For the love of my daughter {One Direction}

"I told you to stay out of my life Sam! You said you didn't want anything to do with her, so why do you suddenly care when she's happy!?"
"She's my daughter, I know what's best for her!"
"You know shit! You've never been here for her! You don't even know her! Just leave us alone!"
"I want her out of the media Alex!"
"She likes being with the boys!"
"I'm taking this to the police!"
"Yeah do that. I have the custody so you can do shit about it!"
I knew Sam had never liked One Direction, but taking them out of Caitlin's life now that she finally had them in real life wasn't fair, though I couldn't help but wonder if he was right. Was it really good for my daughter to be surrounded by the paparazzi whenever she was with one of the boys?
My name is Alexandria Griffin, but call me Alex, I'm an 18 year old model and mother for a 4 year old girl.


24. I love you Harry


I was standing out in the hall Friday night. I had just gotten home with Caitlin after visiting my mum and Nick for the first time in 6 weeks. Mum and I still didn’t get along properly, but I guess we would never get along the way she did with Nick.

“C’mon on sweetie, we need to get your jacket off.”

I sat Caitlin down on the floor, but she was already sleeping. Not that I could judge her. It had been a long day and it was 10.30 already, so of course she was tired. I bend down and helped her get her jacket off, before I lifted her up and made the way through the living room. Everyone greeted us when we walked through, but I wasn’t really in the mood for a cheery moment right now. I just really wanted to go to bed.

“Can you say goodnight to the boys Caitlin?”

She shook her head and covered her face even more in my chest. I couldn’t help but smile. She was such a mum’s girl as soon as she was tired. Neither of the others worked as soon as the sleepiness took over her body.

“She says goodnight.”

I smiled to them, and they all waved at her without really saying anything. Everyone just continued with whatever they were doing.

I went into our room and lay Caitlin down on the bed where I also undressed her and put her pyjamas on. Before she got to sleep I took her out to the bathroom where we brushed her teeth and she went to the toilet. As soon as she was done and already sleeping as she walked into the bed, I turned the lights off and snuggled her in the bed for a while, before I got up and went into the living room.

I sat down in the sofa next to Harry, who was deeply concentrating on a game of FIFA he was playing with Niall.

“How was it visiting your mum and Nick?”

I looked up from my phone to see Zayn sit in front of me.

“It was okay. Mum and I still don’t get along and I don’t think we ever will in the same way again.”

“It’s okay you know. You don’t always have to get along with your parents.”

“But this is different Zayn. It’s like she sees her daughter, but she hates her. It’s like she hates everything that I’ve turned into. She’s hated me ever since I did a naked photo shoot. It’s not like I’m turning into a porn model, but honestly that’s what she makes it sound like whenever we speak about my job. Now that I finally got into Dolce, she can’t even accept that. It’s like I’m putting myself out to the world as a whore as soon as I’m doing bathing suites modeling.”

“Hey calm down. We’re just talking about it.”

“You’re right I’m sorry.”

“You know? She’s going to be okay with it and learn how to live with it sooner or later.”

“Yeah, but I wish she could just live with it now instead of being so fucking mean.”

“I know.”

I close my eyes for a second and rested my head on my hand, but I was soon back to reality when Harry started screaming because he won the match.

“Harry… Caitlin is sleeping.”

“Oops. I’m sorry sweetheart.”

He messed my hair and then placed a kiss over my cheek before he returned to the screen. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes again and then get up from the sofa. I made my way out into the kitchen just to get a little time for myself. I needed to tell the boys about my new offer. It was gonna be hard moving out of this apartment, but the one I had been offered was almost just as big and it was closer to my work.

I filled the kettle with fresh water and waiting for it to boil. While I was waiting I sat down on the kitchen counter and looked out of the window. I had a dreamy expression written all over my face. I wonder just how much would change if I really did move out?

I didn’t hear the water when it started boiling. Neither did I hear it when it was done. I was in a whole other place right now. Just thinking about how my life would be if I moved out of this place, but on the other hand I had to. The boys would soon start traveling and I would have to be here alone without them, still taking care of my work, and when they would come back everything would have changed. Caitlin would be older, and she would be starting at a proper school. I would be a fulltime model, and I knew I couldn’t just take time off of that. Maybe Harry would have found someone else, and maybe I would have found something better as well. A model perhaps.

“Your water is finished.”

“Huh? Oh thanks Liam.”

“You okay?”

“Huh? Yeah I’m fine…”

“What’s bothering you?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Alex, you can tell me everything.”

“I know, but I can’t tell you this. Not yet at least.”

I jumped down from the counter and found a cup. I finished making my tea fast and then sat down by the table in the kitchen. I kept running my hand through my hair and just stare down at my tea for what felt like hours, but in reality only a few minutes passed by. Liam soon sat down in front of me, holding a lose grip on his cup, but still tight enough, so it would disappear.

