"You want to get some food, mate?" Liam asked quietly. He stood up and stretched, smiling at me encouragingly.We were all wound up pretty tight. Jamie has been in there for two hours.
"No, I'm not hungry."
"You fellas wanna grab a drink or something?" Liam offered, asking the other lads.
Slowly, there were murmurs of agreement. They stood up and walked towards the cafeteria, scratching their heads and sighing of exhaustion. We were all still in our fancy clothes, the ones we wore to the after-party. Although they weren't in tip top condition, the clothes looked fine.
I laughed, although it was strained so it sounded more like a sob.
How could I be worrying about clothes when Jamie's in there, fighting for her life?
I looked down at my blazer. It was covered in blood. I started shaking again. If Jamie....
The door swung open as a woman wearing a face mask walked through. She saw me and I automatically got up to my feet.
"Who's here for Jamie Smith?"
Both James(who looked miserable and had been sitting quietly in the corner) and I stood up.
She walked over to us while she wiped her hands on a paper towel.
"She lost a lot of blood,"she started. I clenched my fists. "But she's a fighter. She just needs lots of rest. She'll be alright," she told us. We exhaled loudly.
"Can we see her?"
She looked at me with kind eyes. She hesitated. Eventually, the ends of her mouth turned up into a small smile.
"Not for long," she informed me.
"Thank you," I said gratefully.
I started to jog towards her room, as the doctor told me earlier.
"I'll wait for the others," James informed me, understanding how much I wanted to be alone with her.
My hand was on the handle. I was shaking. The only thing separating Jamie and I was a white door, with a small window. I peered inside and saw Jamie on the hospital bed yet again. It seemed like she'd been spending too much time in the hospital,I was beginning to think she wasn't safe with me. The publicity that I received and the attention it brought to Jamie was too much to bear. How many more times would I have to see Jamie hurt?
My hands were shaking. I steadied my breathing.
Walking in, the heart monitor was loud,almost too loud. But to hear it was also a relief. Because Jamie was still here.
But being with me put her in too much danger.
At least she was asleep so she couldn't hear my shaky breaths.
I sat by her side, slowly wrapping my fingers around her hand and gently squeezing it, careful not to shift the needle on the top of her hand.
She hates needles.
I kiss the top of her hand, followed by her forehead, eyelids and finally lips. To do this, I had to stand up and I saw myself in the mirror across the room. I frowned. I looked like shit.
But I'd give anything to switch places with her. She didn't deserve this.
"Hey," I murmured against her hand.
"I love you," I said, with all the conviction I had. "You're so beautiful."
My eyes travelled from her closed eyes to the tip of her nose, to her lips. I tried not to wince at the scars and marks , thinking of how much that must hurt.
"You not safe with me. Everyone watches you and I know that you hate that, even though you tell me you're not bothered. I don't know why you fell in love with someone like me,but you did. And being with you is just..."
My thumb traces the band of her promise ring.
"I can't imagine life without you in it. But by being with me, I'm putting you in danger."
I draw in a sharp breath. "Simon tells me we shouldn't be together," I scowl,"that we don't...fit."
I tuck the loose strands of hair on her face behind her ear. "That...I should leave you."
I bring her palm to my face and kiss it. "But I'm selfish. I can't do that. I'd never do that,princess. You mean too much. I need you."
I hear footsteps outside the door and soft murmurs. I wipe my eyes and nose with the back of my hand and stand up, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
"I love you with all my heart, Jamie. I always will."
The others come inside,quietly. I leave the room, finally feeling my appetite return. I make my way to the cafeteria. It isn't Nandos but I guess this will have to do.
I find myself much hungrier that expected and end up stuffing my face for an hour. I notice some stares and second looks but I must look too distraught and exhausted to look like Niall Horan. Or it could be the bodyguards or the fact that there was a whole area cordoned off.
A few moments later, the lads join me, including James, and we joke around, eating a bag of crisps. Knowing that Jamie is safe feels much better.
"Her dad hasn't come to visit her yet," Harry says, though it sounds more like a question.
"He's probably on his way here. Doing what he did must have taken a lot out of him," I say sympathetically," even for an FBI agent."
I sigh loudly, standing up to stretch. "I'll see you lads in a bit."
They understood that I was going back to Jamie. I sauntered back to the room,feeling better. I even managed to smile at a nurse along the way. She smiled back.
I reached the door and turned the handle, expecting to see Jamie on the bed,sleeping.
But when I do open the door, all I see is an empty bed. I stand there, too shocked to react.
Jamie was right there. Where could she have gone?
I searched the room for any clues. Upon searching the neatly made bed, I saw a flimsy piece of paper, with some words scrawled on it. With my shaking hand, I reached out to read it. The writing was hasty, almost too hard to read.
I cant do this anymore, Niall. I cant be with you. Don't try to find me. Please, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday. I love you, I do and always will. Tell them I'm sorry and that I love them.
I'm so sorry.
I sank to my knees, clutching the piece of paper. I was angry. Why would she do that? I love her.
She can't just leave me. But she did. As the truth dawns on me, I pound my fist on the wall, slamming my head into it, finally sitting on the floor, with my back resting on the wall.
My body shakes. Shaking out of anger, fear, sorrow. I read the note again and again until I'm numb.
When the last sob escapes my lips, I mutter the words I never wanted to say.