Breathing hard. Pain easy? (One Direction. 1D)

Hillary Malik.. Also known as Zayn Malik's cousin, is popular. Always been, but that.. That changes, after a car accident. She is still popular. Just in another school. In London, not Bradford. No one in her family could have both her and her brother, so Zayn took her in. She is about to stand before her greatest test. She hates herself. Its her fault the girl with the brownest eyes, and the most blonde hair ever. That is how she sees it.


4. What did I do? Just to deserve this!

I woke up, with the words in my head. Zayn said it to Jamil yesterday. He stormed out, and I tried to stop him, I had the biggest fight with Zayn after that. Jamil, was still not here. I knew because I heard Zayn talk loudly with Perrie. I grabbed some clothes and took it on. I combed my hair, and walked out. I sat in the kitchen ignoring Zayn, I decided to make some breakfast. Just some toast and nutella. I was mad, only at Zayn. I don't know why this happened, or what started it. But Jamil took of. He is 15, alone in London. I ate it, and walked out to take my jacket and shoes on. I was totally cold right now. "School" Zayn asked. I ignored him. "Are you going to school Hill?" Perrie asked, I nodded and left.

I walked to school, and saw Kesha right away.. With her tongue in my brothers throat. "JAMIL!" I screamed. He turned around smiling. I was angry.. Only because he stood there, with Kesha. "What the hell are you doing" I asked, while walking towards him. "Standing with my girlfriend. Kissing her!" he said. My mouth dropped. "WHAT!" I screamed. Kesha smiled evil. "Told you it wasn't the end!" she said. I was ready to punch her face into pieces. "You will and shall stay away from my brother!" I grinned. She just smiled. "No.. I like her! She likes me. So shut up and mind your own business." he said. I was in shock at that moment. "Fine.. Then you should stop talking to me.. Goodbye Jamil!" I said, and turned around. I was leaving school again.

"Hey Hillary!" Harold yelled. "No Harold!" he said. He grabbed my arm. "Hey, school is starting!" he said. "Do I look like I give a fuck!" I said. I pulled my arm to me, and walked away. I heard him following me, but I ignored it. "Now, you will be getting me into trouble!" he said. "Then turn around!" I said. "Nope!" he just answered. He just kept following me.


About 5 hours later, I was lost. So was Harold. "I have no idea where I am.." I said. We were standing in a park somewhere. "I don't know either." he said and scratched his hair. I sighed, and sat down on a bench. I was ready to cry. I had done nothing to deserve what Jamil did to me back there. I was always on his site. Whether he liked it or not. Now... not so much. "Why did you leave" I got ripped out of my thoughts. "He.. he betrayed me. Something is really wrong, after last night." I said. My mind started running of again, when my phone started buzzing. *Where the hell are you, you should be home by now! Your school called and you weren't there. Get home NOW. Zayn* I was getting really mad now. * I am lost, somewhere in London. Because I saw Jamil kissing with the girl that banged me into the wall yesterday. That is why I left. So.. I really cannot get home.* I answered back. Making him mad.

I stood up, and looked at Harold. "Why do you like me?" I asked. He looked like someone had hit him in the stomach.. "I.. I don't like you.. Or I do but.." he blushed. "No.. I didn't mean in that kind of way.. wait nooo.. You are not serious.." I said. He stood up, and kissed me. Out of no where. I felt torn. Really torn. I pulled away, and felt tears. I looked at him, and started running. "DO NOT FOLLOW!" I yelled. He stopped, and I ran. For an hour, then I saw our school and ran home. I ran inside, straight to my room. I slammed the door shut, and fell to the floor. My life is not fair. Its just not fair. "Was that Hillary? Why is it that Zayn leaves it to us.. dammit." Harry said. I just stopped crying. It should not be their problem. I stood up and wiped away my tears. I opened the door, and saw Liam, Louis and Harry standing in front of my door.

