Dream on


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14. Downhill part 2

I was thinking about what Danielle said and now I didn’t know what to do. On one side, we were fine and happy. On the other side though we never got to see each other and that's unhealthy. I looked through the pictures Harry and I took with my phone and I couldn’t believe we were together at all. I looked at our smiling faces, our goofy faces, and even some kissing photos. I zoomed in on a really good one of him and just looked at it while I saw there alone on the bed in my hotel room. I started to tear up when someone knocked on the door. I jumped at the sound and quickly exited from the picture.
"Come in!" I shouted. Ryan came through the door and my eyes went wide.
"RYAN!" I haven’t seen him since I left for America. I jumped into his arms hugging him tightly.
"Why are you here?!" I said pulling away.
"Simon sent me over because he thought you needed a good vocal couch, and a friend." He said shyly.
"A friend?" He pulled me over to the bed and we both sat on the edge.
"The past few interviews you've had weren’t pleasant to hear when they brought up you-know-who's name." He said looking at the floor.
"Harry." I said flatly.
"He knows how close you and I have gotten and figured I was the only one who could cheer you up."
"I'm glad you're here!" I smiled.
"I know I am too." He said.
"But what's going on with Harry?" He asked. I told him my dilemma with the whole "long distance relationship" thing and he seemed to understand.
"It's hard alright. You might need a break." He shrugged.
"But I still love him."
"Then tell him that. Just say you need a break and you want things to cool down a little. You don't want to be tied up and when you guys get back to England or wherever you can fix it." I thought about what he said and agreed to it; even if it seemed stupid.
"When can I do it though? I don't want to be rude and do it over the phone?" I said.
"Where are they now?" He asked. I shrugged.
"Beats me." He pulled out his phone and opened up an app; I looked over his shoulder and gave him a look.
"Really? You have a 1D app?" He gave me a smirk.
"Yup. Never know when you're gonna need one of these." He scrolled through their dates and stopped at one.
"They'll be in California tonight." He said.
"We're in Virginia though." I stated.
"You're Victoria Casey! When has traveling ever been a problem for you?"
"True." He got us airline tickets and just as we were about to leave I stopped in the middle of the room.
"What's the matter?" Ryan said stopping at the door.
"This doesn’t feel right." I said.
"It's not permanent." He said. I moved along and we landed in Cali. not even 2 hours later. Since we were only staying for the concert we didn’t need anything but our phones and wallets. I sent a text to Kathy and she said it was okay. We made it to the Staples stadium (where they were performing) just as they were letting everybody in. No one knew we were there and I kept it that way. We managed to get VIP tickets for the front row through Simon and we went to our seats. The lights were about to dim when a fan turned to me.
"Oh my god! You're Victoria Casey!" She shrieked. I gave a weak smile and she asked if I could sign her shirt. I signed it and she started to talk to me until the lights dimmed, then she started to scream bloody murder. A video of the guys started to play on a jumbo screen and the fans went mad. 5 silhouettes came on to the stage and a song started to play. The lights shined on the band and I saw Harry amongst all of them. I felt sick to my stomach watching him sing and have a great time up there. I felt like a horrible person but it seemed like there was no other choice. After about 2 hours of hearing screaming fans and watching the band perform, Ryan and I snuck backstage.
"Whoa there little miss where do you think you're going?" A security guard asked. He was a really tall and big guy so I literally looked up to him.
"To see One Direction." I said.
"Wait, aren’t you Victoria Casey?"
"Yes I am." I said standing tall.
"Go right in." He said letting me through.
'Thank you." I said to him and continued on my way. I stopped at a dressing room with their name on it; it was obviously just stickered on. I knocked twice and put sunglasses and a hat on to keep myself hidden.
"May I help you?" Liam said opening the door. I felt a lump in my throat and looked to Ryan who was at the other end of the hall. I felt like an idiot in my disguise.
"I'm looking for Harry Styles." I said in a really high pitched tone. He looked back and called Harry's name. He then turned and left and Harry replaced his spot.
"May I help you?" He asked. I was trying so hard not to breakdown right then and there. I quickly gathered myself together and spoke up.
"Can you step outside for a minute?" I said in the same tone. He closed the door behind him so that it was just the 2 of us. I removed my shades and my hat and his smile grew so big, he enveloped me in a hug that was well overdue.
"I can't believe you're here!" He said. I pulled away from him.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Harry I have to tell you something." I started off saying.
"Don't tell me you cheated." He said.
"No!" I protested.
"Then what?" I let out a huge sigh and kicked the ground before telling him.
"I think we need a break." His face grew expressionless and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking right now, even though I had a feeling I already knew.
"Why?" He asked.
"It's becoming too much. We have our tours and I don’t know when I'll be back in England and--- I just can't handle a relationship right now." I said. He looked down and I could see a tear.
"What happened? What went wrong? We can't help it." He said.
"We've been apart for so long. We barely text or call like we said we would and I just need a break." He bit his lip and wiped his eye.
"It's not permanent." I added. He looked up and his face turned a little angry.
"Permanent? Are you serious?" I kept silent.
"Victoria, I love you more than anything. I'd give you my life if need be. You come all the way from the other side of the country to tell me this?! I thought you were better than that." He was angry and upset now.
"Harry, think of it this way. It’s a breather for the both of us. Nothing was happening anyway. For the past 3 months we've been apart barely talking. We only mentioned each other through interviews. You call that a relationship?!" Now I was annoyed. He held both of my hands in his.
"I need you in my life. I need to know you still love me and that we're not over."
"I do still love you. I always will. I just need some time." I let go of his hands and walked back to Ryan at the other end of the hall. I didn’t even look back but I could tell Harry was watching me as I left. I could hear him kick something but had no clue what it was. I boarded the private jet we took to get here and was quiet the entire way back. My tears were soaking the collar of my shirt from crying and I silently went to my hotel room and hid under the covers cried myself to sleep. Why did this have to be so hard?

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