No pain, no problems. Problems. I have a problem with Harry and how he "acts". I have a problem with Bella, forgiving him like nothing happened. I have a problem with Zayn, for trying with Bella. I have problems with all the small things. My main problem was not getting over my actual problems. I never tell anyone this because then that creates new problems. I don't need any new problems.
It's all crazy to think about. Where I am now, where I was before, how I got here and why I would never go back. I've got a lot to live for where I am now whereas a few months ago, I would still be dreading over my ex, still going to bars every night and getting drunk and if it wasn't for Brook, I would be Harry.
Brook, Brook, Brook. She was all I thought about. Every second of every day, thats what I thought about. She probably lost the trust card on me when I brought her to rehab but, I feel like its been the biggest help she has had. I promised her though, I would never take her back there. I missed her and letting her go was as rough as it is to see her drink a bottle of wine in ten minutes.
Ten,nine,eight- time was ticking before she was gonna lose it. When she needed something calming her veins, her hands would shake and her face would become pale. She appeared to be sick and dreary but, it was just her need for alcohol and I wish I could tell everyone that she is troubled but, that would risk her getting back into rehab.
"My own boyfriend betrayed me."
Everytime I saw her, I try and erase the memory of her ever saying that, it hurts.
Her presence is like a need. I can't sleep alone because its not the same. I have this constant feeling of loneliness when I'm not with her-which is why I would never send her back to rehab- and she is an addiction.
I always promised my parents I would never fall into the category of being addicted to something. She is just an addiction and it feels wrong but, feels so right. Addictions are those things you never stay away from and she is the one thing I am addicted to. She has perfect everything. Hair, eyes, lips, skin, figure. Perfect.
I really don't believe in love. I never have. It's been 19 years and I don't know what love is. It's a strong feeling to feel. Danielle was the one girl I thought I would be able to love. It was until I met Brook, I knew that Danielle wasn't the one I loved. Danielle was my friends favorite and I was so close to truly loving her. Now I have this other girl.
I love her. When I say this, I mean it. Imagining myself with her forever is where I want to be. A happy place where there is no such thing as differences or addictions. Forever. It's a long time but honestly I wouldn't mind spending it by her side.