"Heeeeeeey love!" Louis said. I looked at them, they were feeling awkward. "I am fine.. don't worry!" I said. Harry took a deep breath and sighed. "Thank god!" he said and smiled. Louis hit him. "Don't be stupid Harry!" Liam said, and looked at me. "You have been crying.. I won't say that is feeling fine." Liam said, and looked concerned at me. "I am... fine.. Just confused. Okay?" I walked between them, and went to the kitchen. "Zayn is mad.. At you, but more at Jamil. He is still not home. You, are not in such trouble as he is." Louis said. I walked to the kitchen and made some tea. I need to clear my mind. "Niall... or Harold.." I whispered to myself. "Who?" Harry asked. I jumped and turned around. "Shit Harry I.. I didn't know you were here." I said. "Niall or Harold.. who is Harold!" he asked, a little annoyed. "No one, that you should care about. My concerns." I said, and poured some water into the cup. I put in the tea, and he looked mad at me. "Liam.. Louis, get in here!" Harry said. I looked at him, with a begging look. "Harry!" I whispered.

"Yeah Hazza." Louis said. "I know why she was crying!" he said. "HARRY" I said, with extra force on his name. "Well.. what was it!" Liam said, and ignored me. "She.. is in love, with two guys.. And she is probably breaking one of the boys heart in the end." he said, actually mad. "Why do you care?" Louis asked. "Probably because one of them is Niall!" he said. I felt my heart fall.. I could see the judging looks in their eyes. I felt like screaming. In stead I did what I was good at. Running. I put down my tea, and took my chance. But no. Liam got me. "You are not going any where." he said. "FOR FUCK SAKE, I SCREAMED AT HAROLD WHEN HE KISSED ME AND RAN! DO I STILL LOOK LIKE BREAKING HEARTS!" I screamed.. "You just did." Harry said. I was mad now. "Let me go! LET ME GO!" I screamed. I felt like I was back in the car, the metal that ripped my skin into pieces, the song that kept playing. But even worse. The seat belt holding me, stuck in that seat. "Liam.. I beg you to let go!" I whispered. I blacked out, and felt someone shaking me. "See what you did Harry!" Louis yelled.

I opened my eyes, and started crying. I could not hold it in anymore, I was alone, afraid. I needed my parents. My mom! "Moom!" that was the only word I could say, and now I was screaming for her. "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! I NEED YOU, I NEED YOUR HELP!" I kept screaming, while Liam tried to calm me down. It didn't help. I was alone, in my dark world. And nothing could ever get me back. After an hour like that, I became quiet. I was just starring at my hands, not else. I had scratched my hands so much that they were all red from the blood. I didn't care when Louis tangled some towels around them. I didn't care anymore. Then Zayn walked in, he was mad. He started yelling at me, but I didn't hear him.

"ZAYN THAT IS ENOUGH!" Liam yelled. I never in my life heard Liam yell. Not with that tone. He grabbed Zayns arm and pulled him to the kitchen. "she needs help. Not from you, us or someone she knows. A professional. She needs to go to a psychologist." Liam said. "What the hell are you talking about." Zayn said, with a scared voice. "She.. she has been screaming for her mom, for the last hour. She needs it Zayn. We cannot help her!" Liam said. I could hear I freaked them out. "Sorry" I whispered. No one could hear me. I was scared, really scared. "Sorry!" I said a little louder. Louis looked at me. "its not your fault. Its normal when you loses someone." he said, and put a hand on my arm to comfort me. I froze, when I heard the door open. Niall walked in, with Jamil right behind him. The towel felt of my hands, and I could feel the pain. I looked at my hands. They were still bleeding. I didn't care. Jamil walked to his room, and ignored me. So this is how we are now. Zayn heard them, and Niall pointed towards his room, I could feel him looking at me. "I don't need help!" I said.

Liam sat down beside me, he put a arm around me, I was feeling better. "You do... We can see that." he said and hugged me. I could feel Niall's eyes on me, and I was about to cry. "Wh.. what happened!" he said, with so much concern in his voice, that I nearly broke. "She ha.." Harry started to explain. "NO!" I said. My voice sounding all wrong. I heard the song again. "TURN IT OFF!" I screamed, they all jumped a bit, they were clueless. "Turn what of!" Louis said. My hands stings, but I still covered my ears. I stood up, running to my room. Sitting on my bed, hearing what Zayn was telling Jamil. I didn't even care. Niall was in the room, and closed the door. He came to me, trying to help me. He couldn't. I would be better of, dead! Everyone.. I am hurting them! Niall got me to lay down. He did the same, and was holding me. I felt like the world was going under right now.

