But I'm in Love With You

If I could burn my memories, I would. If I could take a lighter to a series of photographs and words and music and everything I associate with him, I would. And if I could show you everything I’ve seen, you’d burn them too.


3. #3



The crowds convulsed and shifted like a heartbeat, girls clad in heels and shorts so far up the ass it was debateable to whether they were actually shorts; they clutched mug-shots of the boys, their eyes glistening with tears as they neared the front of the line – which is where I stood. I got the fun job.

Taking a tissue from a large box in my hands, I passed it to a redhead who looked like she might vomit. ‘Who are you here to see?’

There is a pause as she swallows hard, fixes her spaced eyes on mine. ‘Harry,’ she whispers, before adding: ‘and Liam – and maybe Niall too...’

‘Right.’ I force a smile – I was absolutely useless in these situations. Talkative was not a word that I oozed. Awkward, perhaps. I turn to the second girl after a sufficiently cringe-worthy moment passes. ‘And you?’

This one was ferocious and lacked the spaced look the previous girl had possessed. Her words were practically hissed. ‘Zayn.’

I do not say anything but force a nod before looking away as rapidly as possible. Zayn catches my eye and nods me over, and I am thankful to be released from the combo’s strange antics.

When I reach him, he pulls me down to his level and lean into my neck. ‘Can you stay here?’ he whispers.

‘Why?’ I murmur, a frown rippling across my forehead.

He widens his eyes and they flash to a twisted thong sitting on his lap; he gingerly brushes it away. ‘Maybe then you could refuse them.’

I cannot help the grin that forms on my mouth nor giggle that erupts from my lips then, and I stand straight with my mouth twisting into odd shapes as I attempt to conceal my laughter. Finally, I simply resort to hiding my mouth beneath my scarf. Both Redhead and Ferocious approach the table then – whilst redhead simply broke down in tears, made increasingly gushing when Harry leaned over the tabletop to give her a quick hug – Ferocious crouched before Zayn and, placing her chin in her hands, watched him with avid fascination as he scribbled his name on her poster and passed it on. He flinched a little at the sight of her so close, before recovering slickly with a sweet smile. ‘Hey there.’

‘Is she your girlfriend?’ she barks, before her mouth forms into a childlike smile and she flutters her eyelashes. Oh dear God – my thoughts. She doesn’t even look at me, but I know that she is a reference to me.

‘Well,’ he begins with an inside chuckle, ‘I’m not entirely sure –’ But before he can continue she has shoved herself to her feet in a fluster, snatched her poster from Niall without even receiving a signature from Harry and run off with heat in her cheeks and tears in her eyes.

‘What have you done?’ I say after a long silence has passed; a fixed smile lingers on my mouth as another girl approaches the desk. His mouth mirrors my own.

‘I don’t know,’ he mutters beneath his breath, ‘but we’re in deep.’

‘Congratulations,’ I say sarkily. The girl has moved on now and he looks up at me, eyes wide.

‘What are we going to do?’ he says on an exhale of breath.

‘Deny, deny, deny?’ I say, my voice edging on shrill. ‘What else are we supposed to do?’

‘Calm down,’ he says, chewing on his bottom lip. ‘She might not even sell it!’ he says hopefully.

‘Bullshit!’ I hiss. ‘Of course she’ll sell it!’

‘Oh shit,’ he moans. ‘Shit.’

Why did you say you didn’t know?’ I ask incredulously, but we are forced to stop our heated conversing for a moment as more girls approach the desk. When they have moved further down the table he turns to me once more, pulls me once more down to his level. My knees pop as I crouch.

‘I don’t know,’ he says worriedly, ‘me and the guys are always joking around about that kind of thing. What with stories in the press and all...’

‘Dear God,’ I mutter, rolling my eyes. ‘It’ll be all over the papers tomorrow.’

After another period of chewing hard on his bottom lip, he waves his hand abruptly with a forced laugh. ‘We’ll sort it.’

‘Jesus, I’ll be pregnant next,’ I say sarcastically.

'You're pregnant?!' Harry yells down the table, his mouth a perfected 'O'.


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