22. Come And Get It
I looked down at my hands feeling very ashamed of myself. Its true, I have been cutting. I feel dirty and horrible and I don't understand what led to that. I wish I could've stopped myself before Zayn found out.
"Zayn I-" Zayn cut me off. "I can't believe you. Why wouldn't you just talk to me? You know how much I love you. You know I could've helped you. Why won't you let me help you?" I shook my head.
"Zayn you don't get it. Being pregnant and having your father screaming at you all the time isn't fun. I know you care about me and I understand you're disappointed, but I can't erase my past."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at Zayn. His hand was still bleeding and all I wanted to do was help him. "Zayn can we please talk about this later? Your hand is bleeding a lot."
I walked over to him and gently opened his hand. The cut was large and it ran down the middle of his hand.
"Just let me help you and we can talk about it later. I promise." Zayn let out a heavy sigh as he let me pull him into my washroom. I cleaned up his hand and wrapped a bandage around it.
When I was finished I looked at Zayn to see him staring off at the wall. "Zayn? Are you alright?" He nodded his head as he stood up. His face looked pale and his usual hazel eyes were dull.
He rested his good hand on my shoulder as we walked back to my room. I let him crawl on the bed so he could get some rest.
"I could get you a glass of water?" He shook his head but waved me over to sit with him. I crawled over to him and rested my head on his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist pulling his body even closer to mine.
"I'm sorry. I know I should've never done what I did." I sat up to look at Zayn. He had his eyes shut tight with a few tears spilling out. It broke my heart to see him like this. And it was my fault. I wiped his tears away hating myself even more.
"Zayn..." I desperately wanted him to look at me. Not with those sad eyes. But with the ones I fell in love with. The ones that are filled with joy.
"I made a mistake. I need you to believe that it was a one time thing. I just needed an escape." Zayn's eyes finally opened revealing those dull orbs filled with tears.
"I could've been your escape. I could've helped you but instead you cut me off. You left me alone. You didn't care. I would've helped you. This baby isn't only happening to you Sophia, it's also happening to me."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect that Zayn was that upset when I decided to go home. I didn't know that I hurt him like that.
"I don't know what to say..." I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment. I already could feel my eyes start to burn as tears started to build up.
"Sophia..." Zayn trailed off. "I didn't mean to say that. I was just upset. Please talk to me." Zayn pulled at my hands but they wouldn't budge.
"Babe. I'm sorry." Zayn wrapped his arms around me with his face in the crock of my neck. I could feel a small smile appear on my lips but I wasn't ready to pull my hands away yet.
"Sophia you know I love you right? I love you to the moon and back." As Zayn spoke he pressed soft kisses to my neck making me giggle.
"I love you too." I whispered as I pull my hands away from my face. I turned my head so I could look at Zayn with a small smile on my face. When I looked into his eyes they weren't dull anymore. Zayn leaned forward and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Will get through this. Don't worry."
I relaxed back into Zayn's arms before shutting my eyes. As I feel into sleep I felt something warm against my lips. I felt Zayn's hand caress my cheek as he kissed me to sleep.
"I still can't believe you did all of this." I was in totally shock when Zayn showed me the babies room. It was beautiful. It's was perfect.
"You really like it?" I turned to see Zayn standing by the door looking down at the floor. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him.
"Zayn I love it. Thank you." I looked into Zayn's eyes. His cheeks were a bright pink as he gave me a warm smile. I leaned forward and placed my lips onto his. Zayn wrapped his arms around my waist as I deepened the kiss. Pulling away, Zayn placed his forehead onto mine.
"I love you so much."
I pulled the covers over Sophia sleeping body and placed a kiss into her forehead. I quietly stepped out of our room into the living room to see the boys waiting for me.
"Is she asleep?" Liam questioned. I weakly nodded my head as I dropped my body onto the couch beside Harry.
"It's gonna be alright Zayn. Don't worry." Harry spoke once he clearly understood how stressed I was.
"I know, but how am I gonna tell her that we're going back on tour again. I can't leave her now. This isn't going to work." I let out a sigh feeling very overwhelmed. Just thinking that I have to go back on tour in two weeks makes me exhausted. I can't leave Sophia.
"Just talk to her. And she won't be alone. She'll have Angel, Eleanor and Danielle. You don't have to worry."
I shook my head. "You guys don't understand. Sophia will do things and I don't think her friends can stop her." I ran my fingers through my hair getting frustrated and my friends.
"What do you mean she'll do things?" Louis asked nervously. I felt my stomach churn just thinking about Sophia and what she might do to herself.
"C'mon Zayn you can tell us." Liam reassuring voice broke my thoughts.
"S-she's been c-cutting." My voice cracked multiple times but I didn't care. The looks on my friends faces were of shock or horror.
"What? When?" Niall voiced broke the silence."
The thing is, whenever I want to talk about it, Sophia pushes the subject away. All she says is that she's really sorry and she'll never do it again. I've tried so hard to get her to talk to me but I don't want to push her limits so I act like nothing has happened. It hurts to not know what's going on with her when all you want to do is help her. I don't want anything else. I just want her to be safe and happy. Is that to much to ask for?
"That's the thing. She won't tell me anything. She just wants to put it behind us but I can't do that. I need to know because if I'm going on this tour I have to make sure that none of that happens ever again. I won't risk it."
I rested my head in my hands feeling tears pour out of my eyes. "I can't leave her. She has no where to go. She can't go back home and she can't come with us." It was like something snapped in me. I was crying like a baby in front of my band mates about my girl friend like it was nothing. I've lost all my "pride" but I couldn't care less.
"Zayn we'll talk to Simon about Sophia but I think that's all we can do. You have to come on this tour and I'm not just saying that because its our job but you and I know that Sophia won't allow you to stay here and not come with us." Harry explained.
