goodnight.” I smiled softly at him.
He turned away from me then and I heard a door at the end of the hallway close. I stood up and began exploring down the hallway. I eventually found a bedroom with a queen sized bed, and minimal furniture. It was a smaller sized room, but it’d be perfect for a single person, like me. I sat down on the bed to take my socks off. I didn’t have any clothes to wear to bed. I stood up from the bed. The only thing that could be heard was the padding of my bare feet on his hardwood floors.
When I was on the other side of his door I stood there for a moment. I took a deep breath before lightly knocking twice. I fiddled with my fingers, unsure of what to do with myself. After a few seconds Louis opened the door, and stood there shirtless, waiting for me to tell him what the hell I was doing there. I admired the familiar curve of his collarbones, the new tattoos on his chest that I’d never seen before. I wondered if he had tattoos on his lower stomach or his back, but I couldn’t see past the door between us.
“I’m sorry, I just -“ I look away from his intense stare, “I left all of my clothes at Zayn’s and I-“
“-don’t have any clothes to wear to bed,” he finished for me.
I stood there a moment as he stared at me, “I’m sorry,” I apologize for the hundredth time tonight, “this is ridiculous. I’m fine sleeping in these clothes.” I began walking away, but he grabbed my wrist lightly and spun me around.
“No,” he stepped away from the door for a moment, “it’s fine, here.” Louis handed me a white v-neck t-shirt - the one he’d been wearing just minutes ago. He stepped away again, and I peeked through the door to admire the muscles which had become more apparent in his back. His skin was so much more tanned now, and much to my surprise I could see no ink on his back. When he arrived at the door again he had a pair of sweatpants within his hands. “You can use those,” he smiled at me. “Goodnight.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled out and walked to the door right beside his, which was my room. I walked into his spare bedroom and immediately threw the clothes which he’d given me onto the large bed. I pulled the t-shirt I was wearing off my head, and unclipped my bra, throwing them onto the chair within the room. I slipped his t-shirt on my torso. Fuck. It absolutely reeked of his cologne. I found myself inhaling the scent.
I bent down and pulled off the pants that I was wearing, slipping on his pair of sweatpants. They were too large and they practically hung off my hips. The t-shirt was like a dress on me, but I thought it’d be smart to wear the pants. I heard Louis’ door creak, but I disregarded it. I left my door open and crawled under the enormous sheets.
* * *
About two hours later, I was so exhausted of tossing and turning. By now I had gotten too hot, and so I’d kicked off the massive sweatpants. I had turned on the ceiling fan, but I couldn’t seem to find a successful method to help me sleep. My mind was just constantly running with scenarios of how Zayn and I’d get back together. I couldn’t stop thinking about the words which Penny had once uttered to me.
You need to choose one of them Caycia.
I needed to choose, and that was what was haunting me right now. I was weighing pros and cons and trying to figure things out in my head, but I kept fighting myself and it was getting so absolutely gruelling.
I thought about my apology to Louis. I really have forgiven him for everything he’s ever done. I realized that I could go on and on about how much I hate him for what he’s done, but at the end of the night when my head hits my pillow, you can bet every dollar you’ve ever touched that I still thank the universe for keeping him in my life.
I appreciated the idea of soul mates. The idea that someone out there is made just for you. The idea that someone out there is perfectly in sync with you, it scares me. The idea that someone out there will make me feel complete. The idea that someone out there is the best person for me to be with. One person who makes me a better person. One person who makes me whole. The idea that either Zayn or Louis is the perfect one for me. I wished I wasn’t so confused about everything. I wished the universe would give me the answer.
Before I knew what I was doing I found myself in the doorway to the spare bedroom. Louis had left his door open. That must have been the creaking I had heard earlier. He’d actually pushed his door open. I found myself taking steps towards his doorway.
I peeked inside, and his bedroom was immensely larger than mine. He had a massive king sized bed in the middle of the room, with dark oak looking matching furniture placed throughout. He was splayed out in the middle of his massive bed, and just from his breathing pattern I could tell he wasn’t asleep. I continued to creep up on him, but I tripped on a t-shirt thrown on the floor, and stumbled.
Though I literally made no noise, he slowly sat up in the bed. “Caycia?” he asked in the moonlight coming in through the large window on the one side of the room. His eyes raked up and down my body, barely covered in his v-neck. “Are you okay?” he speaks after he regains some composure.
“Mhm,” I hum and take a step towards him, “I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all.” I bit my lip, afraid of what he will say.
“Neither can I.” He says, and swipes his hand across his face, “C’mere,” his arms reach out for me.
I comply and walk towards him. He lies back down on his back, and I hop over him to the other side of the bed. I curl myself up comfortably into his side, and I can hear his heart racing at my touch. I lay my head on his chest, and listen to his rapid but steady, unbending heartbeat, and I match my breaths to it. He sighs, and kisses the top of my head. I grab the sheets which are at his ankles, and bring them up around us.
After a few minutes I can feel his breathing slowing, and I can hear his soft little snores. I feel my eyelids getting heavy, and eventually fall into a deep sleep.
A/N: PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT, IT ONLY TAKES A MILI-SECOND, BUT IT BRINGS A SMILE TO MY FACE FOREVER ILY.