“Tell me what’s going on?”

“Liam I can’t tell you. It’s more complicated than you think.”

“Is it your mother?”

“I wish it was that easy, but no it’s more than that.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“Leaving you guys ain’t bad? Taking my daughter away from her uncles isn’t bad? Moving out from my boyfriend isn’t bad? Pretending everything is okay; when in reality it’s all shit and I’m still a walking wreck isn’t bad?”

“Wait hold on. Leaving? You’re not going anywhere and that’s one thing I can make you sure of.”

“Liam my job-”

“No screw it. I don’t want you to move out.”

“Liam calm yourself.”

“No Alex you don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me?”

“Ever since you’ve moved in, and Danielle, Eleanor and Perrie’s been here even more everything’s been different, but it’s been good different. We’ve had everything pulled together. We haven’t been in big trouble, the rumours has been great.”

“But Liam, what about my job?”

“You can’t move out. Alex you’re like our lucky charm. We need you. Harry needs you.”

“I’m not gonna leave him like that, and I’ll still be here in London. Just further away.”

“How far?”

“Out in Harrow. It’s a 45 minutes’ drive from here.”

“No don’t do that.”

“But Liam…”

“Please Alex.”

“I already turned down the offer of moving to Paris. I don’t know if I can say no to this as well.”

I smiled at him and this is where the conversation ended. There was nothing more to talk about. I might have needed to do this, but I didn’t know yet.

I went out of the kitchen and out on the balcony where the cold November wind hit softly against my skin. I took out my phone and looked at the screen. I knew it was too late to call now, but I needed to make sure. I needed those studios to be moved to the ones in town. I needed to be closer to the boys even though I wasn’t going to stay with them forever.

I took a deep breath and let the cold air fill me for a couple of seconds before I exhaled and was shocked to feel a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s a beautiful view isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“How was visiting your mum?”

Harry spun me around so I was facing him instead of the beautiful view there was out over the city.

“Guess what? She still doesn’t like you.”

“I’m offended.”

“I know you are sweetheart.”

I pecked his lips for a second and smiled as our hands were soon placed in each other’s.

“What were you speaking with Liam about?”

“... A job offer.”

“Really? It sounded more serious than that.”

“That’s because it might be Harry…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I let the wind fill my lungs again before I started speaking. Harry had in the meantime let go of me and look at me with a scared questioning look.

“What’s that supposed to mean Alex?”

“I turned down an offer Harry. They wanted to move me to Paris, but I told them I couldn’t leave you.”

“But then what?”

“They want me moved to Harrow. It’s 45 minutes from here.”

“But what about us?”

“We’ll still be together, just not under the same roof.”


“Harry you don’t understand it I don’t have a choice. I can’t keep turning down the offers.”

“But you got into the studios here, in the city center.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Tell them to let you stay at these studios so you can stay with me and the boys. Not only for you, but for me, for us, for the boys, and for your daughter.”

“Don’t take Caitlin into this!”

“You said you wanted her to be happy.”

“I can’t raise her here Harry. Sam was right. Nick was right. I can’t raise her in the spotlight.”

“Oh so you think it’ll just magically disappear as soon as you’re out of the city center.”

“If I wasn’t seen with you all the time yes. I want her to be her own personality, not what the media is making her. I love you, you know I do, but this is about what’s best for my daughter.”

“No it’s about what’s best for you. You know Caitlin is happy here, and you know we won’t turn her into something ugly. You’re just scared that the media is gonna do that to you.”

“Harry please.”

I felt the tears in my eyes. This wasn’t how I wanted it to be.

“No listen to me Alex. What’s best for your daughter? Being happy or being taken away from her happiness?”

“I want her to be happy.”

“Then stay.”

He moved closer to me, placing both of his hands over my hips and his forehead leaning against mine.

“Stay with me princess. Please.”

The tears streamed down my face and I knew he was right. This wasn’t all about me; this was about Caitlin as well. She hadn’t really been a happy child until we moved in with the boys and she got time to play all the time. His thumbs were soon under my eyes wiping away the tears as my head was placed in his hands and he was staring directly into my eyes.


I was muttering into his skin.

“You’re staying?”

“Caitlin and I are staying.”

“For good?”

“Let’s just say that it’s for now, and we’ll see what the future brings.”

He hugged me close as if I had just saved his life. Close, tight, tighter, and then he let go, but not for long. He held his hands on each side of my head and supporter my neck as he placed both of his lips over mine. They moved in a magical wave, like fireworks were sparkling and getting loose from them, like electrical voltages were finally free and we could do this. We would see the world together, officially as a couple that lived together, and didn’t intend to move away from each other. Our lips disconnected for a second, and Harry looked straight at me, deeply into my eyes.

“I love you Alex.”

“I love you more Harry.”



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