3. Kiss


The sound of that van starting up was closely comparable to (if not louder than) a rocket taking off from Cape Canaveral. In any event, it certainly took longer than a rocket launch; it took multiple cranks and pedal-pumps before the engine would finally even pretend to keep firing, and then you had to keep your foot on the gas for a good two or three minutes before you could switch it to reverse without fear of it shutting right back off.

Andrew strolled lazily up to the passenger window, not suspecting a thing.

“Hey,” he asked casually, “where are you guys going?”

“Ummmm!” Tonya yelled conspicuously. “We’re just…going…for a ride!”

“Oh, my god,” he replied as thinly-veiled reality smacked him in the face.

He turned around and headed back into the house as I put the beast into reverse and began to pull out.

“Wait!” Tonya yelled at me. “He’s mad at me! I have to go talk to him!”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yeah… Just let the van warm up and I’ll be right back.”

I grunted loudly as she opened the door and climbed out.

I waited and waited. I cursed myself being desperate enough for sex that I was actually waiting in the first place, and I cursed the general absurdity of the situation.

Five or ten minutes later I was just cutting off the engine as she opened the door and jumped in.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “Let’s go!”

“Are you sure?” I asked.


I cranked the engine back on and stomped on the gas before she had a change of heart, or a chance for rationality (or sobriety) to slip in.
We pulled into an empty lot a few blocks away and climbed into the back.

“So…” I tried unsuccessfully to break the tension. “Uh…”

“Right…” she replied, seeming to feel equally awkward. “So, how’s it going?”

I laughed and then, not sure of what else to do, I went in for a kiss.

“Woah!” she stopped me with her hands on my chest. “Hold on just a second. I think maybe we should go over some ground rules or something.”

I laughed until I noticed the serious expression on her face.

“Really?” I asked.


I rubbed my scalp.

“Alright, lady. What are the ground rules?”

“Okay… Umm… First of all, I don’t think that kissing is really, like, necessary. At least, not on the mouth. It’s a little too…like, intimate. You know what I mean?”

I immediately got half hard at the thought.

“Sure,” I said. “That’s fine with me. What else?”

“Well, I mean, like, you can kiss me on the neck or whatever. That’s cool.”


“But, um…my shirt needs to stay on. I’m not real…comfortable with that,” she laughed nervously.

“Okay. Is there anything else I need to know?” I looked around the van and noted the low ceiling. “I guess we don’t have a lot of options for positions, so that’s not an issue, I don’t think.”

“Right,” she laughed. “Um… No. I think that’s about it.”

“Mmhmm,” I answered. “I suppose you can go ahead and lay down now if you want. Might make things easier.”

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