World So Cold

Love is never simple. Love is never easy. There is more grey than there is black and white. Zayn Malik Fan Fiction

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1. Pop! Pop! Pop!

Paco

Pop! Pop! POP!

The sounds of gunfire pull me from my slumber, it is loud and makes my ears ring, but when I blink open my eyes, I notice the sounds are in my head. My body feels heavier than usual, and all of my muscles feel weak under my skin. My limbs are sore, and my left arm in tight to my torso in a sling. All around me, there are monitors and there are wires attached to more wires in knots and hooks. I notice one monitor, it is for my heart, and the only other thing I am familiar with is the IV hooked into my right arm. For the first time, in what seems like a long time, I feel drained…flimsy almost. Actually, tell you the truth, I feel like shit.

My name is Paco Fuentes, and as I come to, little memories come over me also. I am remembering little things about myself, and about the night. My name is Paco Fuentes, I am eighteen, I am a senior at Howell Memorial, and I took two bullets for Damien Sewell. Damien Sewell. I hope he made it out okay, I hope he got up and ran off. Anywhere, all I know is he better had run. Him, Vita and Siobhan better had run to get help.

Even if it means Honcho is locked up. A guy like Hector “Honcho” Marquez has eyes and ears everywhere, he surely had someone following Damien’s every move. How else would he know where Damien would be. And if Honcho is in jail, and the police are cleaning the Latino Blood members off the streets, does that mean I am safe? Fuck, I retaliated against Honcho, I stood up to him for Damien, and I have no doubt that he is putting a bounty on my head.

 

The door opens and Siobhan walks in, she holds a box the shape of a house and behind her is Olive.

Olive holds two balloons and flowers. They smile at me as I shift and prop myself up slowly. “You’re awake” Olive chimes setting down the flowers and balloon.

“Awake but I feel like shit” I tell her as she opens the curtains on the window. Sunlight comes blaring in. “Damn its bright out”

“it’s a beautiful day for November” Olive replies. “I’m going to tell your mom your ok” and she walks out. Mi mama….she must be livid with me. I promised her that I’d stay out of trouble, some promise huh. Siobhan sits on the side of the bed, facing me and she hands me the box, but she says nothing. Its obvious something is wrong. Very wrong. “Siobhan what’s wrong?” I never thought these would be my first words to her.

I took those bullets, and I prayed so very hard that I’d make it…because I want us to have moments. Moments to live for, and moments to die for. She touches my arm, feeling the surface of a scrape cut from when I hit the pavement. “Damien died this morning”

Dios mio! Damien Sewell, dead? The concept was too irrational, too unreal. But she is on the brink of tears, and it is real. Very real. Too real. I don’t know what to say, what can one say? Something close to guilt takes over, but it is quickly overshadowed by a need, a need for revenge. “Honcho was arrested, and some of his guys were arrested also. Vita called the cops” she wipes the corners of her chocolate brown eyes.

“How long have I been here?” I ask, resentment is strong in my tone, and it is one of those things I couldn’t control. There is something in my throat, its building and it feels like a baseball. With my good hand, I wipe away the tears quickly.

“Three days” she responds and clears her throat. “Olive is trying to be strong, so is Vita, so am I…but it is hard. I didn’t think he’d die.”

I am afraid to ask, but I have to. “He was hit” and she nods. “Where?”

“His back” she sighs as if she is forcing herself to come to terms with something. I had been hit in the shoulder, and under my chest. How was it, that he died and I was still here. This is the guilt.

It is easy for someone to look at me, and belittle me or shoo me away as scum. I haven’t always been one of the good guys, and I have seen my fair share of bloodshed. But for me to survive, and Damien die, I feel guilty. Damien Sewell had more to live for, he came from two parents who can afford to send him to a college and he had the ability to be somebody. All the while, I come from the hood. Its just me, mi mama, my brother Carlos and my sister Josephine. I am an ex gang member, and I used to collect drug money for Honcho. I have spent the last year trying to reform, and im back in the hospital. My ties to Honcho and his men are potentially connecting and I feel helpless. Do I fight, or do I allow them to do as they please.

I fight, and not just for me, but for Damien.

“Open your gift” Siobhan tells me changing the subject and trying to pull me from my thoughts. I unhinge the corners of the cardboard box and take out a stuffed teddy bear. It is black, with marble brown eyes. On its head is a red cap (backwards) and around its neck is a red cape with a yellow “P” on the back. “it’s a superhero teddy bear from Build- A- Bear”

I cannot help the smirk creeping onto my lips now. It is a sad smile though, because no matter how heroic she may see my actions, what use were they if Damien didn’t make it? I want to cry, I want to yell, I want to unhook myself from all these machines and go find Honcho. I want to put him six feet under where he belongs. “Paco, do you like it? Is it too cheesy?” her eyebrows pull together. “It was Olive’s idea”

I put the bear back in the box, and set it aside. “What good was it huh?”

Siobhan’s eyes go round, and her bottom lip drops some. “Paco…”

“I’m not a hero”

“You took two bullets for him”

“He died anyway” I retort and look at door. Beside it are windows that show me the hallway. I see mi mama talking to Siobhan’s mother. And I see Olive, she is talking to Zayn Malik. Zayn Malik….he’s back…. “Don’t keep your boyfriend waiting ” I look at her now, and she looks like she’s going to burst into tears at any moment. Of course he’s back, he always comes back, and he always knows exactly what to say to make Siobhan go crawling back to him. And as it would happen, she would go to him, and forget all about me. She’d forget the time we almost kissed the first week of senior year, or the time we were playing in the pool and our lips were so close our noses were touching. She’d forget those moments for him because he is Zayn Malik. He may very well own her heart, and im the fool trying to rent it.

“That’s not fair” her bottom lip is trembling, and she stands. She’s right, it isn’t fair in the least. But I wont let myself believe there could be something between us. Zayn Malik reminds me that what I have with Siobhan is not black and white and most likely never will be. “Paco Olive called him, not me”, she stands and wipes her eyes. “I just lost one of my best friends, I don’t need you throwing Zayn in my face” she is crying now. Siobhan is an emotional wreck, and as much as I want to tell her that I am sorry, I don’t. I stay quiet because it dawns on me that maybe, just maybe, its better off this way. So I tell her something that makes her look at me with disbelief. “Siobhan, you love that cabron Face it, no matter what he does to you, or how bad he hurts you, you will forever take him back”

She leans forward some, and her hands are at her sides. “You don’t know me”, and she says this with unease and tension.

“I know enough gringa”, my eyes meet hers again. “Please you think I’m stupid? Everyone knows it, he comes back and you go back to him, when you gonna realize you deserve better than that?”

She takes a deep breath. “I am not having this conversation”, she looks at the boxed bear, to the two floating balloons and then the flowers. “I’ll be outside”, and she heads for the door.

A few minutes later, I see a police officer talking to mi mama and Siobhan’s parents. Mi mama has her arms folded across her chest, and it is obvious she is stressed. Whatever the police are saying, she is agreeing to, and Siobhan’s parents are agreeing also. Whatever this is, I know it wont be good.

Ay Dios Mio!

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So, hello readers. This is just the beginning lol so bear with me!!and comment, please please please xoxoxo

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