Back For You

They say friendship lasts forever. Louis Tomlinson and Lillian Brie thought that this statement was completely true. But when one "yes" from Simon Cowell changes their fate together they need to find their way back together. After years of solitude, Louis comes back to Doncaster for a visit. Just as he promised. Because when two people are meant to be, they will always find their way back.


20. Day 19 - The Last Day

A/N: So this is the final chapter guys. The end of a great movella, guys please tell me in the comments below your favourite bit of the story. Thankyou, it will make my heart sing. xox


I woke up at the crack of dawn, I peered through the small opening of my curtain to find that it was still dark outside. I turned around to find Lou sleeping with his arms wrapped securely around me. I wriggled out of them earning a moan from him. Usually this would make me smile, maybe even giggle. But on this particular morning I had a solemn look on my face. I didn't want to lave it this way, but I had to or I would never leave. I tiptoed over to my cupboard and slowly opened it being careful to not make a sound. I took out a peach turtleneck, a cream trench coat and black denim jeans. I slipped them on carefully making the least amount of noise I could before running over to the door and easing it open. I whipped my head around to take one final look at Louis William Tomlinson, the boy who had completely stolen my heart. 

Inner turmoil rose inside of me as my head and my heart battled. If my life was currently a movie this would be the part where the girl couldn't decide between her career and her heart. A part of me wanted to crawl back into bed with him, to lay kisses on his face and to stay in my sanctuary, my safe place. My grip around the door handle was like iron as thoughts continued to run through my mind. He wouldn't talk to me after this, he wouldn't be here in three years. He would hate me for this, he would loathe me for this. A single tear drop rolled down my cheek splashing onto the floor. I shut the door a little too quickly as more tears threatened to spill. I convinced myself that he would find something else, someone better than me. Someone more worthy. Someone like Eleanor or Nina Dobrev. I leaned my back against the shut door and clamped my eyes shut. 

"Walk away," I whispered under my breath, "Walk away."

And I did so, I walked away quite unsure of what I was doing. I heard stirring in the other rooms before I quickly ran down the stairs to the kitchen. The wooden table sat there all by its lonesome, the chairs were spread out into various corners of the room from the night before. I tried smiling at the memory but all it brought was tears in my eyes, none of the boys or girls would want to speak to me after this. But this is what I wanted, to be a journalist, to further my career. It was what I wanted… right? I walked swiftly into my mother study where I found pens and pieces of paper sprawled across the table. I picked up some and began to write my final goodbye. 


After an hour or so I finished my note. I grasped it in my hand firmly as I leaned against the table reading it over. I wiped the tears away from my eyes, why was I crying? Its not like someone was dying. Just my conscience. I folded it in half before walking to the kitchen and pinning it onto the fridge knowing thats where the boys would head first. 

I rushed over to the door tripping a little on the way there. I sat down on the floor slipping on the only pair of shoes that were there, my brown boots. I stood up and 'borrowed' Cherie's cream beanie. I slipped it on my head before grabbing my phone, wallet and heading outside. The cool air hit me like a brick. I wrapped one arm around myself as I called a taxi. As I heard the dial tone I looked around the street, houses were alive with music and drunk teenagers ran down the streets throwing glitter everywhere. A choked piece of laughter emerged from my mouth as the taxi company picked up. I told them Lou's address before beginning my walk down to his house. The walk was slow, painful and menacing. I began to ignore the screaming teenagers around me, they only brought back memories that would stop me from… wait. What was I doing? I pushed the question out of my head as I reached the front door to his house. However, the question played at my mind, what was I doing? I picked up the key from under the doormat, fumbling around with it in my hands as it was cold from being in contact with the pavement for so long. I slipped it into the keyhole and turned it, entering the house. The house was dark, almost ominous. I could practically hear the faint echo of previous memories that the house and I had shared. Every corner, every piece of furniture, it contained some piece of memory that made me want to stay here. I placed my hand against the timber frame of the living room and felt almost as if I was watching a scene on the television.

"Oh my god Lou!" 15-year-old Lily chuckled flopping down on the couch, "You've got to be kidding me," 

"No, I really got the main part in Grease," 16-year-old Louis responded leaning against the back of the couch, "Why is that so hard for you to believe?" 

"It's just so great!" she chuckled throwing her arms around him effectively bringing them both down to the floor. She landed on top of him just as his back hit the ground. They both lay there, just for a moment. With her hand resting on his abs and his on her waist. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring at each other with large grins on their faces. He flicked a piece of hair out of her face before she rolled off of him onto the space of floor next to him breaking out into laughter.

"Hey! Why are you laughing? That hurt!"

"Don't be such a pussy mate," she chuckled, "Didn't you hear? The prince is always supposed to catch his princess!"

"So you're saying I'm a prince?" he asked raising an eyebrow,

"Nup! Just saying I'm a princess," she retorted putting extra emphasis on the "I'm". 

"What type of princess always gets food all over her face when she eats?" he chuckled,

"A damn good one," she responded rolling over so that she was on her stomach, he continued to lay there on his back, unable to move. "Oh come on, I'm not that heavy."

"Ughh, help me up." he groaned, she rolled her eyes before standing up and offering him her hand and yanking him up. As soon as he was up he started heading towards the door, the giant smile on her face disappeared as the sparkle in her eye began to fade. 

