I took one last glance in the mirror, eyeing every last fabric on my black suit, making sure my tie was correctly done, fixing my posture, everything I knew that she would have done for me in a special occasion like this.
The boys all walked in and watched me through the mirror as I just stared at my reflection. Each and every one of them, looking sad and sorrowful. Especially Zayn. I called him first and told him what happened and he broke down while on the phone with me. I remember trying to hold back the tears but, like a flood behind a broken dam, it all just fell at once.
"Ready mate?" Louis said, and I turned around and just walked through them all, brushing shoulders with a few. Feeling like I should apologize but not gaining the willpower to do so.
Brooklyn was outside in her long black dress, her eyes darkened with her sadness, Blakely and Lila, Brook's mom, were both talking to each other and when I turned the corner I saw Bella's dad. I heard great things about him but, never thought the day would come that I would be inviting him to his only daughters funeral.
"You must be Harry," He approached me and held out his hand and I shook.
"Yes sir, I'm very sorry for the loss." I said, not telling him "your loss" because anyone she knew lost something and it didn't just belong to him.
"Thank you, as I am yours. She told me a lot about you when we spoke over the phone a month or two ago." He smirked and then his eyes began to glisten and a tear fell.
"...Excuse me," He said, walking towards the bathroom, and disappearing for a while.
"Harry, are you ready to go?" Brook asked me.
"Yeah, let's gather everyone up and go." I said, walking out the door and into my car.
I was driving alone because I was going to need to gather myself before I spoke at the open casket, which also really bothered me. You know, I saw her an hour before she was dead, I sit for an hour with her dead body limp in my arms and now I have to spend another few hours looking at her body in a dark brown coffin while I talk about all the good things she did in the time I knew her.
When I got there, a lot of friends and family were already there. Brook and the family were right behind me but, they got out of their car before I did. But, I heard a knock on the passenger window and saw Zayn there. Honestly, I don't want to to talk to the guy who was trying to get with Bella but, he was my best mate so I unlocked the door and he got in and just sat there.
"I'm sorry man," He whispered.
"Thanks," I replied in the most awkward way.
"Look, I know I shouldn't be here but, she meant something to me too." He said, making this situation even worse.
"I know. She meant something to everyone but, honestly I shouldn't be here. I was the one who was an asshole to her through the beginning and I tried so hard just to get in bed with her and she still stayed. That's what gets me through the day now. The fact that she stayed after everything I put her through. And I didn't deserve such an amazing person like her. It was just luck that she felt the same about me." I said, holding back the tears.
"Harry stop. You were her everything, even when you left and she was so mad. She still couldn't get her mind off of you." He snapped and I just stayed silent until he spoke again.
"It's starting lets go." He stated and got out of the car.
I sat and waited a minute and thought about what he said. That I was always on her mind and that she never gave up on me and even when she was mad about me leaving, she still loved me. It was a great thought and it gave me the courage to go out there and talk about all of the wonderful things about her and talk about all of the things I loved her for.
So I finally got out of my car and walked over to the beautifully set up area- white chairs, lavender flowers hanging from a large tree, the sun beaming down but, the breeze keeping it cooler.
I sat next to the Niall and Louis and after the pastor stopped talking, it was her dad's turn. He walked up and wiped his eyes when he reached the podium.
"You know, getting a call from a police officer half way across the world makes me anxious. But, getting a call from a police officer half way across the world telling me that my daughter was pronounced dead in her flat made my heart stop. For someone who only has one little girl to love and to care for, I wasn't sure what to do. My first thought was not to believe it. So I did. I stopped believing that it was true and went into denial until I got the invitation for her funeral. That's when I fell. I lost my little girl to the one thing I never thought I would lose her to." He began and then looked at her casket. "Baby girl, I promise that for the rest of my life I will be a better person because I know that's all you ever wanted me to be and that's all I ever will be when I think of you because I can feel you smiling down on me. Tell your mother that I miss you both and that I think about you everyday. I love you princess and nothing will ever change that. Thank you." Everyone stayed silent. There was no words to be spoken right now. He walked back to his seat and the next person to go to the podium was Brooklyn.
She looked at the Bella and then she looked back at the crowd.
"Having someone give up their lives for you is something on your chest you can never get off. She took the bullet for me and I want to repay my every last dime to her but, I can't because she isn't here to take it and even if she was here, she would never take it. She always did it for others and never for herself. When I was in the stage where I would drink from dusk till dawn, she would take care of me. I always told her 'just one more' and she always said to me 'if it helps i say go but, you are numbing the pain and when you're sober it's gonna come back and it's gonna burn'. Almost every time I drank she told me this. Bella wasn't just my best friend, she was the closest thing to family I ever had. Of course I had my mom and Blakely but, she has been there for me ever since the seventh grade and even when we first met she knew I was troubled and she stuck with me and helped me through everything that I went through and I never knew about any problems she had because I was so caught up in myself that I never went back to find out what the hell was happening in her life and now I will never know. I will always owe my life to you Bella." She said before breaking down and leaving the podium. But before she took her seat, she went to the coffin and looked at her, dropping a note in the sides.
Finally it was my turn.
I walked silently up to the podium and saw a little note that read:
"Don't cry" over and over and over again. It was the entire page just filled up with the words "Don't cry"
I looked up and saw everyone staring at me. I was never great at public speaking but, I figured it would be easy to talk about her.
"Hello, my name is Harry Styles if you don't know me and I was her boyfriend. I remember walking into the flat and watching my baby girls body fall as she threw Brooklyn to the side. It was the most tragic thing I have ever seen in my life. I ran to her and I just held her. She was still smiling though. She looked at me and told that it was time to let go and just from the way she smiled, I accepted it. She wasn't in pain when she died because she looked happy. She will always be a hero in my eyes. She helped me recover from being someone I absolutely hated being, she helped Brooklyn recover from drinking and she helped us all just by being such an amazing person. And yes, she did save Brooklyn's life but, do you think if she saw us all here today mourning over her death she would be smiling? We should be celebrating. Not the fact that we can't see her anymore but, the fact that she lived such a wonderful life and how she was a great person. Of course there is going to be days where we think 'if only we had our Bella here to see' or 'wow, remember when Bella did this and did that' and it will make us feel very sad but, we can't be those sad people she would of hated us all to be. Just keep imagining her smile and maybe it will get you through the day and you'll be okay. Thank you." I said, and then I walked over to her casket and closed it, placing a bouquet of her favorite flowers on top. "I'll always love you princess," I whispered, walking away and when I turned around, everyone was standing and they all looked at me awe-struck.