Inspiration& Imagination

Not all of the poems rhyme.


1. Fall Apart

I am Small.
I am Lonely.
I am Needy.
I am Desperate.
I am looking for your help.
I can not escape my thoughts.
I am a friend,
In need of friends.
I look in the mirror and see disappointment. 
A ghost of a girl I used to know. 
I have lost myself.
This life hurts.
Loving hurts.
Caring hurts.
Breathing, moving, waking up every morning hurts.
I need you to unfold me.
Be my friend.
I need you to wrap me up.
Hold me.
I need you to breathe me.
I am just another number.
I am beginning to erase.
Fading into a haze. 
I am a falling tower.
Sinking strong.
I am sad.
Caught in a grey net.
I can not untangle the ones who keep me bound. 
I am forcing myself to look the other way.
I am standing on the edge.
Return or run away.
Pieces are falling faster.
Piling up.
I don't want to lose you all. 
It burns for a moment but then it numbs you.
I am singing these lullabies but nothing is changing.
I can put on a pathetic show.
I still don't recognize the girl I face.
What happened to the girl who rejected the routine?
What happened to the girl who could take over the world?
I hate pretending this way.
I hate it.
I should live like the script was never created.
Scream every word like nothing is wrong.
Scream every word as if it were my last.
I can play a pretty girl.
When on the inside I'm terrified. 
We all put on a fake face.
When we never learned to drop the act.
We point our fingers because everybody is so scared. 
So scared to make a move when we all know what's going on.
We've hurt bad enough, right?
We've earned it.
We throw tantrums like parties.
That's just how we like it.
We're not happy until everyone knows we're sick.
All the rest of you so content.
Stay where you are .
But I'm living my life.
I'm burning the old me.
If you want more of her then follow the ashes. 
I know it was fun at first.
To test vitals.
But if this is a game then you lost me.
The more battle scars the more attention it gets you.
How many more time will- no MUST our stories be told?
All we have left is a jar of hearts.
Lost people.
Wondering people.
Looking for help.
Living just to feel emotion. 
I am getting out and getting a new start.
Just dry your eyes and we'll make it out alive.
Run, run as fast as you can.
I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
Some people are addicted to the feeling of breaking their bones just to feel them healing.
I want to be healthy.
But I sabotage what good is left in me.
I wanna recover but I don't want to learn.
I don't like tear but I'm starting to cry.
I don't like scars but I'm covered for life.
I don't like pain but I feel it inside.
If I want to wake up then why am I still singing lullabies?
I am going to stop pretending.
Pretending that if I can fool myself tonight than tomorrow won't hurt.
Pretending that my fake laughs and forced smiles are real.
I will scream these words until they come true.
Then the old  me will nothing but a fading memory.
It is tiring to try and unwind the mess I've made of my life and mind.
You can fight just like you've been taught but you have to pick up the pieces.
I am going to stop putting on a pretty face even though everyone buys it.
I was living a depressing chaos.
To everyone else it seemed to be a beautiful chaos.
Take these bones away and I won't fall apart.  

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