"Leave me!" I said, he just hugged me tighter. He was not to leave me. If it had been him with Harold, he would have followed me. I don't need Harold! It.. its only Niall! Suddenly everything was gone, no music. I wasn't feeling alone. I was safe. Harold was not there for me, when I needed him. Niall was, and would always be there. Niall is the one I need. His grab loosened. He could feel that I was better. "I am okay again.. It.. It helped when you didn't leave me." I whispered. He pulled me closer, and I turned around. "Sorry Niall." I whispered. "Shh.. don't speak.." he said, and kissed my forehead. I just hid my face in his chest. "He didn't follow me.. He didn't so.. he is not the right one... I was never feeling anything for him.. He kissed me out of no where, and I freaked. It started when he kissed me." I said. Niall became ice. "I love you!" I whispered. He was.. he was all weird now. He looked at me, with tears in his eyes. "You are kidding me!" he said. "Never! I love you!" I said again. "I love you more!" he said. I kissed him this time, and it felt like everything was in the right places again.

"I need to rinse my scratches!" I said, and got up, walking to the bathroom. Right then Jamil stormed out and knocked me over, he continued. I looked after him in shock. "STOP HIM GUYS!" Zayn yelled, and knocked me over again. "FOR FUCK SAKE, I LIVE HERE TOO!" I screamed mad at them. I looked at my hands, when I got up, and continued to the bathroom. I turned on the water, and cleaned my hands. I think I have about five scratches on the left hand, and three on the right. I could hear Jamil scream. But I didn't care right now. I walked out, and looked at him. With the most disappointing look. He stopped, and I walked into my room. I could hear him cry, and I felt like an evil sister, but it was not my turn to say sorry. "I hate it here! I HATE IT!" he yelled. That broke my heart. I looked at Niall, and felt tears in my eyes. "Jamil.." I turned around. I walked out to the living room, seeing Zayn and Jamil, hugging. While Jamil was crying. He looked at me, with the most heartbreaking look. "Don't.. please don't look at me like that!" I said. He pulled away from Zayn, and walked over to me. "I wan't to go home!" he whispered. "We can't... This is our home!" I said, feeling tears running down my cheeks. "I want mom and dad!" he mumbled. "So do I!"


1 month later, and Jamil is back to normal. I do not care about anything anymore. I started talking to the brain lady. I hate it. "So, how are you today Hillary!" she asked. "I am.. fine, nothing changed!" I said. She just smiled a fake smile. "How is your boyfriend? Niall!" she said. "He is.. Okay.. He is great. Working on a new album, with the other boys. They are totally fine all of them, also Jamil. End." I said. "That's great. Have you guys told the others, that you are dating!" she asked. "Oh god.. we talked two days ago.. No we haven't" I said, annoyed. "Well.. okay, you should. There is no good in hiding it." she said. "I think we are done.. I need to get home now!" I said. I stood up, and walked out. "You have to stop with this Hillary, I am only trying to help you!" she yelled. "Goodbye Mrs. George!" I yelled. I walked down to the street and looked around. The rain was pouring and I started walking home. Not going to wait on the bus. After I walked for 20 minutes, I saw Niall. He was smiling like an idiot. I saw him in a jewelry store, with a girl. She kissed him.. only on the cheek.. but.. I.. He.. No!

