17. Love Me
*one mouth later*
"He misses you. Just go back and surprise him." Angel tried to convince me through the phone. "Angel I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want the stress. They need to finish the tour without me and that's final. They're better off without me anyways." I looked around my new Californian apartment that I've been living in for the last mouth. It gets lonely for sure, but it's for the best.
"You mean Zayn's better off without you? Because he's not. He's a mess. Haven't you seen the magazines lately? He's depressed Sophia." I sucked in a deep breath. "I know Angel but I can't do anything. He doesn't need me right now. I only caused trouble in his life."
I heard Angel groan. "Sophia do you hear yourself? It's Zayn we're talking about remember? The boy that's madly in love with you. Sophia if you don't go back Zayn will really move on and you'll never get him back." Then I heard the dial tone.
Why was my best friend being so harsh with me? She doesn't even know what I'm going through. Whatever I don't need her right now.
I slipped my phone into my pocket and looked around my empty apartment. I need to get out of here. Maybe I'll go to the beach. Take a walk or something.
I grabbed my swimsuit and put it on. I slipped on some shorts and plaid button up shirt. I grabbed my sandals and my phone.
My apartment was right across from this amazing beach. It was beautiful. I got there in less than two minutes. I'm starting to really enjoy LA.
I sat on the sand taking in my surroundings. It felt like I could just block everything around me, but there was one familiar voice that kept bothering me.
"Seriously guys can't we just stay here in the hotel?" I begged the boys. They all shook their heads no. "Zayn you can't be cooped up in every hotel room we stay at. Come outside with us." Harry said as patted my shoulder. I sighed as I followed them out the hotel.
The heat was extreme and the fact that I just wanted to stay back in the hotel to relax got me even angrier. "C'mon Zayn the beach looks great."Harry spoke as he pulled me onto the sand. I groaned as I felt sand seep into my vans. "Harry you got sand in my shoes." I sat down on the beach shaking out the sand. "Sorry mate."
The rest of the boys started to kick the football around while Harry sat down beside me. "Zayn she's gone. You've got to move on." I nodded my head. "I know. Its just I have this weird feeling. I don't know."
Harry got up and looked down on me.
"Well I'm gonna go play football with the boys. See you later." I gave him a small smile as he walked away. I looked around the beach. Something felt weird and I seriously don't know how to explain it.
I let my fingers play with the grains of sand that currently lay in my hands as I walked down the shore of the beach. The sun looked absolutely perfect. The wind was blowing slightly and the sky was a mixture of orange, red and purple.
I continued down the shore, when that voice caught my ear again. It sounded so familiar.
"Excuse me Miss, would you mind passing me that ball?" I heard someone say. I looked down and surly there was a soccer ball beside my feet. The voice became more clear and so did the person.
"Sophia? Is that you?" I looked up to see Louis. He had a grin on his face from ear to ear. My eyes widen. "Louis? What are you doing here?" I questioned quite confused. "We're here on tour. What are you doing here?" He asked pulling me into a hug.
"Lou I live here. Oh god is Zayn here?" I asked frantically. Louis nodded his head. "Of course he's here. Go say something to him. He misses you so much." I shook my head. "I can't Lou. You have to swear that you didn't see me okay. There's some things that I'm still figuring out. I can't talk to Zayn and he can't find out that I'm here. Please Lou." Louis let out a sigh and nodded his head. "We've missed you so much." He spoke while wrapping his arms around my waist. "I missed you to."
"Well I should get back to the boys before the find out that it was you." Louis said giving me one last look. I nodded my head as he turned around and walked back to the boys.
I continued on my walk trying to clear my head from all this madness. If Zayn's here I have to be extra careful.
I somehow made it back to my apartment without anyone noticing. I collapsed onto my couch letting out my breath while grabbing my phone. There was as always a text from Zayn that he sends me everyday.
I miss you.
I really wanted to text him back. I don't know what to say. It wouldn't make sense if I started to text him now.
I aimlessly clicked reply and thumb out an I miss you to. I felt my stomach churn as my finger hovered over the send button.
"Just send it. You know you want to." I tried to convince myself. I finally came up with enough courage and pressed send.
I hope this wasn't a mistake.
The boys and I got back from the beach and decided on some movies. I felt my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text. From Sophia.
I miss you to.
I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. I was sort of both. I quickly got up and went into my room. I sat down on my bed and clicked on her contact.
"Hello?" I heard from the other end. "Sophia, please don't hang up." I spoke quietly into the phone. I heard her sigh. "Hey Zayn."
I could feel my stomach do flips. "Sophia I miss you so much. Why won't you return my calls?" I didn't know what else to say.
"Because I hurt you Zayn. I'm embarrassed of what I did to you. How can you even forgive some like me?" I heard her sniffle into the phone.
