Closed Eyes

Rose remembers nothing of her past lives. It isn't usual for people of the Memoir tribe to come into being without a past life but Rose doesn't seem to have one... Or so she thinks...

In dimension 51 Somnium's inhabitants are beings made from the remains of the deceased from Earth. Each created to be the age they were when their former selves were their happiest the memories of their past selves remain in their beings from creation till death their personality, and such already manifested thanks to their past selves. Whilst memories and such are created in the duplicates of their past selves, their appearances are strikingly different. Longer limbs and sometimes dis-figuration is common in those not created in the planet's core facilities.

Rose was made from the planet's core facilities. Number 93 765 234th to be exact. But unlike the others she has no idea who she is... Who her past was... Why she is alive. By default she is a failure. But thanks to kindness is kept to find herself.


6. Life

For the life of me, I can't seem to find a way to tell them I know. I stare at the blue hues cast off by the fluorescent blue waves of light energy that powers Dimension 51. I'm in one of the recovery chambers... Which on Earth, would have been seen as more as a white room without walls, doors, or windows. With the light energy flowing in, and out it's meant to calm those sent inside. Only it reminds me of the passing of my daughters life.
"She's vulnerable, Ryan. Haven't you done enough to upset her?" I can hear Penny by some miracle, through the walls. I can hear him pacing, his hands moving through his hair as he stops to rest his forehead on the wall separating us. Unlike me, however, he can see me with his own eyes.

"What happened to," he pauses, seeming to choke on his words slightly.

"What happened to Delilah was an accident. Sure there were things we could have done but it wasn't either of our faults." he murmurers not believing the words himself. It was almost as if I know his beating himself up inside just as Penny seems to find every opportunity to do, to him, also...


"It wasn't your fault Ryan." I say, not an ounce of emotion behind those five words. We watch her coffin slowly lower into the ground. My arms are wrapped around my torso, and my cheeks stained with tears. I stare vacantly at as the priest gives a slight shake of his head, as if - in his own way - upset by the fact another young life was taken too soon. His arms reach around me, and his chin rests on my shoulder.

"She loved you, Rose," Ryan whispers his hands gently caressing my clenched hands. I look down, and unwind my hands slowly to see the cuts my nails have made on the insides of my palms. It hurts for a moment then it's forgotten as hurt I still carry comes back with ferocious force. I entwine my hands with his savoring the comfort he gives me as he moves his thumbs across my knuckles. The comfort is slowly followed by the sadness I carry.

"We both love you." He murmured kissing my cheek as another painful swelling of tears begins to slide down my cheeks.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her Ryan," I say staring at the open grave as my father steps forward to throw in the first lot of dirt. He knows I couldn't do it... So his done it for me. Meeting his eyes I watch as his own well up, before he comes, and embraces both Ryan, and I. The sobbing begins again, and I can barely see the pain in my father's eyes as he watches me break down.

"She's really gone, Dad." I say, watching a tear escape his eye. He reaches out, and his hand brushes away a few of the tears that slide down my cheeks.

"There's nothing either of you could have done." He says his eyes locked on mine. For a moment, I can't do anything but take a shaky breath before giving him a nod. My father then glances at Ryan over my shoulder giving him a somewhat stern nod. I know what it means... 'Look after her.' Turning away from my child's grave, I think of my mother. All beauty, and kindness - in my eyes Delilah was as beautiful as her reincarnate.

"Let's go home..." Ryan says taking my hand.


My eyes linger on the ceiling. The blue energy that surrounds our dimension buzzes in and out of the walls as if they don't exist.

"If I were that energy the walls would be time..." I ponder for no reason. I slip my legs off the bed, and stare blankly out one of the walls. Unlike the others, these aren't glass. I can't see a thing through them. You'd think it would cause me to be unsettled... Yet, it is quite the opposite. Comfort holds me in a fragile state. How else would I be, having just remembered the past life that was meant to be mine. The person that I, supposedly, used to be... Having lost everything in the blink of an eye.


