Days after the funeral were the hardest to go through. I was going to clubs again, having meaningless sex with sluts that only want it for the sex and drugs, I stopped taking my medication, I thought about her everyday. Everyday was another day that I was reliving my old life, the life she changed for me.
Soon, the boys and I will be going on tour and maybe it will help me get my mind off everything but, I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about her gorgeous smile and the way she told me she loved me. It was like a whisper in the wind, I heard it for a second and it was gone but, now it lingers.
Liam has been back home with his family and Brook has been drinking again, more vigorously than she was before she even met Liam. It's been terrible, everytime I go to check on her the entire house smells like whiskey or tequila or vodka and beer. Mostly beer but, I can smell one area of the house that smells strongly of whiskey and coke.
I was going to check on her today and I wasn't ready to go see her in a drunk-coma. She was angrier now and feistier and Liam left because he couldn't take it. He hated seeing her like that and she refused to listen to him and she hit him at one point and he just left. He comes back when we have to do tour rehearsal but, he hasn't been back to see Brook.
I knocked a few times before I realized the door was open. This time when I walked in she was awake. Drunk but, awake.
I heard a bottle break and then I realized she is in her room. I approached the door and she threw the bottle at door, I watch the pieces shatter and then I lifted my head. Her eyes had black bags underneath, her eyes were bloodshot from lack of a goodnight sleep and there was a boy in her bed, that wasn't Liam.
"What are you doing, you could kill someone woman!" I yelled.
"Stop yelling at me you party killer..." She got up on two feet and attempted to walk towards me but stumbled over.
I couldn't take it, she reeked of alcohol and her breath could literally put someone on their knees.
I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the shower, forcefully but, not too forceful- I didn't want to hurt her.
"Woah calm down curly, you were my best friend's boyfriend, and i can't do you in the shower," She slurred.
"Take a shower, you reek of alcohol and you need to sober up because I'm taking you to dinner. We need to talk." I demanded.
She started to take off her clothes and I looked immediately away.
"Brook, atleast wait until I'm out of the room," I announced.
"C'mon Harry, you know you want some of this," She grabbed my hand brought it onto her boobs and then down to that area. I have to admit, I was turned on by her and always have been.
I looked at her and she batted her eyes, "Kiss me Harold," she was begging.
My actions went before thoughts and I kissed her hard. She wrapped herself around my waist and we went backwards towards the bed. One by one, the pieces of clothes falling onto the soft carpet.
"Harry, I just had sex with my dead best friend's boyfriend," Brook whispered.
"I just had sex with my dead girlfriend's best friend," I whispered back.
"Tell me what it is you actually want from me Brooklyn?" I looked directly at her and she bit her lip with pure guilt.
"I miss Liam, he left me because I'm mourning and I need him to come home and I just had sex with his best friend," She babbled.
"Well, what happened in this bed, stays in this bed. I'm gonna talk to Liam in like twenty minutes. SHIT!" I got up as fast as I could and put on my sweat pants and my shirt.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"I have to be at the studio in twenty minutes, it takes me 45 minutes to get there!" I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house as fast as I could.
I texted the boys and told them I was gonna be late and got a text back from Zayn, "We need to talk with you when you get here".
I drove as fast as I could without getting a ticket and made it there in thirty minutes.
"What do you guys need to talk to me about?" I plopped down on the love seat in the recording studio.
"Are you okay?" Niall asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine why?"
"Because ever since Bella passed you haven't even been remotely the same, you went back to how you used to be before you met her. We want to help you revive the person you used to be," Zayn beamed.
"I don't need you guys. I can work this out on my own, the more sex I have with randoms the more sick and tired I get of doing it and no one doing it just like she did it. I just need to get sick and tired of fucking the same girls every night. You just have to let me be on my own. Now is this a rehearsal or an intervention because I came to rehearse the songs we wrote and not talk about my sex life and my dead girlfriend." I snapped, getting up and immediately walking into the sound check room.
How dare they attack me like it's my fault my girlfriend is dead. They only care about themselves and I think it's sick that they would even bring her up and talk about her like that. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me and screw them all if they think what I'm doing is wrong but, I would much rather have sex therapy then listen to some guy pretend that he wants to hear about Bella. I wouldn't be able to tell him anyways because he isn't worth hearing the story of how a womanizer fell in love with an angel. No one deserves to hear that story.
So we rehearsed and and rehearsed and finally everyone was too tired to continue but, I needed to sing to let it all out.
After everyone left, I started to write on my own. Kind of like a personal song and not a group song, it would never become a hit and no one would ever hear it but, I need to write a song about her.
So I wrote the whole song in four hours. By now it was getting pretty late and I needed to go see Brooklyn to make sure she isn't drinking. I didn't talk to Liam but, I plan on calling him and having him go over there tomorrow.
So I left the studio and drove to Brooklyn's apartment.
I went inside and she was sober, for the first time since Bella died. She was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee but, she didn't look too good.
"Brook, hey, are you okay?" I mumbled.
"No," She replied, putting her coffee mug back on to the table.
"Wanna talk about it?" I tried to comfort her.
"Harry, I wake up everyday and expect Bella to have coffee made, and breakfast on the table and a clean house and all the liquor stored away somewhere but, I woke up today and I realized I didn't have coffee already made, I didn't have breakfast on the table, all the liquor was out, and I don't have my best friend. I don't have her here and that hurts. I rose so high with her pushing me as hard as she could and after she died, I fell hard. I hit rock bottom and then went straight through rock bottom to the very beginning. She was my person and she will always be my person and she is looking down on me and making sure I rise up again. She would be so happy if I rose on my own but it's hard and I don't have the willpower anymore. Liam left me, I slept with Zayn like 20 minutes ago, yeah you just missed him by the way. He came to tell me that Liam isn't coming back until I stop drinking and stop blaming myself for her death. So right now, I have no one. And imagine what she thinks of me now, I slept with her boyfriend," She went on and on and I felt bad for her.
"Imagine what she thinks of me, I slept with every girl in London after she died, I stopped taking my medication, I started to do drugs and drink a lot more, I had sex with her best friend, I told all my best friends that I don't want them to comfort me and help me but, I do. I want them to help me recover and get back on track because I'm having sex every night with a different girl. None of them even compare to Bella. In bed, out of bed, in the face, in the body, no one is like her. And no one is ever going to be like her."