Everything had been such a goddamned blur for the last few weeks. Everything from the situation between Louis and I, to the accident, to Zayn's condition. I sighed. I missed having Zayn around the house. I had to admit, it was awfully lonely around here without him.
Currently I was watching an old episode of Friends. Nothing was the same without him here. The house seemed empty. I was always sleeping by my lonesome. Except for the night I called Louis.
I totally understood what I was doing. I was being selfish. My boyfriend was in the hospital and I didn't know what I was thinking. And now I realized that I never should have called Louis in the first place.
Nothing happened whatsoever, and for that I was thankful. Louis simply came over, and held me as I cried myself to sleep. He was there for me, as a friend that night and I couldn't thank him enough. That was the last night that I actually got more than four hours of sleep.
I hadn't seen Louis since then, but I was happy that I hadn't. I've had some time to think about things for the last few days and there were some things that he and I needed to talk about, but I really didn't know where to start when it came to him. I knew that if I looked into his deep blue eyes that I'd be screwed and I probably wouldn't be able to say the things that I truly needed to say.
Suddenly the doorbell rang, interrupting me from my thoughts. I stood up and walked over to the door. Looking through the peephole, it was none other than Louis. I sighed heavily and for a moment debated whether or not to actually open the door or pretend I wasn't home. I eventually found myself opening the door without even thinking.
"Hi love," he smiled at me, with that cute as hell fucking smile. Damnit I was already cracking and he'd barely talked.
"May I come in?"
I took a step back, "sure."
He walked into the house, turning on one foot awkwardly. "So . . . I uh," he scratched the back of his head, "I was just wondering how you're doing."
"Fine," I lied.
"Really? You don't look fine, love." He took a step towards me, placing his hands on my hips.
I flinched away from him, receiving a twisted look of shock. "I- I'm sorry, I can't do this," I motioned with my fingers between him and myself.
He swallowed loud enough for me to hear, "Wh-what?"
He took a step away from me, carefully seating himself on the love seat.
I walked towards him cautiously, "I can't do us anymore Louis." It took every ounce of strength within me to look into his eyes, however they weren't looking into mine. He was looking down at his feet, breathing heavily.
"What are you talking about?" His teeth were nearly grinding. Was he angry about this?
"The guilt Louis. The guilt is eating me alive. I love you, I always will love you. There's nothing about that I can change, but I just-" I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, "I need to get over any romantic feelings I'm having towards you." I blurted out.
Tears were stinging his eyes, "why?" Why can't we just be together?"
"Because I'm with Zayn. I love Zayn, and seeing you again and digging up all of those old feelings I once felt for you isn't going to change that." I said softly.
"Why are you doing this to me? Did your mother set you up to this? Does she still hate me? Does she still spit every time she hears my name? Was it Penny? Did she convince you that everything I did to you in high school doesn't make me worthy of a second chance? Fuck." He was pacing back and forth now across the living room as he rambled. "What about that friend in Los Angeles you had? Zayn said her name was . . . Melissa?"
"Marissa," I corrected him, surprised that Zayn had even remembered Marissa, never mind told all of the boys about her or myself back when I was still living in L.A.
"Was it her? Did she convince you that I'm not good enough for you?"
"N-no," I breathed, almost scared of this reaction out of him. "I haven't talked to anyone from America since I've gotten here. No one has bothered to contact me, even though I've sent several emails to them."
"Well then who the fuck said we can't be together?"
The anger was slowly rising in me. I couldn't believe that he was standing here in front of me, saying these things to my face. He couldn't really be practically begging for me on his knees when he was the one who left me so long ago. I knew that I shouldn't have gotten involved with him from the beginning, Louis was nothing but trouble. A total and complete pain in my ass. I clenched my fists at my sides, ready for battle. "You did!" I scream at him, "When you left me, soaking my grad dress with my own fucking tears!"
"Oh, here we go!" He screams back.
"Fuck you," I spit. Never had we gotten in a fight like this, but I've been holding back for the past two years. And there was a part of me that wanted to hurt him, just like he hurt me so long ago. "God Louis! You are the most selfish person I've ever met! How could you ever do this to me?"
"Really? Do this to you? You're the one that lead me on!" He throws his hands up in the air in frustration, taking a deep breath. "I'm so stupid to think that you actually cared about me. I guess I was dreaming." He practically whispered.
"You know what? I'm sorry to break it to you, but some dreams aren't meant to come true. I learned that from the best Louis, I learned that from you," I spit, and the venomous words come off awkwardly on my tongue.
The doorbell rings again, and I look up at him and it appears as though I've slapped him across the face. I turn from him, immediately regretting the poisonous words I spewed. Opening the door I face a police officer.
I straighten myself out, trying to calm from the spat. I clear my throat awkwardly, "Hello, Officer."
"Are you Ms. Clemons?"
"Yes, I am."
"I'm Officer Schmidt. Who may I ask is this behind you?" He leans around me, eyeing down Louis. I scratch the back of my neck, about to speak before Louis begins.
"I'm Louis Tomlinson," Louis states before walking towards the door. "What brings you by?" Louis asks as if we didn't just get in a huge fight.
The officer clears his throat before looking through a small folder he holds within his hands. "This is about Mr. uh, Zayn Malik?" He says questioningly wondering if he said his name correctly.
"Yes, Zayn's my boyfriend. We live here, together." I state.
"And I'm his bandmate. What's this about?" Louis asks.
"It's about the accident he was in."
My heart immediately begins to race.
"We caught him on the traffic cameras in the area."
"Mhm," I mumble, telling him to continue.
"It seems as though he ran a red light and will have to pay a fine."
"What?" Louis asks.
"I understand that he was in an accident, but he will still need to pay a fine."
"That's impossible. He didn't run the red light. I saw it with my own eyes." Louis states exactly what I was thinking.
"I'm afraid you're incorrect sir." The officer flips through the pages in the folder within his large calloused hands. He pulls out two large colored photos. "These are the photos that the traffic cameras caught at that intersection. You can clearly see the small car run the red light." He hands us both the first photo of Zayn's car, the officer points out the red light, which is lit up. "And here you can see the large SUV running through a green light." The officer then points out the green light, which is also lit up.
My hands begin to shake and I drop the half of the photos which I was lightly holding in my hands. Louis notices my reaction and speaks on my behalf. "Uh, thank you Officer." He stutters out extremely awkwardly, "is that everything?"
"Ms. Clemons, you will receive a letter in your mailbox in a few weeks with the photo of Zayn's car running that red light, and we will need Mr. Malik to pay that fine as soon as possible." The officer grabs the photos from Louis' hands before tipping his hat in our direction.
"Thank you Officer," Louis stutters out again.
"You two have a great day." He says before sauntering off down the driveway.
Louis grabs me by the shoulders, pulling my weak body into the house. He closes the door and helps me find the couch so I can sit, and breathe. Why would Zayn run a red light? What in the world possessed him to run that light? He put himself and Niall in the hospital. He put my brother into a coma. Oh my god, he put my brother into a coma, I repeat to myself. I take deep breaths, calming myself. Louis finally comes into focus and he's standing before me.
"Are you okay?" He asks, still acting as though we didn't have a huge spat.
"Yeah," I lie.
"Okay well I understand that you want to tell Zayn about us, but now's not the time. Just let me do it, okay?" He doesn't wait for my slow nods. "I'll find the right time." Within five steps Louis is out the door quicker than my brain can handle.