"Where are you going?" she asked as he took his coat off of the coat rack,

"I'm picking up Hannah, it's her birthday today." he said sitting on the floor and putting on his shoes,

"Thats so great..." she mumbled trying her best to sound excited, truth be told she didn't like Hannah at all. But Louis seemed so happy with her, almost happier than when he was with her. "What are you guys doing?" 

"Well..." he mumbled back a blush rising on his cheeks, "She's turning 17 and all and well... uh. Like... I just. I was sort of hoping that we could... well. Like, uh." 

"Ew, ew, ew!" she screamed waving her hands in the air wildly signalling him to stop, "I get it! I get what you're doing. Just... go." 

"Thanks for helping me avoid that awkward situation..." he responded the end of his sentence trailing off. "When I get back can you please be like gone."

"Consider it done," she said faking a smile as he left slamming the door shut. She brushed a piece of hair out of her face as she jumped onto the couch burying her face in her hands. Why was she so sad? She pushed back tears that so desperately wanted to fall from her eyes. "Stop it Lily. Stop it. He's not worth it." 

But she had to face the facts. He was.

I placed my hand on the timber frame staring at the room with the utmost longing as the image started to become distorted and distant. I left the room in the state that I entered it in, completely untouched and empty. I slowly made my way up the stairs looking at the photos that framed the wall. Most of them were of  Lou and I, in the park, the ice skating rink, his 10th birthday party. All of these pictures were just another reason to turn back around. My breath hitched as I reached the top of the stairs and was faced with his bedroom.  I remembered every kiss, every touch, every word spoken. My fists clenched together as I continued into the bedroom. Silent tears continued to fall down my face splashing the ground. I covered my eyes trying to block out the memories that slowly pulled me back to him, pulled me back to my home. Instead my hand clenched around a soft fabric. I pulled it out and saw one of my bras. I chuckled, I really did leave my bras all over the floor, he was right. I shook the memory away and reached for my suitcase pulling it out and stuffing the bra in before running out of the room. I ran out of the house ignoring the desperate calls of the memories that wrapped their fingers around me slowly pulling me back in. 

I burst through the front door, quickly locking it up before sitting on the front porch. I placed my face in my hands, what was I doing? I was running away, with only a note left behind. I felt sick. Almost as if I was betraying the only one who truly loved me. I found myself asking the same question over and over again; what was I doing? It was the question that repeated itself over and over again in my head, what was I doing? 

I looked down to the road to the darkened windows of my house. I blinked a couple times rubbing the tears out of my eyes. 

"I can't do this," I said shaking my head about, "I can't do this..."

"C'mon Lily Bud! You can do it!" a child-like voice echoed throughout the air, I heard a young girls laughter ring through the air,

"Boo! I can't! I'm scared!"

"Just jump!" the boys voice struck a  chord in me making me grab my chest and hyperventilate, "I believe in you!" 

I knew who was speaking. I closed my eyes letting the memory run free. As tears streamed down my face I figured, no point stopping it now.

"But its so far down!" the 8-year-old girl cried as she desperately clung to a tree, 

"Just get down! Your mum will kill me if she finds out that I let you climb a tree. And she'll kill you too!"

"Uhh..." she said cautiously, "Louis..."

"It's fine!" he called from the ground outstretching his arms, "Look! I'll catch you!"

"You promise?" she responded her grip starting to loosen on the tree,

"I promise," 

"Fine." she said straightening herself out so that she was in a position to jump, "Because I swear to god if you- AHHHH!"

The thin tree branch snapped underneath her and she was falling, quickly. In a panic the boy ran out underneath her as she landed on top of him with a thud.

"Ughh.. Lily Bud you're heavy..." he moaned,

"My hero!" she squealed wrapping her arms around his neck, "You saved me Lou!"

A blush rose on the boys cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her as well, she held onto him tightly before releasing him from her grasp and sitting up.

"Well isn't the prince always supposed to save the princess?" the boy chuckled, the girl started twirling around in her pretty dress which was left clean, whereas the boys clothes were stained with mud from the fall. She giggled at the sight of him as she touched his shoulder, 

"Tag you're it!"

I watched the children play tag together, but they eventually started to flicker as I pushed the memory away. But as I sat there on the cold curb listening to the pumping music and drunks screams I realised but I was doing, I was moving on. I was going to New York, I was starting all over again. I took one final look at the bedroom window to my house, but something was different this time. The light was on. 



I woke up and Lily was gone. I ran around the house frantically looking for her, where was she? Did they take her? The thought was unbearable. But possible. I ran down the stairs not even bothering to get changed. I ran out of the house shirtless and in my boxers looking around for her. 

"Lily!" I shouted, "LILY!"

I couldn't bear it, did I lose her? Did I say something? Did she run away? I looked around with worry tracing my face, my lips pressed together in a hard line. Thats when I locked eyes with her, she sat on a suitcase with her hands over her mouth. She seemed to be shaking her head at me. Even from here I could see the sadness in her eyes. Thats when everything started moving in slow motion. A yellow taxi whizzed past me creating enough air for my hair to fly up off my face. I watched Lily quickly stand up, flipping herself around so that she could easily pick up her suitcase. I then realized what was happening, she was leaving. What else could I do, but run. I sprinted towards her screaming her name wildly, 

"Lily! Lily!" 

