An Endless Light

Sent away to get her “head screwed on straight,” a broken and deteriorated Elizabeth Jacquez goes off on her own journeys and adventures. Well, not really her own and not really by her own choice.

And a careful Ann Casero trails behind, making sure Elizabeth doesn't fall. But, while looking after her own friend, Ann begins to fall herself.

But summer, of course, is meant for fun.

They meet two boys; One, has a life that moves too fast, even for him at times and is just about as screwed up as the girl he see's delivering mail everyday across the hall. He thinks he can see the sadness in her eyes, or does he see himself? The other boy, he's as perfect as perfect gets, but even perfection gets left behind. He swears he'll never love again.


4. Saviour



After watching Christian turn away one of the daisy duke wearing girls and watching him barely look at any other girls it hit me that the girl he was with before did break him. Shattered him. Tore him apart. Stomped on him. This new Christian was just as hard to be around as the one he was when he first realized he loved Jackie. I think I knew, and maybe so did everyone else, that the girl he gave himself to wasn't for him. But she made him happy, so we all let the feeling go.

By the time we decided to leave the boardwalk, the sun was beginning to set. I called the label and told them to lock up for me. When we got to the hotel we were staying at, Christian said he was going to walk around for a bit. I knew he didn't want company, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. He grinned and shook his head no, “Besides,” he said. “you've got company.” Christian nodded towards a crowd of girls gathered at the entrance. I smiled and he slipped out of the car. Girls screamed thinking he was me. They soon realized who it was, or who it wasn't. Some girls still screamed and even chased after him as he tried to get away.

I laughed to myself and asked the driver to pull up to the side of the building. Knowing paparazzi and fans, they'd be waiting in the front or back. I expected some to figure out there was a door for employees at the side, so I wasn't surprised when I found some dedicated fans sitting waiting around. Of course they would know about the door. I stepped out the SUV, the world stood still for them, I signaled for them to be quiet. Pictures were taken, things were signed, lips and cheeks were kissed before I could finally make it inside the hotel.

My room, well Christian's too, was at one of the top floors. When you first opened the door your eyes would land on the twenty-eight inch flat screen TV set in front of a long black leather couch with a wooden coffee table in front of it, there was a single but matching in color and leather arm chair that was diagonaled perfectly towards the flat screen, perfect as in no glare. When Christian and I first got here we made sure to angle it, and after much frustration and yelling we finally got it.

A little ways behind the long couch there was a small dining room table that matched the coffee one, and a modern chandelier hanging above it. If you sat at the end of table, which could fit four, you'd be able to see into the kitchen.

The marble counter separated the kitchen from the rest of the mini-apartment. The only thing in the fridge was two cartons of milk and a bottle of Jack Daniels. I took out the Jack, a fourth empty- mostly because of me. I gazed around the small kitchen area. Along the counter were two plug-ins and an oven, above cabinets that were empty. Across the counter there was an exact replica with more plug-ins and a sink. I'd like to say it was clean, if I was talking to my mom I'd tell her it was, and I wouldn't exactly be lying. There were no dirty dishes in the sink or rotting food, only bags and wrappers from McDonald’s.

I took a sip of the bottle in my hand and picked up a few of the paper bags. I took another with every piece of trash I picked up, which was a lot. When I was finished only puddles of soda and crumbs from breakfast were left, I decided I'd let house keeping get that.

I went back to living room and sprawled myself on the long couch. I thought of turning on the TV but couldn't find the remote and my brain was already beginning to spin. I looked off the side and found the door to my room. My buzzed mind had thought maybe it ran away, like everything else. Our bedrooms were in the short hallway; at one end you'd find a bathroom, with only a toilet and a mirror. I stood in front of the mirror for awhile and thought about punching the reflection I found staring back, the still sober part of me said no, because how would I explain that to Christian?

The bottle was now half empty, I held onto the wall for support as I passed the door to my room, still there, I thought. I passed the portrait of Hispanic-looking women picking flowers out of a colorful garden. I passed, almost fell through, Christian's door. All the way to the other end of the hallway, the shower half of the bathroom. They probably got separated, my drunk mind figured. The architects didn't know they were meant to be together. I stumbled inside.

A picture of Caitlin, at least I think it's her, is tapped onto the mirror. “There's something about the way you look tonight,” these lyrics, out of nowhere, come out of my wet lips. “it takes my breath away.” I trace her face and crawl into the shower.

Everything is fuzzing away. I think I accidentally spilled the bottle because suddenly the bottom of my jeans are getting wet. I know I didn't piss on myself because my shirt is also soaking.

Suddenly, I hear the faucet turn on, not by me. I look up and blurred figure looks down at me. It's a boy, I think. I can make out shaggy hair and red-rimmed eyes. Christian, maybe? Cold water begins to hit me like a rainfall. I think of the chick-flicks I've seen where it's raining harder than it ever could in the real world; the broken-heavyhearted character standing in the rain when there is a perfectly good shelter she could stand under and not get wet.

The boy would run to her out of nowhere, showing he didn't care if it was raining cats and dogs, he loved her and he was going to save her. I laid my head back against the tile wall and hoped that one day I would be the guy saving the girl instead of the one who left the girl needing to be saved.

I got up and finally managed to step out of the shower, my clothes clinging to my body. I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I walked to my room, where I had last left it, hoping it was still there. I passed Christian sitting on the couch watch highlights of a basketball game, a beer in hand, I thought about asking for one but I was still soaking wet.

My plan was to wash up, or at least change, then go have a beer with Christian. I decided to lay down for a little bit and sober up a bit more.

I laid on my stomach and thought I should turn to my side just in case I throw up. I could hear the sport anchor talking about what a monopolizing game was played. monopolizing, I thought, no one knows what that means.

I wondered what the definition was. I wondered why he used if he knew no one probably knew what it meant. I wondered if he maybe said it for his son who was a spelling bee champ. I wondered if he loved his wife. I wondered if he was cheating on her. I wondered if what Christian and his girl had was real. I wondered if my love for his sister is real. I wondered if the girl spinning early would rat out to magazines if I hooked up with her. I wondered if love was real. Then, I thought about my mom and was soon asleep.  

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