I hurried home, and got inside, all wet and mad. How the hell could he do this to me, we are going to have our anniversary in three days. And then he is doing this to me! I am over it! I hung up my jacket, and took of my shoes. "How was it." Perrie asked. "Yeah.. Great, just perfect!" I said, I walked to my room, and I was ready to push Niall of a cliff.. Him with another girl! And... worst of it.. She is more beautiful than me, than I will ever be. I walked back out, to the kitchen and took some coffee. Perrie could see that something was annoying me. "What is wrong, sweetie?" she asked. "Nothing.. just Niall.. I guess." she nearly chocked on her tea. "Niall?" she asked confused. "Its not like you don't know it!" I said. "Don't know what!" she asked. Really they don't know it? "We have been... uhm dating.. for the past month.. And I just saw him getting kissed by another girl." I said. She had the wth look on her face. "I really didn't know you were dating.." she said. "Don't tell the others!" I said. she nodded "Your secret is safe with me!" she said and blinked. I smiled.

"Hey.. Home?" Zayn said. "Out here!" me and Perrie said. "Soooooo Hill... I heard something by a little birdie!" he said. "WHAT!" I said, panicking. "Uhm... You and Nialler, kissing in a tree!" he said. I froze. I looked at him. "So much for a secret between girls!" Perrie said. I looked at Zayn. "What do you know!" I said. "Niall.. Told me? And the boys.. An hour ago!" he said. "Oh so he did.. did he tell you about the girl that kissed him on the cheek in that store.." I said, really mad now. "Wut.. No you got it all wrong.. He asked his best friend Ally to help him with something." Zayn said. "God.. I hate my jealousy." I said. I grabbed an apple and took a bite. "Its my birthday in tree days.. Turning 18!" I said happily. Zayn laughed. "We can't throw a party.. We are going to Doncaster, for some interviews." Zayn said. I just smiled. "Its okay.." I said. Jamil walked in, and he looked like a drowned mouse. "Hey liiiiiilbroooooo!" I said, and hugged him. "Heeellooo!" he said, and hugged me. "Why are you so happy?" I asked. "IN LOOOVE!" Zayn said, teasing him. "That.. and you are the most popular girl, on the school. And I am the most popular boy! We rule the school!" he said. "Oh no..." I mumbled.

I don't need to be popular. I have all I want. "Niall is on his way over!" Zayn said. I just smiled. He came in right after, and I stood there, dancing like an idiot. "I am turning 18!" I said, and kept dancing around. Niall put on some music, and grabbed me bu the waist and my right hand. We were dancing around in the living room, Zayn and Perrie joined. Jamil just looked at us, like we were crazy. Then the doorbell rang, and he ran to the door. He opened and the Camille stood. He kissed her on the lips. I smiled big. "Camille!" I said, and ran to hug her. "Wait.. a minute?? You two!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" I screamed. I pulled her inside and smiled. "She is so better than Bitchy bitch!" I said, Camille just laughed. "And.. your age!" I said, and walked to the couch. I felt arms wrapping around me, and pulling me down. "So now its official for the friends!" I said and kissed Nialls cheek. He chuckled. "Wut.. what did I miss here?" Jamil said, with his arm around Camille. "Uhm.. not much.. I am just.. Better!" I said. "Not that dummy! You and Nialler?" he said. "Oh that.. Really you didn't know!" I said. Niall laughed and intertwined his fingers with mine. "I am also pregnant and going to have a baby next year in April" Jamils mouth dropped. "WHAT!" he screamed. "See.. the last thing was called a joke dear brother!" I said.

"Oh.. its on! I am going to get you!" he screamed. I tried to run, but Niall was holding me. "Hey I am your girlfriend you should be on my site" I whined. He laughed and stopped holding me. I ran for my life, and knocked over Zayn. "REVENGE" I screamed. He just laughed. Then someone grabbed me, and took me over his shoulder. "PUT ME DOWN JAMIL.. I WILL KILL YOU!" I screamed. "Oh.. you would huh.. Don't you worry, you can do it as much as you want when I get my revenge!" he said. What is he planning to do. He opened the door, and put me outside. He closed the door fast and locked it. "Come on not funny!" I said, and knocked on the door. I was standing there in the dark hall. I heard someone breath. "Let me in!" I said, a little scared. I kept knocking and then I felt a hand over my mouth. I got pulled in to the darkest corner in the hall. "So.. you really choose him, over me! I am better than him. I will always be better than him!" he said, and pulled out in my shirt. I was freaking out. I heard the door open, and Jamil calling. All I could do was whine, but he didn't hear me. "She is gone?" he said. "What!" Zayn said. "Shhh And I will not hurt you!" he said. He was grabbing my boob, hard and it hurt. I hated the feeling. "Hill?" Niall yelled. His hand went down my stomach, and made it way to my underwear. Now I was scared, I screamed so much I could. 