The taxi came to a stop as she dashed inside, I quickened my pace reaching the taxi just before it drove off. I banged on the windows furiously. 

"Lily!" I shouted, "Lily!"

"Lou.." she whimpered placing her hand against the glass separating us, "Lou..."

"What are you doing?" I shouted continuing to bang on the window,

"I have to go," she choked out tears streaming down her face, "I'm so sorry."

"Please just wind the window down," I shouted, she shook her head. I heard the taxi driver continuously ask her where she wanted to go. She looked at him and then back to me. I shook my head violently and she looked down to the ground continuing to cry. "Just one final goodbye."

The window slowly made its way down revealing her face, tear stained, red and puffy. It was at this point when I realized how much I loved her. Even though she was completely messed up and sad I still thought that she was a vision of perfect. 

"Lily, I'm going to be honest with you. I forgot." I began, "I forgot what it felt like to care for someone so deeply. I've just been so busy getting my life together and accomplishing my goals and even though I was with Eleanor I never really had enough time to be with anyone. I was pretty carefree and happy with whatever I did. I made me happy. But then you came back into my life and reminded me of what happiness and love is. Now I just can't go a day without thinking about you because you mean so much to me. And I'm just so scared that you're not going to be coming back to me."

Then there was silence. She stared me straight in the eyes sniffling and hyperventilating like crazy. 

"Please don't leave me..." I whimpered. She reached her hand out of the taxi and placed it on my cheek,

"H-how is it that even th-th-though I'm quite liter-ter-terally dying you can still make me smile? W-what type of guy chases after a girl just in his boxers?" she sniffled stroking her thumb against my stubble, a result of me not shaving for days. 

"Please... don't go." I repeated, 

Her hand retracted into the car as she continued to cry. Her gaze turned to the ground.

"I'll see you in three years Lou..." she whispered 

"No..." I began as the taxi drove off, "No. No! Stop!"

I watched it leave, I watched it turn the corner before I ran to my car and everything started moving quickly again. It was in that moment that I realised that I wasn't wearing any pants. I banged my head on the steering wheel realising that I missed my chance. 

"Idiot," I breathed, "Idiot."

I had just let my one and only get away and I could do nothing about it. She was gone. And so was I. I stayed like that, with my head against the steering wheel. It then started to rain. I listened to the rain pouring down the window, for every one that I counted I listed something that I would miss about Lily. Her hair. Her laugh. Her body. Her eyes. Her sassiness. Her kindness. Her lips, oh her lips. A single tear slowly, slowly fell down my face splashing down onto the steering wheel. Within the second of this happening the car door burst open. 


I turned my head to find Haley screaming at me drenched with rain. I looked around her, Zayn, Lilac, Liam and Haley all stood there shivering. 

"Leave me alone," I whispered, "She's gone."

"I know what happened but I want to know what the hell you are doing moping around on the steering wheel!" Haley screamed pushing my head off of the steering wheel and grasping my face in her hands forcing me to look at her. I watched her speak but all I heard was empty noise, all that I could think about was that she was gone. Out of my life. 

"You don't understand. She was my everything. I loved everything about her. And I'm going to love ever here, there isn't anything else after her. Just her..." my voice trailed off as I bashed my head against the steering wheel causing the car to come alive with sound.

"Lou, I get all of that you only fall in love crap-" Zayn began before I cut him off, 

"No. You don't get it. People think you can only fall in love once but I didn't. Everytime I see her I fall in love again and again and again because she carries this light, this light that makes me that much better and I thought that we were forever, that we were end game."

"Man, relationships don't last long because they are destined to or because they are end game. They last when both people fight for it because they both love each other so much that they want it," Liam said bending down so that he was right next to my face. I turned around so that I was facing him,

"So what?" I whispered unable to raise my voice above that,

"So put on some clothes. And fight." 


"I don't understand why," I squeaked out, my voice was muffled by Cherie's hair as I buried my face further into her neck. "I just don't understand why RiRi. What did I do?"

"You did nothing," she cooed, "It's not your fault." 

"It wasn't even Taylor Swift or someone fancy it was a prostitute. She was paid! He paid her RiRi! He paid her..." I cried, "And I feel like such an idiot, I trusted him so much and I loved him so much and I don't know what I did wrong! Please tell me what I did wrong cause I don't know, I don't know, at all! I was used, I was used RiRi! He's just such a tool. And he's trying to apologise to me! But I'm probably just another notch on his frickin belt of girls. I'm just another pretty face that he needs to waste time,"

"No you're not," I heard a deep voice echo throughout the small room, "You're much more than that."

I didn't even dare look at his face, I knew that the sad look on his face would be enough convincing to make me forgive him for cheating on me and I didn't want to do that, I wanted to be mad at him. But everyone knew, he knew and even I knew that I wasn't that strong. 

"Get the fuck away Curly." Cherie spat, I mentally thanked god for her being there. 

"I want to talk to her," he said, Cherie's grip around me disappeared, I desperately grabbed for her hands and in doing so I locked eyes with Harry who was looking directly at me, my hands retracted to my chest and my eyes to the floor, 

"Well she doesn't want to talk to you," Cherie jibed back,

"She can talk for herself,"

"But not to you," 

"Maybe she wants to talk to me!"

