Back For You

They say friendship lasts forever. Louis Tomlinson and Lillian Brie thought that this statement was completely true. But when one "yes" from Simon Cowell changes their fate together they need to find their way back together. After years of solitude, Louis comes back to Doncaster for a visit. Just as he promised. Because when two people are meant to be, they will always find their way back.

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35. Chapter 35 - Beautiful

LILY POV

It's been two weeks. Two weeks since I've last seen Louis. Two Weeks since I've last feel happy. Two Weeks since I've last had a proper conversation with someone. One week since I've felt anything but guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. All I can think about is what a liar I am, why did I lie? Oh yeah, I remember, because I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot.

I had made my decision. Louis. But I was mad, just mad at myself for thinking he changed, for thinking that things could go back to the way they were, I was mad at Louis, mad at him for kissing Alisha, mad at Alisha for kissing him. Did I fire her? No. A persons personal life did not define their skill or their career, hence why I didn't fire her. But I hadn't looked at her. Not since that day. Not even talked to her. 

So I changed my mind. Choose Daniel. Choose Daniel. What was the point in dragging  it out? I had to break up with him. I had to. But... in my weird deranged mind I figured that this way he would be too busy hating me to torture himself, to do what I did, to punish himself by faking happiness with someone else, to punish himself by pretending like this didn't hurt, physically and mentally. Seeing him with someone else... him being withs someone else... it would hurt both of us, me more than him. Maybe thats why I dated Daniel, to hurt him. 

But there must've been a better way to do it, a better way to break things off, to end this epic novella of Lily and Louis, Lily and No Louis, Lily and Daniel, Lily and Louis, Lily and Daniel. But I hate myself for my lie. I hate myself. He hasn't let it out to the public, not yet anyways. He did exactly what Daniel told him to do, left, didn't tell anybody. Didn't tell management, one direction, any of his family, he left. 

The photoshoot went ahead, we edited picture of Louis on, edited different clothes and that. Nobody knew the difference, for all the world new they were taken last week. But no-one believed it, they wouldn't take it. Paparazzi had a way of showing their sorry asses where-ever they went. 

Now I was sitting in a bridal store helping my best friend pick out bridesmaid dresses for her wedding with one of my ex-boyfriends bestfriends with two of my other best friends, one of which is missing her twin who moved to Africa in exchange for one my other best friends because of her ex-boyfriend who is my ex-boyfriends best friend who introduced my ex-boyfriend to another one of my friends who was my ex-boyfriends fake girlfriend because of... well I don't know. But fact is that my life is pretty messed up and crazy but yet, I am sitting here bored. 

And then a concoction of light pink fabric was shoved in my face.

"Try this on." Lilac said continuing to shove it in my face, "Now. Go."

I gave her a look as if to say No. She jutted out her hip shoving it in my face again. I really wasn't in the mood for this, it was a mixture of sadness, anguish and just pure hatred for life in itself. 

"Fine," I grumbled, I went into the change rooms not wanting to really try on this dress. It looked nice enough, floor length, light pink silk with a layer of pink chiffon over the top, strapless top, bejewelled with sequins. Quite a nice dress I would say but with my  current self-confidence and level of self-hatred I hated how it stuck to my body and brought out the brown of my hair and how it made my brown eyes look ever warmer. Ew. I stepped outside crossing my arms and rolling my eyes.

"Lily, you look beautiful…" Lilac cooed placing her hands over her eyes almost as if she couldn't stand to look anymore. Not many had called me beautiful before about three people… but I only remember one…. No. I walked into the changing rooms to get out of this damn dress but I couldn't stop the memory from flooding back into my mind.

"Bloody Hell!" I chuckled whipping my head back as I laughed, "Bloody Hell its freezing! And you thought it was a good idea to come to the fricken beach!"

It was one of those rare moments where mum wasn't working so Johanna and her decided to take both of our families to the beach. It was about 10:00pm and Louis decided he wanted to sneak out to go the beach.

"Fuckkkk!" I shouted standing up only in my bikini bottoms, a white tank top and a button up denim shirt which I had left open due to the fact of it being extremely ugly when buttoned up,

"There!" he shouted not caring that I was freezing my arse off, "Look! Did you see that!"

"I swear to god Louis! There are no mermaids out there they don't exist!"