"You can't quite put it into words can you?" Ryan's voice echoes softly throughout the room. I look up. He stands beside a closing door, his hands burrowed in his jacket pockets his hair on end from all the finger-threading he's been doing. I watch him silently, not even attempting to put the emotion into words, because I know the truth. There are no words to describe the sick feeling that weighs my stomach. The sudden weight on my shoulders from not knowing, to suddenly remembering the single-most tragic event in my life... Or former life, that is.

"It wasn't your fault Rose." Ryan says walking towards me. No tears leave my eyes as he kneels beside me. His brow creases, as he reaches out tentatively, and strokes my cheek with a tenderness I recognize all to familiarly.

"Why are we happiness now?" I ask, taking his hand in mine. I examine his perfect nails, not a cuticle in sight. Threading our fingers together, I turn his palm over to look at the wedding band on his ring finger. I'm not sure how I'd missed it.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asks, as I look at my bare left hand. My left-finger has an imprint from a ring I, obviously, used to wear. Where it is, I am unsure.

"We arrive in the dimension, our age according to the moment in our life we are most happy..." I say, meeting his eyes sadly. I want to know. How could we still be so similar to the selves that lost our daughter, yet this is when we were both happy.


Ryan's eyes glaze over for a moment, as I see him flash back to that moment in time. It takes him a few moments as he runs his thumb over my hand, to look back up at me.

"It was almost two years since we were married," he began...

Nine months past spring, the season of love. I sat in a rocking chair in our front room, onlooking the picture perfect garden - Ryan swore was his mother's prized possession. My belly was so large I could barely move, but the rocking of the chair was comforting, and did help the aching back.

"Do you want anything to drink...?" Ryan asks. I look over at him. He stands beside the open doorway, a smile on his face showing pure contentment. I smile back, my heart filled with happiness, and love - both of which we will share with the child inside me.

"Water." I reply, smiling gently as he then nods, and heads to the kitchen. My gaze goes back out to the garden... Then it starts. The pain that shoots through me is so sharp, that I moan. Closing my eyes, my head tilts back as my hand presses to my abdomen.

"Ryan!" I call out. He rushes back in, the glass in his hand quickly set to the side, as he pulls out his mobile. Another flash of pain has me gripping the armrest on the chair. I watch in pain as my knuckles turn white.

"Breathe honey, they'll be here soon..." Ryan's holding my hand that grips the armrest. I do as he says taking in a deep breath before trying my best to slowly release it.

"That's it..." he says, as the sirens sound. My eyes fly back shut as I grip the chair tighter, my teeth latching onto my lower lip as I stifle another groan of pain...


Hours later at exactly 4:56am Delilah Pennelope North was born. Her cries filled the air, and my smile is unstoppable as I take her in my arms for the first time.

"Oh honey," I gush breathlessly, as she latches onto my finger. Ryan stands beside me, completely baffled. Sinking into the seat beside me, he leans closer in time for her to cry a little louder. I laugh, eyes filling with tears as I turn to look at him. He stares at her with a look of wonder I haven't seen in his eyes before... Something entirely new.

"She's perfect." I whisper, as his eyes lift to meet mine. They're filled with tears. The happiness that fills me is so profound, and complete I can barely find it in myself to fall asleep though I want to so badly. Tears slide down my face, as I look down at our baby. Our child. Delilah.


"She was perfect in every way, and the moment she entered our world we were the happiest we'd ever been." Ryan says gently, his eyes locked on our entwined hands. A tear slides down my cheek, and I choke back a sob as his eyes flit up to mine. They hold for a moment, his stare so intense I feel it again. For the first time since I'd been in the dimension... For the first time since I'd remembered only moments ago... I love him.

"I'm not the only one that lost her, Ryan," I tell him gently as I lift a hand to caress his cheek. The contact is so natural as my hand cups his jaw so perfectly. He closes his eyes, and I wait for a moment - before seeing a single tear slide down his cheek. Drawing him close I kiss the tear away before drawing him into my arms.

"We both lost her. But that's in the past now... I'm here for you now."

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