"I know. I just don't trust her to be by herself."
"You'll figure something out. You always do."
"Zayn? Where're you taking me?" So asked as we drove. We've been driving for at least ten minutes but Sophia obviously couldn't wait. "Babe we're almost there. Just sit back and relax." Sophia rolled her eyes making me laugh.
"What was the point of this anyways? We could've stayed at home." I turned to Sophia when I stopped at red light.
"We could've but there's no fun in that." I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. Pulling away I gave her one last peck and a smile.
"Zayn are you hiding something from me?" Sophia asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. I could feel my hands start to sweat against the steering wheel.
"N-no. Why would you say that?" I asked nervously. I pressed on the gas when the light finally turned green.
"I don't know, you're just acting strange lately."
I gave her an innocent smile. "I'm not hiding anything. I just want to spend some times with you."
I heard Sophia grumble under her breath. I laughed quietly and thought that maybe Sophia's pregnancy hormones were already getting to her.
We final arrived at restaurant that was called Italy's Best. I pulled Sophia through the doors told the guy who was standing near the door my last name. He nodded his head politely while turning around to show us our table.
I had asked for a table in the back so no one would bother us and we could have some alone time.
"You look beautiful babe." Sophia looked away from the menu that was currently sitting in her lap and gave me a smile. "You think so? I don't feel so great."
I grabbed her hand over the table. "Baby you look beautiful everyday." He cheek turned a light pink so she hid herself with the menu.
After we had our dinner and I paid, I brought Sophia back to the car so we could go to our next destination. "Zayn where are we going now?"
I pulled out a bandana and dropped it in her lap. "It's a surprise. So put that on. And no peeking."
Sophia let out a sigh as she wrapped the blindfold over her eyes. "What's with the surprises lately? I seriously don't get it."
I let Sophia rant on for the rest of the car ride to the hotel just because she sounded so funny.
"Alright we're here. But don't take the blindfold off." Sophia groaned which only made me laugh harder.
"Babe quit with the moaning. I haven't even touched you." I already knew that Sophia would get angry at my inappropriate comment but oh well.
"Just kidding." I laughed as I pulled her through the French doors of the hotel room.
"Alright. You can take your blindfold off."
I pulled off my blindfold to see that I was standing in the middle of a luxury hotel room. "Zayn why did you get us a room?" Zayn stood in front of me with a small smile on his lips. "Am I not allowed to treat my beautiful girlfriend that I love so much?" He asked innocently.
"Well you are allowed but we just had dinner and it was more than enough." I tried to reason with him.
Zayn walked over to me with his arms wrapped around my waist. "I know but I just want to escape for a night. Just you and me. We have no worries and I wanted too make you feel special." I could feel my cheeks start to heat up. "Your beautiful when you blush." Zayn whispered into my ear.
"C'mon lets start the bath." I let Zayn pull me to the bathroom which was huge. He filled the tub up with warm water, bubbles and and some scented stuff.
I watched as Zayn stripped off his shirt already feeling self conscious about my growing baby bump. When Zayn noticed, he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I stared at both of our reflections. I hated how I looked. I looked like a chubby monkey.
"I don't want to take a bath anymore." I felt Zayn rest his chin on my shoulder with a pout on his lips.
"You're beautiful. You don't have to be ashamed of anything." I rolled my eyes. "Zayn I'm fat and I don't want to squish you in the tub."
Zayn sighed and wrapped me in a real hug. "Babe you're not fat. There's a baby growing bigger everyday inside you. You're still beautiful and don't ever think anything less."
I rested my head on his shoulder as I thought about what he told me. Maybe I wasn't fat, but I still don't find myself attractive anymore.
"C'mon. I know you want to get in that tub. I bet the baby will like it too."
Zayn gave me a soft peck to my lips before slowly unzipping my dress. I stepped out of it and rolled my eyes at Zayn.
"You're so passive aggressive." Zayn laughed as he went to turn the tap off. "I am when I really want something."
A couple minutes later we both sat in the tub. At first it took Zayn a few tries to get me actually in the tub, but soon enough I was sitting there with my back against Zayn's chest with a pout on my face.
"See this isn't as bad as you thought." As Zayn spoke I felt him rub my back with some sort of soft material.
"Hmm." I could barely reply as Zayn's massage techniques took over. To make things worse Zayn started to kiss my back and neck making me moan in pleasure.
"Sophia is the something wrong?" I bit the inside of my mouth trying to figure out what to say. I turned so I was facing him.
"Zayn, I want to do it right this time." Zayn's eyebrows furrowed for a second but he soon realized what I was talking about.
"Are you sure?" He asked as we both got out of the tub and dried ourselves off.
"I want to remember this. So yes, I'm sure." In one swift movement, Zayn picked me up in his arms over to the bed.
"Are you positive that you want to do this?" Zayn looked hesitant as he asked me. Of course I was nervous, but I only was because it would be my real first time.
"I'm 100% sure that I want to do this. Especially with you. I love you Zayn."
Zayn pressed his forehead to mine. "I love you too."
Sophia had just fallen asleep in my arms. I still can't believe we just did that. I'm not gonna lie but it felt amazing. It was perfect and it happened like the way that I always imagined it to happen.
I pressed my lips onto Sophia forehead when suddenly I started to feel sick. And not just your average cold or flu. I felt horrible because the whole reason why I wanted to give Sophia this amazing night was to tell her I was leaving. I just got so caught up in the moment that I lost track of time. I certainly can't wake her up now and tell her. Now I've lost my best opportunity.
"Sophia, I need you to not be upset with me when I tell you this. I love you so much and I can't be apart from you for more then a day. B-But, I have to go. I'm going on tour again."