On Saturday Eleanor called and invited me to go shopping with her. I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of shopping, in fact I hated it but I couldn’t resist the offer because I wanted to see her. I needed to get away from things at home. Liam and I didn’t talk after that night and I wasn’t sure if I was fine with it. I mean I was so angry at him for the first few days but my anger gradually faded and at the end of the week I couldn’t find any trace of it anymore. Even though he did not say anything I could see that he regretted accusing me of stealing and that was what I needed.
I wasn’t a big fan of Facebook, Twitter or any other social network. I did have an account but it had been months since I had last checked them and if it wasn’t for Eleanor I wouldn’t have checked my twitter account that night. In fact she was trying to warn me not to check them but she was so subtle and obvious that I knew I had to expect something awful.
Liam was not home so, tired of being confined in my room all the time I grabbed my laptop, went to the living room threw myself on the couch and logged in to my twitter account and was shocked at the number of times my name was mentioned. I had always been famous for my ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude among my friends. At first I thought I could handle the hate I was receiving pretty well but it was just too much and the more I read the more my confidence was shaken. And I’d never been a very confident girl from the very beginning and the things I read really got to me.
I tried to stop reading but it was as if I was haunted. Not that I was extremely popular in highschool or anything, but I was always liked. Nobody ever hated me or at least they didn’t say it in my face even if they did. This was a whole new thing to me and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
“Lilex isn’t real!”
“How could Liam date @AlexBing after Danielle?”
“Ugh… she’s so ugly! How can Liam even look at her?”
“Could she be any shorter? She’s a midget!”
“Didn’t take Liam for someone who likes plain tomboys!”
“Has she ever tried wearing dresses? Maybe she knows she can’t pull them off!”
“She’s just a slut IDK how she’s managed to seduce Liam?”
“@AlexBing: why don’t u wear make up? U think u’re pretty? Well think again! U’re just an ugly whore.”
“we know that Lilex isn’t real but what we don’t know is why management didn’t choose tolerable girl as his fake girlfriend!”
I didn’t know how long I was reading I just knew couldn’t stop and I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for someone gripping my arms and shaking me back to reality. I looked up and saw Liam sitting beside me looking at me with a somewhat worried expression. Why was he acting so weird?
“What? Why are you looking at me like this?” I asked oblivious to why he looked at me like I was some sort of a maniac.
“This is why!” He nearly shouted as he took my right arm in his hand again and showed it to me. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had marks and a little blood all over my right arm. If it wasn’t for the blood on nails of my left hand I wouldn’t have suspected that I was the one had done it to myself. But when did I do it? The only thing that I remembered was the need to feel something. I had no idea I was capable of doing this!
“Well?” He questioned me demandingly, anger evident in his voice.
“I… I don’t remember doing this.” I muttered under my breath, knowing I looked like a psychopath.
He let go of my arm and before I could stop him he took my laptop and started reading the tweets.
“Don’t touch my stuff!” I protested and tried to take it from him but he acted as if he hadn’t heard and just turned his back to me so that I wouldn’t have any access to my laptop. Okay he was making me pissed! How dare he touch my personal stuff without my permission right in front of me? I didn’t want him to read the tweets, at least for now. I felt humiliated. After struggling for a while I managed to close the lid. He didn’t turn back to me immediately. I was angry and decided to stay my ground this time but as soon as he turned back and I saw his expression I knew I couldn’t. ‘Damn it, Alex! You didn’t used to be this weak.’
“Does the hate get to you that much?” He asked quietly.
“Does it matter?” I tried to give myself an indifferent look.
He just ignored my question. “I didn’t know you’re so weak!” He retorted and shook his head.
“Don’t you dare judge me, Liam! You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through!” I yelled at him as I got up from the couch, clenching my fists.
“Oh and hurting yourself helps solving the problem?” He shouted back at me and got up as well.
“I didn’t hurt myself, I never…” But I was cut off by him taking my right arm in his and again and turning it over to show the injuries.
“Oh yeah? What do you call this, then?” He said in a lower voice this time.
I knew he was right. Hurting myself was not the right thing to do. But I hadn’t even realized I’ve been doing that while reading those tweets but I didn’t feel like explaining all that to Liam.
“You can’t go on, hurting yourself like this because of some shit that don’t mean a thing!” He said softly.
“But I should let you hurt me, huh? Why is it that you can hurt me but I’m not allowed to do what I want with my body?” I replied coldly.
“Why do you even care? Don’t worry! I’ll cover it up so that the paps can’t see.” I continued raising my voice a bit this time trying to get a reaction out of him but I failed miserably.
He just closed his eyes and made it impossible for me to read his mind. All I could see was a tired, frustrated face. Just as I was about to get my arm out of his hand and head to my room he tightened his grip on my wrist. I looked at him half curiously, half annoyed.
He didn’t say anything he just switched his grip, taking my other hand and dragged me along to the bathroom. I didn’t make any protests as I was shocked and curious about what he was about to do. He opened the door, opened the water tap and started washing my arm under the water to my surprise. It stung like a bitch but I didn’t make a sound. I just frowned and concentrated on what he was doing but he saw my face.
“Does it sting?”
I didn’t want to say yes but it was obvious that I was lying if said no so I just nodded.
“Good!” He said firmly.
My eyes widened in shock and I had to resist the strong urge to elbow him in the face but I managed to do so. He was acting the best I’ve ever seen him and I didn’t want to push my luck and start another fight.
After it was down he handed me a towel to dry my arm and without saying a word motioned me to sit on the edge of the bathtub. He took a cloth, poured some sort of medicine that was in a white bottle with no name on it and sat next to me and started dabbing it on my arm, not so gently but if he thought that I was going to whine o ask him to be gentle he was wrong.
“It happens to everyone you know? It’s not about you. You just have to learn to switch it off and stop caring.” He started out of nowhere.
“Some of them are right…” I replied in a whisper more to me than to him but he heard.
“Bullshit!” He frowned but didn’t stop doing what he was doing.
“I am short!”
“Normal short, not a midget! It makes you quite…” He didn’t continue though. He kept dabbing the cloth on my skin a bit harsher.
“I am a tomboy!”
“I don’t see what’s so bad about that!”
“We are not real!”
“Well that one is right.” He answered as he got up and threw the dirty cloth in the sink.
“But they’re not supposed to know that. Maybe you’re not doing your job as well as you’re supposed to. If they’re thinking that I don’t see any reason for you staying here anymore”
My mouth nearly dropped open. How could he go from sweet (well as sweet as he could be) to the dick he was now in a matter of seconds?
“What am I supposed to do? They’ve never seen us together except for the interviews. Of course they would think so!” I raised my voice.
“Well, maybe we should go on a fake date then!” He smirked.
“I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“But that’s your job, remember, Alex? You’re not getting that huge sum each month for nothing. You have to be good for something!”
I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. “When?” I said through gritted teeth.
“Friday evening.” He said cockily the fucking smirk still on his face.
So! How do you like soft Liam?