Closed Eyes

Rose remembers nothing of her past lives. It isn't usual for people of the Memoir tribe to come into being without a past life but Rose doesn't seem to have one... Or so she thinks...

In dimension 51 Somnium's inhabitants are beings made from the remains of the deceased from Earth. Each created to be the age they were when their former selves were their happiest the memories of their past selves remain in their beings from creation till death their personality, and such already manifested thanks to their past selves. Whilst memories and such are created in the duplicates of their past selves, their appearances are strikingly different. Longer limbs and sometimes dis-figuration is common in those not created in the planet's core facilities.

Rose was made from the planet's core facilities. Number 93 765 234th to be exact. But unlike the others she has no idea who she is... Who her past was... Why she is alive. By default she is a failure. But thanks to kindness is kept to find herself.

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4. Lies

Slumber... is like an impressionable heaviness on my soul willing me not to give into consciousness. I can feel the small hands clutching at my own with the softest... most gentle of touches. Or a hug so endearing I can feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. As the light shines through my lashes, as I give up fight I'm not surprise to find my vision is once more blurred with tears. I have been waking every morning like this.

 

Ryan waits outside my room as he does almost every morning now. I look at him blankly as he stands from his crouched position on the floor beside my door. He could come in, but he doesn't. We both know there are more reasons to that than the simple face I don't remember our past life. The wind carries the laughter of the two new children who arrived only a day earlier. A boy, and girl with shining blue eyes, and smiles that never cease. Twins. My gut clenches at the reminder of the fact whilst they are together, their parents haven't arrived in the dimension yet. Meaning only one thing... They passed too soon.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asks as we head to the mess hall. I can feel my tangled hair brush my bare arms as we walk, and my eyes slide shut for a moment as I contemplate my answer.

"Like I want to sleep forever." I reply somewhat steadily. I open my eyes to glance at him, his expression is one I haven't seen before but one that feels, once more, familiar. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his white coat, and turns his face back towards where we are headed. Once more trying to hide his feelings.

"How I know that, I don't know..." I wonder to myself, as I turn to face the hall before us also.

 

Walking into the building we smile, and nod at those who turn their attention to us. Though it isn't official most know the 'failure' is allowed to walk among the others now. Penny isn't thrilled, and no - I'm not a mind reader - her face tells me that from the way she stares at Ryan as we pass her to join the back of the queue to get our breakfast.

"She doesn't like you." I decide to point out over Ryan's shoulder. He glances back at me his brow furrowed as if confused.

"Why bring it up?" he asks. I feel my own brow furrow, before one raises in question.

"Why not?" I stare into his eyes willing myself not to break the contact before he does, turning back to the front.

"It doesn't matter." He says calmly. I ponder for a moment before decided to press on.

"Is that how you expect this conversation to end? I ask you a question, and you just avoid it?" I ask narrowing my eyes as I stare piercingly into the back of his head. I watch as he tenses before turning to face me again.

"This conversation started when you decided to point out the fact Penny doesn't like me." he replied looking at me with such an intensity I take a step back. For a moment I wonder if he hates me... But then I see the flicker of recognition in his eyes and the change of expression to one of self-hatred.

"Look..." he says. I reach out, and touch his arm.
"Don't worry..." I begin to say as my eyes widen and I feel myself slip back in time...

 

"Look why don't you just say it?" Ryan asks. I stare tiredly outside the window of our city view apartment. It's modern, classy... Cold, and seems to hold the most tension I've ever felt in my life.

"I don't know what to say, Ryan." I reply. The view... It's flawless. Beautiful. Filled with life, and and showing all the nature of the world. Why we'd decided to buy such an impersonal apartment with such a lovely view, I had no idea.

 

His hand touches my shoulder, and I turn around. Ryan's face is sad to the point I feel tears well up in my eyes. In his free hand he holds two rings in his palm. I instinctively bring my left hand up and reach for my ring finger, instead rubbing my fingers along the small indent it had left in my skin since I'd taken it off.

"You don't love me anymore, Rose." He says. I look into his eyes... They are filled with tears just as my own. I close my eyes and shake my head,

"How can you say that?" I ask, my voice hitching as I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck. Tears slide down my cheeks, burning my eyes as I kiss his cheek, and squeeze my eyes shut. His arms come around me in a hug so warm, and familiar I can't help but know how much he loves me... How much I love him.

"You don't have to be on your own anymore, Rose. I've been here, I will be here..." Ryan says as we part. My eyes are lowered staring at our feet. We are so close... Both physically, and within our hearts... But I can feel something tugging on my heart, and I close my eyes when I realize it's what he has feared it has been all along.

"What's wrong Rose?" he asks, his hand wiping the tears away from my cheeks. I shake my head.

"Ryan... I don't think I can do this anymore." I whisper looking back into his eyes. I see him watching me, and in the reflection of his eyes know he see's what I have become.

"Rose, please..." He begs gently. I break away from his arms, and walk to the door of our apartment before opening it up, and leaving the man I loved behind.

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