That was my life now. For over a week I'd just been going back and forth from the hospital to home. It was suffocating, really.
I'd make the ten minute trip through the snow, on my way to see two people I dearly loved who had been staying there. I hated everything about hospitals. Hospitals had this awful smell, this smell that reeked of needles and stale food. Hospitals were so white, so bland and were full of people who figured it was okay to cough on your hands.
Zayn had been doing better really, his health had improved enough that I really didn't see why they were still holding him there.
However, Sean wasn't so great. Sean was still deep in a coma, and my parents refused to talk about anything. They'd act as though I wasn't in the room with them, pretending it was just them crying over Sean's comatose body.
It was something I was used to from them - being ignored. Right once I left for college I was in the shadow of my baby brother. My parents had spoiled the shit out of him, and it left me feeling as though I wasn't as important. My parents always appeared to be mad at me for reasons I didn't quite understand. I never held it against my brother, I loved him dearly and he always showed his love for me, unlike my parents.
My parents never questioned why I was in London. In fact, I wasn't entirely sure why Sean was in London to begin with. When I first moved to London is when things got bad between my family and I. I used to talk to my mom occasionally when I was living in LA but they were never really happy conversations. And then when I moved, I tried contacting them but nothing was ever returned.
I was walking up to the hospital now, on my way to visit Zayn and Sean. I heard my phone buzz within my pocket and so I lifted it up to read the message on the screen. Louis.
We need to talk.
We need to talk about what? There wasn't anything left to talk about. I was no longer with him, I was with Zayn. I wanted to still be friends with Louis, but right now I needed my space from him to sort through my feelings. I needed to deal with this guilt and talk to Zayn, but I agreed with Louis, this wasn't the right time.
I walked down the familiar hall to Zayn's room. I heard the laugh of a woman whom I figured was his mother who visited often. Walking through the door, I couldn't have been more wrong.
"Hey babe," I said aloud, breaking up their laughter. The girl shifted uncomfortably on her bed. Man was she beat up. Her face was covered in various cuts and bruises, her arm was in a cast, and a walker and cane were positioned at her bedside. I smiled meekly at her and walked over to Zayn.
"Hey," he responded. I leaned down to peck him on the lips and I swear I felt him pull away slightly. "Mmm," he mumbled, breaking the kiss, "this is Abby, my new roommate."
I turned around to find her staring at me, eyeing me up and down. "I'm Caycia. It's nice to meet you," I stuck my hand out for her to shake.
"Yeah," was all she answered, never bothering to return the hand shake.
I turned to Zayn, confused. "Ignore her," he whispered to me. I smiled at him and he grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. I missed this. I missed these small happy moments between us.
Louis suddenly tried pushing his way into my thoughts, but I pushed him right back out.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as I sat down on the bed beside him. "It looks like your hair is finally growing back in on your scalp." I motioned towards the scars which were slowly being covered with stubble.
"I'm feeling good," he grabbed my hand, tugging on each finger. "Oh, can you do a favor for me baby?" He asked.
"Of course," I answered but my voice cracked and it came out as a whisper.
"Could you take my phone and its charger in? It doesn't seem to be charging and I'm not sure if it's the actual phone or the charger," he lifted his phone up, tapping on the black screen, "it died and now I have no games or anything to play while I'm stuck in here." He frowned.
"Mhm, I'll take it in later," I murmur, grabbing the phone from his hands along with its charger and throwing it into my purse.
"Thank you, but you honestly don't have to do it right away. That damn thing has been ringing off the hook and I can never get a good night's sleep. I reckon I'll go crazy soon," he laughs and I smile.
"Are you going to visit Sean now?" he asks after he's done laughing.
I sigh, "I mean I want to, but my parents are being so rude to me lately and I don't understand it. I mean, they were rude to me before I moved, but never have they ignored me like this. I figured that if a tragedy like this happened they'd smarten up and treat me better, but it's gotten worse."
He stays quiet for a moment, "I'm sorry," he whispers not keeping eye contact with me.
And for some reason I feel as though his apology is much more complicated than that.