Things were going well with Matthew and I. We started dating and we were official. I thought that this was the way it was supposed to be. Louis was happy with Eleanor, and I was happy with Matthew, right?
"Mum, this is Matthew," I said as Matthew kindly greeted my mother and giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek.
"Lovely to meet you, Matthew, I've heard great things," My Mother said kindly.
We all sat around the old oak dining table, that I knew so well and talked about what I have been up to mostly, that was all that my Mum seemed interested in. My Mother made it blatantly obvious that she wanted to speak with me alone.
"Matt, could you quickly run out to the car and grab my phone for me?" I asked, trying to get him out of the house for a brief minute or so.
"Yeah sure, babe," He said as he got up and headed out the front door to the car. My Mother quickly got up after him and locked the front door behind him.
"Mum!" I said. She just looked at me and shrugged.
"What are doing Lis?" My Mum finally asked me.
"What are you talking about?" I said, playing dumb, although I knew where this was heading.
"Ignoring Louis? Dating this bonehead.." She said.
"Mum.. don't be rude," I said, ignoring the question.
"You don't really love him, I know who you really love, Lis, don't play games with me.. or yourself!" My Mum said giving me hard advice.
I sighed and looked into my almost empty cup. "I.. I jus-" Before I could finish I was interrupted by Matthew knocking on the door. Perfect timing if I don't say so myself.
"I'll get that," My Mother said. I stayed seated and watched as my Mother went to the door. Instead of opening it and letting him through, she handed him some money and told him to go buy some milk and a loaf of bread from the mini-mart down the road. I giggled to myself. My Mum was so predictable.
"He's gonna think you hate him.." I said when she finally came and sat down.
"Eh, anyway.. you were saying..?" My Mum said, pressing play on our conversation.
I sighed again. "Mum, he has a girlfriend.. They've been going out for over a year.. He's clearly happy with her.." I said, hoping that would be the end of it.
"He cares about you, and he misses you Lis, did you ever think that the reason he starting dating this Eleanor girl is because of the same reason that you began dating Matthew?"
I had to think for moment. Could it be true?
"I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, he even asked Jay to pass on a message to me, asking you to make contact to check that you're still alive.." She added.
"I got that message, Mum,"
"Just like you got all his messages. You have his number, call him. Just at least tell him how you feel, before it's too late..".
"I don't think your Mum liked me all that much.." Matthew said as we were driving back to London.
"I wouldn't say that she doesn't like you, she just has a difficult time accepting new men in my life.." I said, making an excuse.
"Fair enough, after what that Steve guy pulled on you.. I woul-"
I cut him off. "I don't want to talk about that, Matt."
"Yeah.. Sorry.." He said quietly.
I turned to face the window more and put my headphones in. I couldn't get what my Mum had said off my mind.
I took a deep breath in. I was seriously about to do this. I was going to call Louis. I had no clue what I was going to say. I dialled the number and pressed call. I put it slowly up to my ear, it was ringing.
"Hello?" I heard a friendly and familiar voice ask.
I froze, it was really him. I began to speak but nothing came out. I quickly ended the call and slammed my phone onto the table I was leaning against. I threw my head into my hand and collapsed on the floor.
How did it become so hard to speak one word to someone I could speak to endlessly to most of my life?