"She doesn't." 

"How would you know?"

"How would you?" 

"Stop it!" I shouted raising my hands in the air and whipping my head up in frustration, "Both of you get out!"

"Marley please listen to me," Harry begged pushing past Cherie, I turned around so that I wasn't facing him, I couldn't bear looking at him knowing full well that if I did I wouldn't be able to look away. "Please, can we talk."

"I really need you to go away," I choked out, "Please can you get out?" 

"See Curly, she doesn't want you here," Cherie spat,

"Actually RiRi," I began, "I was talking to you"

"You're kidding me right? You're actually kidding me?" she shouted, "I'm not leaving you alone in here with this player,"

"Please," I managed to get out through the tears that started flowing so freely down my face,

I heard her scoff before the door slammed shut. The room was now silent, the only sounds filling the air was the sound of the rain pitter pattering down the window and my heavy and unsteady breathing. 

"Where did the others go?" I whispered, 

"They went to the airport."

"The airport?" I muttered trying to get ahold of myself, "She didn't did she."

"She did." 

"Did she say goodbye to anybody?" 


Silence took over once more, I had nothing to say to him. But he was so close to me, I could feel his hot breath against the back of my neck causing me to flush. He took one hand and brushed my hair away from my neck exposing my flesh from behind me. I closed my eyes ignoring the quickening of my heartbeat and the thoughts that were rushing to my mind. He hurt me. He tore me apart but for some strange reason I still, wanted him. 

"Harry, don't." 

"Just tell me when to stop," 

Thats when I felt his lips against my neck, slowly kissing a spot that made me fall back into his arms where he was more than ready to catch me. I closed my eyes shut trying to ignore him, trying to push him out. I told myself to tell him to stop but I couldn't. 

"I love you so much," he huskily breathed before returning to kissing my neck, "And you have to know that I will never do anything to hurt you again."

"Harry..." I began but he cut me off by playfully biting my neck making me inhale quickly,

"Just tell me when to stop," he said, "Please forgive me, please say you love me back." 

I felt myself melt into his arms which were wrapped firmly around my waist. My mouth slightly opened as I began to talk, 


he stopped kissing me and froze. Resting his chin against my shoulder taking deep, deep breaths. 

"I can't do this..." I muttered and ran out of the room slamming the door. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be mad at him because the sad truth was that I do. I do. I love him.


I madly drove down the road heading towards the airport. Liam, Lilac and Zayn decided that they wanted to come with me and were in the back seat talking amongst themselves. I, on the other hand had my eyes plastered on the road. 

"We're almost there," I said through gritted teeth, I heard murmurs of recognition as I continued to drive, drive back to her. 

I came to a sudden halt, the tires screeching across the road as I parked the car. We were here. I called out her name desperately 

"LILY!" I shouted, "LILY! LILY!" 

No response. I ran into the airport earning screams from random girls. 

"Oh my god it's Louis Tomlinson! Damn his ass is fine! I want him so bad! Get in my pants! Where's Lily? Isn't he always with Lily? Why does he look so sad? Dat ass! What happened? Where's Lily?" all random shouts that I heard coming from all around me, I would usually ignore them, continue on with my life. But whenever I heard her name I stopped and looked for where it came from. 

"Lily!" I continued to shout, Liam joining in. "LILY! LILLIAN BRIE!" 

"Is he looking for her? Did she run away? Oh my god its like I'm inside a fanfic. We have to help him. Where is she? We need to find her! We need to help him!" All at once the airport burst to life her name being called over and over again, not just by me but by a bunch of randoms. A part of me knew that I wasn't going to find her here but I had to hope, I had to pray that my love would come back to me.


"Well this is uncomfortable." Liam, being the responsible matchmaker that he is, left Bradford and me in the backseat together. He claimed that he was getting us to look after the car but honestly I didn't know who would want to steal this car. 

"Or romantic." Zayn chuckled a smirk lining his lips, "Not everything has to be so bad you know."

"Yeah, I'm going to stick with uncomfortable." I spat wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to keep warm, what type of idiot wears shorts and a tank top in Doncaster?

"You cold?" Bradford asked gesturing towards me, I rolled my eyes before replying,

"No shit sherlock."

"Here," he said opening up his arms and legs, "Let me keep you warm."

I scrunched up my face in disgust, what type of weirdo asks to cuddle with a girl he met a couple days ago? 

"Isn't there a jacket or something in this car?" I breathily said blowing onto my hands in yet another try to keep myself warm,

"Nope!" he said popping the 'p' with a devlish smile on his face, he knew that I had no other choice. Either freeze to death or give him a cuddle. 

I rolled my eyes, "Ugh fine." I said, "But no funny business or I will taser the shit out of you, got it Bradford?"

"I got it," he chuckled, I rolled my eyes again crawling from my side of the car over to his. I sat in his lap curling up into a little ball and resting my head on his chest. I felt his arms snake around me pulling me closer to him. "See, it's nice isn't it?"

"Mmmm..." I said starting to feel drowsy as I inhaled his cologne filling my nose, "Just shut up you." 