"Because I love you." I need her to know that I still feel the same about her. "Y-you still love me?" She asked.
"Of course. I can't just erase my feelings. Sophia I want you back."
"Zayn I have to go. I'm sorry." She spoke quickly. "Sophia wai-" The dial tone rang through my head. I got so angry that I threw my phone across the room.
"Hey whats going on in here?" As I heavily breathed Harry and the rest of the boys walked in. "Zayn what'd you do?"
I scoffed. "Why do you think I did something? I didn't do anything wrong other than ask Sophia to come back. She obviously moved on." As I spoke I noticed Louis acting very strange.
"Lou, if you know something about Sophia you'd tell me right?" I said as I got closer. He nodded his head as he fiddled with his fingers.
"Do you know anything?" I questioned him. Louis looked around acting like he didn't hear the question.
"Lou seriously do you know anything?" Liam stepped in. "I-I well-s-she told me not to say anything especially to Zayn." Louis stuttered out.
"When did you talk to Sophia?" My patience was wearing thin. "C'mon Lou if this was Eleanor you would want to know."
Louis sighed out. "Alright. She's in LA." I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean she's in LA?" Niall asked quickly. I gave him a look like back off. He raised his hands up in defense.
"Lou where is she?" Liam asked. Louis let out a sigh. "She lives right across from the beach that we went to today."
"I'm leaving." I spoke. I grabbed my jacket and room key and was about to leave when Harry pulled me back. "Zayn what if she doesn't want to see you?"
I shook my head. "Harry I have to see her. I have to." Harry gave me a nodded telling me he understood. "I'll be back later."
I stood nervously in front of Sophia's apartment. I've been here for over twenty minutes but I haven't built up the courage to actually knock on the door. I'm scared of what she'll say.
I forced my hand to knock on the door. When I pulled away I closed my eyes tight. I was freaking out. I took a deep breath as I backed away from the door. Suddenly, without any warning the door flew open. "Zayn?"
I finished my tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and dropped it to the floor. I was currently sitting in my living room watching cheesy romantic films whilst stuffing my face with junk food. It feels like I've just gone through my breakup all over again since that call with Zayn today.
I don't know why I was acting like this. Why can't I just let Zayn back into my life? I should be the one begging for him not the other way around. It just feels so wrong. I don't know what to do.
I wiped away the few tears that fell from my eyes. This movie was seriously the best love story. I could never get sick of the Notebook.
As I reached for a tissue, someone knocked on the door. I groaned as I got up off the couch. Whoever was at the door was ruining the film.
I got to the door, not really caring to look through the peep hole. My eyes widened when I saw who was standing outside. He nervously was scratching the back of his neck and had a crooked smile upon his lips.
"W-what are you doing here?" I nervously asked him. "Well hello to you to." He cheekily spoke. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.
"I missed you so much Sophia." He whispered into my ear. "Zayn why are you here?" I asked again.
"I'm here to get you back."
I sat across from Zayn in my living room. I don't know what to say to him and every time he tries to say something I push him away. I can't believe Louis told him.
"Sophia please just talk to me. I miss you." Zayn sat down beside me and put his hand on my thigh. I was lost for words. "Zayn I-" I paused for a moment my tongue getting tied.
"Sophia I'm begging you to take me back." Zayn pleaded me. His eyes never leaving mine. He tried to wrap his arms around my waist but I pushed him away. "Zayn why are you begging me? I'm the one who screwed up. I should be begging you for forgiveness." I was confused and felt guilty.
"I know, but I'm over it now. It's because I love you." I shook my head.
"Zayn there's somethings you need to understand before you think about us getting back together." I started.
"There's nothing to understand. Whatever happened between you and Niall was a mistake-" Zayn grabbed both of my hands with his. "-I just want to forget about it and move on. Why can't we do that?"
"Because!" I screamed as I pulled my hands away from his. I stood up in front of him my hands racking through my hair.
"Because why?" Zayn scream with as much force startling me. I could feel the tears starting to build up in my eyes ready to fall and expose how weak I was.
"Because that kiss with Niall meant something to me. I don't want to admit it but I have feelings for Niall." I dropped my head down in shame. I couldn't look into his eyes. I could already feel Zayn ready to explode in anger.
"W-what? You have feelings for him?" I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Then another, then another.
I felt Zayn's finger hook under my chin forcing me to look into his eyes. His eyes were full of tears, his true emotions written all over his face. "Look at me." I tried to pull away but he roughly grabbed my wrist. "You can't walk away from me after everything we've been through. Sophia you can't."
"I don't know what to say! What do you want me to say to you? That I was kidding? That I didn't feel anything with Niall? Zayn I can't lie to you anymore!" I pulled away my voice cracking.
"So you don't love me anymore?" He whispered. I shook my head. "Zayn I do love you. It's just I don't think we should be together."