But it didn't help. They closed the door, I could hear it. I felt so afraid. His hand was down in my pants now. I've never felt so disgusted. It was so wrong. He was rubbing his hand up and down. Now I had enough. I started fighting, I hit his stomach and I got free, I tried running to the door, but he grabbed my leg. Scream.. do it! I took all the air I had, and screamed the most terrifying scream. He kicked me in the stomach and ran. I just lied on the floor, trying to catch my breath. He came back, and pulled me back to the corner. No one could hear me. The music was on again. He had some robe now. He tied my hands together and ripped my shirt over in the middle. I was so afraid that I couldn't say a word. Then I saw his eyes. Harold! No.. he is my best friend. He.. he wouldn't do that! I was so afraid when he pulled down my pants. But then he just ran away.. I looked after him, I lied there, crying and I couldn't say a word. I heard the door open. "I am going to look for her!" Camille said, she walked, this way. I closed my eyes and heard her gasp. She came to me, and untied the robe. "Who did this?" she asked. "I.. I don't know!" I mumbled. I took on my pants and stood up. She called Jamil. But I just wrapped the shirt so you couldn't see my bra. I couldn't stop crying. I was in shock. It was Harold I know! Those eyes.

I walked in, ignoring them, they didn't even notice. I was so much in shock, I just grabbed some clothes and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the water, I just took of my clothes really fast. I kept washing me, I felt so dirty. "HILL OPEN!" Perrie screamed. I ignored her, and kept scrubbing. I was so afraid of being dirty. The door opened. Perrie came in, she turned of the water without looking, and handed me a towel. "I need to be clean!" I said. She pulled me out, and wrapped the towel around me. "Did he do anything!" she asked. "Where did he touch you!" she said. "My breast.. And.. and.." I said. "He didn't get that far.." I finished. "It was far enough. Do you know who it was!" she asked. I shook my head. Even though I had a clue. She handed me the clothes, and pulled me to my room. "Get dressed, we are going to the police!" she said. "NO!" I said.

She looked evil at me. "YES! This is important. This is against the law!" she said, I shook my head. "No, I don't know who it was. I don't care! Stop it!" I said. I took on the clothes, I could hear Niall, yell crazy things. I looked at Perrie, who had tears in her eyes. I knew who it was, and I am going to take care of it myself. I walked out and saw Niall looking at me, he stormed over to me and hugged me tight. That got me to cry again.. I couldn't do this.. I can't hold it back.. Nialls grib got tighter. "Call the police!" Niall said. "No!!" I said. "I don't want to make a big fuzz!" I said. He stroked my cheek, and kissed my forehead. "Nothing about you is a big fuzz!" I said. I felt special when he said that. "I am okay!" I said. "I am.. Just tired now!" I said. He grabbed my hand, and followed me in to my room. "Lets just talk then!" he said. I still felt dirty. He pulled me to the bed and got me to lay down. I couldn't stop thinking about the eyes. I was not going to sleep tonight. Not at all. "Its Wednesday. And in three days, its my birthday and our 1 month anniversary.. And you guys will be in Doncaster after what Zayn said!" I frowned. He laughed. "You are cute when you frown. I am really sorry. We are holding our anniversary the day after!" he said, and smiled.

"Cutiepie!" I said and kissed his nose! He just laughed. I stood up, and walked to my computer. I went on twitter and saw that my followers had blown. *You are ugly.. The boys are better off without you.* I just laughed. #I don't care about hate. Thank you so much for all the hate tweets. Love all of you!# Niall laughed behind me. "Taking it in a nice way!" he said. "Just one question.. What did I do? Just to deserve this!" I asked.


Hey... I am really happy about all the comments. It gives me a smile to see those every time I check. I would love if, you could spread it a little:D So more people would read it. Thank you, and please comment of what I could do better!

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