"I meant what I said earlier y'know?" he began,

"You're really going to ruin this moment by talking?" I moaned looking up at him, he nodded before continuing.

"I really do see more, I don't think you are this mean. I think you're better than that. I think your mean is just a way of warding people off."

"Yeah," I began very uncomfortable with this situation, he had been the first to see this part of me and I thought that I was doing so well at covering it up. It bugged me knowing that he saw through me, especially when I didn't want anyone too. "So what?"

"So I'm left wondering what built this wall," he whispered into my ear, "Bad ex-boyfriend? Bad ex-boyfriends? Bullying at school? Loss of a family member? Abusive parents? Neglective parents?"

"Poor parents," I breathed out, this was the first time I told anyone this, I hadn't even told Lily. "Very, very poor parents. Like impoverished."

There was silence in the car, but it was no longer uncomfortable. It was comforting. He was giving me my time, giving me my time to speak, to make sense of the situation in my head.

"I-I'm the oldest and we all know what that means. You have to look after everyone else when your parents can't. That was my life. But I couldn't do anything at the time, I was so young. But there was something I was good at. Making clothes, making it seem as if we weren't poor, as if we were rich. All because of our appearance..."

Anger stirred up inside of me. Appearance.It seemed as if it was the only thing that mattered in this world, people judged you by how you looked. Obese People are gross. Skinny people are anorexic. Asian People, instant geniuses. Blondes, instant idiots. You have cuts on your wrists? Attention seeker. People in this world stereotypicalise. They judge people. I wanted to fly under the radar, not attract much attention. By doing so I made myself average. Much less than what I actually was. But all of that frustration built up inside of me and made me what I am today. A bitch. It seemed to get people off my back, kept me under the radar. So I stayed like that. The only other person to see past this wall, this shield of mine was Lily. She didn't quite understand it but she was understanding enough to not judge, to not question. But with Zayn, I felt as if I could tell him things, as if me was coming back.

"I'm sorry for unloading that crap on you, you don't need to be dragged into all of this." 

"But what if I want to be dragged into all of this?" he whispered, I looked up at him. He stared directly in my eyes piercing my soul. I couldn't help but smile at him as I continued to stare into his brown eyes. I watched him slowly lean down and didn't push or pull away when his soft lips met mine. 


"Did you find her yet?" I yelled through the phone at Liam, I heard Lily's name being called out multiple times in the background

"No luck yet babe," he puffed out, I could tell that he was running and getting tired, "I think I'm going to let Louis look. Don't tell anyone this but I don't think we're going to find her." 

"Don't say that." I breathed through the phone gripping it tightly, "You find her ok? You bring her back to us."

"I promise love," he responded, the puffing started to slow down. He didn't have to tell me that he was giving up, I heard the sadness and disappointment in his voice, "One moment."

I heard him call Lou's name multiple times before I finally heard Lou's name on the other end of the phone.

"C'mon! We're almost there!" I heard him say, desperation in his voice, "She's got to be here somewhere!"

"Lou, just stop."

"Liam, please. Please let me find her. Please help me."

"Lou, stop it. She's not here."

"You don't understand!" he was angry now, desperation and longing influencing him, "I need her! For as long as I can remember she's been part of my life and I let her go. I'm not letting her go now. Not ever. You fuckin got that? You can leave. But I'm not- Oh my god. Oh my god Liam! I see her! Lily! LILY!"  

I heard Lou hang up as Liam mumbled something into the phone before I heard the ever so familiar beeping tone signifying that he hung up. They found her. 


I sat squashed in a corner with my sunglasses on trying to block out all of the crazy girls screaming my name. But all of a sudden one particular voice stood out and he was coming closer. Louis. No. Nonononono.

"Nononononono," I stuttered out gathering my bags quickly and starting to run away, "I can't, I can't I can't." 

Tears started to wildly run down my face as someone grabbed me by the shoulder spinning me round and crashing their lips down onto mine. He grabbed hold of my hips and lifted me off the ground causing me to drop my luggage getting completely caught up in the kiss. He started to spin me round causing more tears to fall down my face, I would miss this. He lowered me down onto his body and I wrapped my legs round his waist. I heard choruses of "Awws" fill the airport as I placed my hands on his face and he set me down.

"Why would you do that?" I whispered against his lips as my feet slowly met the ground,

"Promise to me that you won't leave," 

"I can't Lou," I cried, "I really want to but I can't," 

"You don't understand," he said gripping onto my face forcing me to look directly in his eyes, "Everybody tells me that love hurts but I know its not true. This hurts. Losing someone you love hurts. Sometimes love gets thrown into this and gets confused with this but honestly, your love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes me feel wonderful again."

I remained silent letting the tears fall down my face as I watched him desperately try to convince me, I felt so empty. So numb. The question came back to me, what was I doing?

"Because you know what? There is a space in my heart that I know only you can fill. Because I loved you then, I love you now and I always will." he shouted his voice trailing off at the ends, "And I know that you need to go and I'm trying to be happy for you but I can't. Because the saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries to not be sad. That's me right now. Because I love you, I love you so much. You're the girl I want to see smile every day, you're the girl I tell everything to, the girl I'm fucking frightened to lose, the girl who is always on my mind. I love you more than I have ever loved or will love and if you really must leave please just tell me you love me, one last time." 

Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes slowly falling down his tan skin, I placed one of my hand in his and the other on his face wiping away the single tear on his face,

"Lou," I began my voice breaking, "Do you remember that day in class, when we were six? We hadn't properly met but I remember this so distinctly. The teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, do you remember what I said?" 

He nodded his head vigorously unable to talk as tears streamed freely down his face,

"I said that I wanted to be in love," I said as I started to take my hand away from his face, but he quickly moved his hand so that it was on top of mine, keeping my cold hand on his warm skin, caressing his cheek, "But sometimes there are things that we don't want to happen but we have to accept, things we don't want to know b-b-but but have to learn. And sometimes there are people we don't think we can live without but w-w-we-we-we can and we have to let go. P-pl-ple-please don't make this hard on me and let go." 


I held her hand tightly to my face, worried that if I let go she would never come back to me. I was physically shaking now, unable to calm myself. The overwhelming amount of emotions built up inside of me causing me to whimper,

"Just tell me you love me," I breathed, "Please. One last time, if I am to lose you forever I want to hear it one last time,"

"But it's not forever," she cooed, "Just for now. Because I-I will always come back, always come back to you."

And with that she was gone. Her hand slipped out of mine as she picked up her luggage and walked away. My hand remained outstretched as she walked away from me, gone. It was as if all the life was drained out of me, all of the happiness and light slowly seeping out of my fingers. She was gone. 


I sat at the top of the stairs watching Haley who was silently sobbing at the bottom. 

"Stop watching me you creep," Haley sobbed from the bottom of the stairs, I looked around, was she talking to me? "Niall I know you're there." 

"How did you-?" I asked slowly making my way down the stairs so that I was sitting next to her, I sat next to her bringing a whole new round of wails, she laid her head in my lap and silently sobbed, "Don't cry, its a waste of your time." 

"I have nothing better to contribute to the world, I'm just so screwed up..."

"No-no-no," I said bringing her face up so that she was looking at me, "You're anything but screwed up, I think you're quite fit if I do say so myself,"

"You've known me for two days,"

"But I still know that a pretty, kind and funny girl like you shouldn't be crying over something as silly as a friend leaving, a friend who will come back. You should be doing something better," 

"Like what?" she spat out her voice nasally and full of sadness, "I can't help anybody, all I've ever done is cause trouble. I can't help anybody. I'm not famous, I'm not good. I'm not anything but funny!"

"Well I know you're much more than that," I wiped away one of her tears with my sleeve, "And I think I'm falling for you,"

"You're what?" she breathed her green eyes completely capturing me,

"I'm falling for you." 


I sat at the kitchen table with my face in my hands, I screwed everything up. That I was sure of. This was the first girl that made me feel something. The first girl that made me feel as if I could show the world that I'm a better man. That I'm a better person because thats what she made me feel like. She made me feel like more. Cherie and Marley burst into the kitchen, 

"She's gone." Cherie simply stated joining me at the kitchen table, "Ran away, on the plane to New York."

I paid no attention to Cherie's rants and instead stared straight at Marley whose hands were in her hair. She was hyperventilating with tears streaming down her face. How badly I wanted to hold her, tell her that everything was going to be alright. But I couldn't. Niall and Haley were the next into the kitchen, their arms wrapped firmly round each other. With a bright smile on his face Niall kissed Haley on the head as they headed towards the fridge. I continued staring at Marley, admiring her simple beauty, even in this crying state she looked so beautiful, so pure. Everything I wanted to be. 

"Marley I-" 

but I was cut off by Niall screaming, "She left us a note,"

With perfect timing Lou, Liam, Lilac and Zayn entered through the door. Cherie ran to Liam wrapping her arms around his waist and nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped themselves around her torso holding her close. 

"I miss her already," she whimpered, "I miss her already."

"Lou, I think you should read this," Niall whispered taking the note off of the fridge and handing it to Lou who acknowledged him with a bow of the head. He then began reading out loud.


"To the ones I love," it read

"I'm sorry for leaving it this way, I can not explain my regret and my sadness right now. I'm not sure when you'll read this note but chances are that I'm already on my way to New York and I'm probably missing you guys already, I'm probably crying, I'm probably wallowing in my own misery at the moment but the thing is, I'm fine with it. I truly am. Because I know that the world can do alot of things to rip and tear you to shreds and I've got so much crazy going on in my life that I'm not even going to try to explain that. But all of you have somewhat grown on me and I thought that I would address you all individually in my letter. It's only fair right?"

I looked around, everyone stared at me with wide eyes prompting me to continue, I took a big gulp as tears continued to pour down my face. Was this what she was leaving me to remind me of her? A piece of paper? A note? I couldn't take it anymore and threw it over to Zayn who caught it and began reading

"Zayn Malik." he began "I see the way that you look at Lilac and its different from how every other boy looks at her. Other boys look at her like she's a piece of meat, like she's something that they can just play with and then chuck out. They look at her like she's some sort of option, but she's not just some sort of option. She's one of my best friends and I love her very much and I can tell that you do to. Now not everyone can see through this but I can, I can see through her wall and I really think you can to. She blocks people out and for some reason I think you can break through those walls and I really want you to. Please take her on tour with you, Louis told me that your stylist needed an apprentice. Lil might have no training but you can damn well be sure that she's the best you're ever going to get. So please love her, cherish her and don't treat her like an option. Because she doesn't have time to be treated like an option, especially by you. Because I swear if you ever disregard her I will find you Malik and I will get you.

