World So Cold

Love is never simple. Love is never easy. There is more grey than there is black and white. Zayn Malik Fan Fiction


5. lips of an angel


Paco looks over his shoulder at me, then turns back around. The bonfire hasn’t stopped, but some people are staring. Siobhan looks at me with speculative eyes. She has every right to question me, so does Olive, so does Paco and anyone else who knows the story. “Can we talk?” I ask again, and my hands are in my pockets and I am humbled by her silence and hesitation. Even in this moment, she shines bright like a diamond, like every single star in this sky. “Please”

Siobhan stands and dusts the sand from her bottom. “Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it now” the fire gives her face a glow, and for a moment it looks as if there is a halo around her loose ponytail.

“In private?” I ask but she shoots me down quickly with the shake of her head. How do I tell her in front of Paco, and all his buddies, that nothing distracts me from her. Or how do I explain that my feelings for Brooke could never compare to the electricity I feel for her.

I have turned into one of those pitiful guys from the movies, love drunk, and hopeless. I am the guy that will be shot down time and time again, only I deserve to be shot down. “I leave tomorrow morning, and I just had to tell you before I left…I want to be where you are” her eyebrows shoot up, almost as if she is shocked by my nerve. Not going to lie, part of me is shocked at myself. Paco and his guys could easily drag me out of here, yet I stand tall. My voice is confident, and it is enough to make her listen. Siobhan folds her arms across her chest. “What I have with Brooke Taylor….it doesn’t compare. Nobody compares”

Paco stands and shakes his head. “Basta ya homie…enough’s enough”, he looks at Siobhan, but her eyes are still on me. I don’t know if it is jealousy, rage, anxiety or angst; but something makes Paco stand and leave. He walks away, leaving us two and he goes to the Limbo line and starts talking to Giancarlo Santacruz. When I look back at Siobhan, there is fear written allover her face. Maybe, just maybe I stand a chance.

“Zayn, what are you really trying to say?” her voice is edgy, and serrated.

I look at my shoes, unsure if this admission will leave me in one piece. “I’m the guy for you, I don’t know how else to say it, but I’m the guy for you Siobhan Kline Grey.”

Her eyes glass, and I see it in the glare of the flames. My words had bought her to tears.

“Too bad we don’t have popcorn eh” Giancarlo tells his friends and gestures at Siobhan and I with a nod of his head. “Paco, looks like esa gringa ya olvido. She forgot you” Giancarlo’s look goes from playful to pissed, and he steps forth. Things go hauntingly silent, the music from the boom box seizes and everyone is quiet. He walks to me with a swag in his step and stands between Siobhan and I. I look at Siobhan, then at Paco and his friends, only there is no Paco. I really hope he wasn’t planning some surprise attack on me. “You aint welcome here homie” Giancarlo hisses at me. “You’ve done enough damage, don’t you see her” he tosses his head back some. Siobhan is backing away a bit, she isn’t coming to my defense. She is like a scared rabbit, looking for her hole to disappear into. I look at Giancarlo. “So what’s it gonna be pretty boy, you staying or leaving?”

I don’t usually put myself in positions like this. “I’m not leaving until Siobhan talks to me”

There are some laughs, and Giancarlo looks at Siobhan again. “He wants to talk to you gringa. Talk, so we can all have fun again.” and she steps forth. We walk in silence to the parking lot, Paco’s motorbike is gone. She sits on the hood of her car and looks at me with disbelief. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” her eyebrows pull together.

“No” I approach her with caution. “Not in the least, but I needed to talk to you before I left”

“Talk” she is bold and fearless now. “Because im sure what you’re going to say is nothing I haven’t heard before”

“Siobhan I love you” the words come flying out of my mouth like a cannonball before I can stop them. She brings her knees to her chest. “I know you may not believe me but there has to be a reason why every time I see you, feelings come back. Feelings I cant explain away, things I cant justify”

“You don’t know what love is” she tells me calmly. “And I refuse to be part of your discovery experiment.” she pauses for a moment. “How dare you bring Brooke Taylor to the funeral then have the nerve to tell me you love me here” there is a look in her eyes I had never seen before.

“Brooke means nothing to me, Siobhan I need you to trust that. I care about you, seeing you and being around you…”

“Time to be honest Zayn” she stands now, and we are face to face.

“I made a mistake Siobhan, you have to take me back, you have to understand” I am pleading now. I don’t plead. Cant she see I am being truthful, honest, and sincere?

“I don’t have to do anything” she retorts with a roll of her eyes.

“Every time I see you, or hear you…I never want to say goodbye”, I take one step forward, she is inches from me but she doesn’t back down. “Every time I am with Brooke, I wish it was you”

“But it isn’t” her eyes are lowered. “And it wont be”

“I never really moved on” I stroke her smooth face. “I cant”

“You can, we cant do this” her voice is shaky, and it is filled with concern. “Let go of me”

“I cant” and I lean forward, softly and with caution, press my lips to hers. This girl has the lips of an angel.

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