He handed the note to Lilac who took it from him, taking a few deep breaths and fanning herself before continuing.

"Lilac." she whimpered her bottom lip quivering, "Please trust him, I can't promise you that you will never get hurt, because in every relationship there are bumps and scratches. Please start acting like who you are, because you are one of the greatest people I know. You have so much heart and I'm still having trouble with understanding why you cover that person up. But I think you use it as a shield, but I promise you as long as you have good people and the ones you love around you you will be fine and won't need that sheild, because you are safe here. Your friends and family are your shield, are your wall and you don't need any other shit. And if it all goes to hell with Zayn just remember that I love you and will always treat you like a sister."

She burst out into tears and was soon greeted by Zayn who wrapped his arms around her leading her out of the room making calming and soothing noises in an attempt to calm her down. Before leaving she handed the note to Liam who released Cherie with one arm allowing her to read the note with him.

"Liam Payne." he said "All I can say to you is please treat Cherie right because I know that you will. I feel as if you will fight, fight for her. Because you will, she has this protective wall to stop her from getting hurt and you will have to fight your way through that. You have to look pass the crazy, look pass the grumpy. And I think that you do. You see more than a pretty girl, you see Cherie and thats what I think is so great. You see her, you see more than just her funny."

He handed the note to Cherie who stuttered out everything that she said, falling over words as she attempted to keep her tears in check.

"Ch-Ch-Cherie." she stuttered "I love you so much and I know he does too. You've always been so strong, so strong for everyone. And I'm going to tell you that you don't need to be strong, not for me, not for anybody. I know you've always had to be there for Marley, you've even had to be there for me. You've been the mum that I never had, the mum that I always wanted. Whenever things went to shit you were there to hold me and to tell me that it was alright and I love you for that. But Liam will be strong for you, Liam will stay there for you. You don't need to be strong for him. I know it. "

Cherie dropped the note on the floor and ran out of the room crying. Screaming that she needed tissues, Liam, being the gentleman that he is, followed her out quietly shutting the door behind him handing the note to Harry.

"Harry Styles." he said "You're a right bastard for cheating on Marley and really, I want to strangle you with a pitch fork. But I think you're better than that. I think there's more to you than what the tabloids say. I think that you're not a player. I don't think that you're that much of a man whore. But Marley sees the best in people, she sees the best in you. She sees all the good in you, not the dark and I don't want you taking advantage in that. You need to make a promise to her that you will always be faithful, always be truthful and always be hers. I know for you it might seem stupid, might seem irrelevant but she needs that reassurance. But I can promise you this, she will forever be there for you. Always, no matter what shit or fucked up event you go through. But I expect you to reciprocate these actions. Be there. Always."

With a shaky hand he handed the note to Marley who refused to look at him snatching it up in her hands

"Marley." she said her voice shaking along with her hands, "Don't hide who you are, own it. Don't dye your hair ok? Don't make the ends pink. Let it stay brown. You told me that you dyed it pink because you thought the brighter color would give you more self confidence, that brown was too ordinary. Well I'm writing to you to tell you that you don't need bright coloured hair to make you shine bright, there is something inside of you that will do all the shining for you. And trust me when I say that you are not ordinary. You are extraordinary. There is noone in this world more pure, more kind, more genuine than you and I don't want you to ever lose that. Because when you do, you won't be Marley anymore. Because Marley is the nicest person I know and it hurts me knowing that you want to change." 

Marley looked up tears pricking the sides of her eyes, with a shaky voice she asked to talk to Harry in the other room. She quietly slipped the note in front of Haley before wrapping her arms around Harry's right arm and guiding him out of the room. Haley picked up the note unfolding the letter.

"Haley, I love you." she chuckled in an attempt to lighten up the situation "You're so crazy and fun and energetic. I see the way that you look at Niall. I know you've gone through the most shit out of all of us. You're parents divorced, your mum died the next day from a sickness that she had ever since she gave birth to you. Your dad then lost his job because he spent too much time looking after you and you had to work on the streets begging for money for enough cash to get by. Your dad got back on his feet, you came back to school. You stopped begging. And then your dad died. I know you're sad, I know you're hurting every day. I know that you over compensate with your crazy for all of the sadness cooped up inside of you. Please release that sadness, please find a way to output that. Because remember, some people have it worse than you do because right now, you've got a family. You've got me and if you never need me you know how to reach me."

Haley wiped away a few stray tears with the ends of her sleeves before she handed the note to Niall,

"Irish. Fuck you." with a smile tracing his lips Niall continued reading the letter, "You ruined my relationship, you sent me into a depression swirl and pretty much messed up my life but in some strange way I'm thankful for that. Because you did make my life that much more interesting. I think you are a great person underneath it all and I totally ship you and Haley together. Don't hurt her. Because I know she likes you and I damn hope you like her back. And if you don't, I promise that you will find someone. Because you aren't ugly, you deserve to be in One Direction and I don't care what anyone says, you are a great person."

And with one final laugh, the letter was handed to me. Niall dragged Haley out of the room giving me my privacy. I didn't dare to open the note, if her note to me was even half as heartfelt I knew that I couldn't take it. But I forced myself to take it and picked up the note slowly unfolding it,

"And to Louis, whom I hold most dear." I already started tearing up and I hadn't gotten into it yet, I slammed the note onto the table taking three breaths. One... two... three. Read it. "Never doubt for a moment in your existence my love for you because my love for you is eternal and everlasting. You and I are the best team of all. You are my best friend and the love of my life, my heart, my soul and the one I want to wake up and be with each day. I'm so sorry for leaving, I truly am. I didn't want to but you were right, just like you always are. I need to take this opportunity. But I know that you will always be the one cheering me on through life because you have the arms that are the ones that I want to comfort me. And I think that if we work really hard on this relationship we can do anything because true love, our love. Never dies. It only gets stronger with time. To me, you are perfect and I have trouble imagining life without you. I sometimes wake up in the morning and think about how fortunate I am, how lucky I am to have you in my life. And even though I'm so far away. And even though we're so far apart. And even though this is the cheesiest thing I have ever written. I promise that I will always, always find a way to get back to you. 

Always yours forever and truly,


There was only one word to describe how I felt, lost.

--- 3 Years Later ---


Hands shoved in my pocket I walked down the streets of Doncaster. My hair was loose over the sides of my shoulder and I wore barely any makeup. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a car window which was parked on my street, nothing  had changed in three years. I found myself wondering why I walked down this street, cold and freezing. I then remembered why I was here, because I made a promise. I made a promise to the boy that I loved, that I still love. 

I never got over Louis, nobody could get over a love like that. Nobody can get over something that makes you feel so complete, something that could so quickly tear you apart or completely build you up. I looked around the street alarmed at the memories that were so firmly pressed into my mind, that would forever be there and never leave. 

We hadn't talked for all of these years. I had called him but went straight to voicemail, I had been watching him on the news. He had been busy touring, recording and promoting one direction. Even though he was 24 years old he was still more successful than I'll ever be. I had worked past being an intern, now I was a writer for the teen magazine I now worked for. My job changed from day to day, they apparently liked that I was young, gave a fresh perspective. I saw him on television today, spotted at an airport. When I saw it I hopped straight on a plane to Doncaster. Cherie and Marley told me not to come, that it would be stupid. To move on with my life. I couldn't do that, they knew that and I knew that. I had to see him.

They were just saying that because they got hurt and though I sympathised with them they had to understand that what Lou and I had was special, stronger. Marley and Harry ended up getting back together but a year later Marley came knocking at my door telling me that Harry got someone pregnant, and it wasn't her. It was all over the news, "Harry's a Baby Daddy?" "Harley Finally Split!" "Marley Runs to New York". It turned out that she wasn't pregnant, the test was wrong or something. But Marley was so hurt and wouldn't stop crying for weeks. Harry still tried to call her sometimes but she always clicked decline.

My breakup was all over the news as well. Took the world by storm, I got everything. Hate, Admiration. Mostly hate. News crews followed me around for months asking me about him, asking about my thoughts. I refused to speak. So did he. Mostly because it hurt too much to talk about it, I didn't want to talk about it and apparently neither did he. The reality of it all was too horrible. As I continued to walk down the streets I wiped the tears that started to prick the corners of my eyes. 

Cherie and Liam broke up on bad terms as well. Cherie ended up going on tour with him but one day out of nowhere he kicked her off of the tour, handed her bags and a plane ticket and told her to go. The next day he was seen back together with his ex-girlfriend Danielle. Cherie was heartbroken and just like her sister came to me in New York. 

Haley is currently working in Africa with starving children, she volunteers for everything and anything to do with charity, apparently it had something to do with Niall and a suggestion that he gave her, something he told her. I admired her so much, dedicating her life to giving. She was so pure and generous, even ran her own charity. The Food Fund.

Lilac is still with the boys and is currently working with Lou Teasdale to style them. I haven't talked to her for ages, instead I've been working off of the news. Zayn and her seemed so happy, she always smiles around him and I never hear a single bad thing. They were blissful and I was incredibly jealous of their happiness. 

I found myself wondering how it would be when I saw him, would we run into each others arms crying, kissing and hugging? Would he yell at me? Would he be mad? Would he be sad? Of course he would be sad, of course he would be angry. I couldn't count how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep, watching things on the news with a smile on my face and a bowl of popcorn. Ending up sobbing on the couch with an empty bowl of popcorn and a buttery floor. 

When I reached my house I didn't hesitate before I ran through the door and up to my bedroom door. Just as I was about to burst through my door I froze. I wanted to walk away, run away from this. It all came rushing back to me hitting me like a brick, the lust, the heartbreak, the love. All of it. But I waited there breathing in and out heavily slowly turning the door handle. I slowly eased the door open expecting him to be there, expecting him to be waiting for me. Instead I found a small piece of paper in the middle of the room with the words 

'I'm Sorry' scrawled on with messy handwriting. What? I'm sorry? For what? Did he do something? Did I do something? Millions of possibilities ran through my head as I finally realized what happened. I came back. He didn't.


The End



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