"No no!" he exclaimed continuing to point out to the ocean, "It's one of those Och! Och! Thingys huh…"

"Dolphins you cow squirt…" I spat trying to follow where he was looking, I squinted my eyes as I saw a single fin come out of the water, "Wow you're right!"

"Damn straight!" he said hitting me in the shoulder,

"Hey!" I exclaimed crossing my arms, "I'm still a girl!"

"Don't look like one," he joked back a smug smile on his face, 

"I look like one more than you," I said sticking out my tongue,

"I'm a guy Lily Bud…" he chuckled throwing a clump of sand at me, 

"You know what I mean," I chuckled flopping onto the sand, "Wait- are you saying I look like a dude?"

"No," he said shaking his head forming a clump of sand in his hands,

"So you're saying I look ugly?" 

"Nah," he said throwing the ball of sand across the beach, 

"So what are you saying?" 

"That I think you're beautiful," he said a cheeky smile on his face,  I rolled my eyes taking his kind-words for granted,

"That's a bunch of squash," I responded chuckling to myself slightly,

"Well a bunch of those dudes at school think so," he said sounding almost… no. Not jealous. 

"Oh right," I chuckled making my own sand ball, "Who?"

"Well for a start Stan, he really fancies you," he said, "Oh and Tyson, god whenever you're not looking I swear I see him ogling you and don't get me started on Mike Wellers I mean… every chance he gets he flirts with you. You're pretty damn beautiful and almost every guy out there is out to get you,"

"Huh," I breathed, "I guess I am pretty great aren't I? What do you think gets em? My excessive swearing? My crazy ass hair that only gets straight because I straighten it so damn much?"

"Now you see," he said shutting me up by placing his hand over my face, "I only see those things, these guys don't know what a psycophatic idiot you are."

"Meh," I chuckled standing up, "You still love me."

"You got me," he responded cheekily reaching up for me to grab his hand, "But I still reckon you're pretty damn beautiful."

"Well," I began, "You're pretty damn beautiful too."

"Lily?" Lilac yelled, snapping me back into reality, "I mean Ann... Or whatever. You've been in there for awhile! You ok!"

"Hm?" I said realising that tears were falling out of the corners of my eyes, "Oh uh... its nothing this is a... it's a lovely dress Lilac. Uh, I'm going to go now. Gotta get back to work," I wiped my tears out of my eyes before coming out and flattening out my skirt.

"Do you want us going with you? Because of the... y'know," Siobhan exclaimed standing up from her spot, "I mean... they can get pretty harsh sometimes."

I shivered thinking of how hoards of paparazzi would be out there waiting for me. They had been following me around ever since Louis fell off the map and they were beginning to scare me and all of my friends knew it. 

"I'll go with you!" Cherie offered standing up to join Siobhan, "I need to go to work as well! Got some photos to edit for the next issue."

"Wait-wait-wait!" Haley exclaimed, "You guys aren't going to wait around for Lilac! Her wedding is in 2 days. Two whole days! Her reception dinner is tomorrow and she's still picking out bridesmaid dresses!"

"Yeah sorry 'bout that..." Lilac mumbled scratching the back of her head, "It's just been hard getting us all together and- well you guys looked all really beautiful." 

I flinched, "Stop... stop that. Please just stop that. I'm, I'm going now..." 

And thats when I picked up my bag and left the bridal shop by myself. Biggest Mistake of my life.

"Lily where is Louis Tomlinson!"

"Miss Brie is your wedding being called off!"

"Ann! Is Louis your version of a home wrecker?"

"Did Louis really sexually assault you?"

"Do you miss Louis!" 

"Louis said you were a whore what is your response?"

For a start, I know that he hadn't said that. I'd been watching the new like a hawk, he hadn't come out with anything. Absolutely anything. Noone could find him anyways and the few people that did, never released his location. Then someone asked something that I just wouldn't put up with.

"Is Siobhan a lesbian slut? Did she try to sexually assault you!"

The fuck. No.

"You know what! I'll give you an answer, to all your questions!" I snapped grabbing someones phone and throwing it to the ground  "All your assumptions. Someday I'll forget the hurt, the pain, the reason I cry at night maybe I'll… maybe I'll even forget the person who caused it and one day I'll realise what matters is not the first chapters of my lives or the longest chapters but the last chapter which I hope to be spending with…" Say Daniel Lily... say Daniel... "with the one I truly love" oh fuck. "and one day maybe I'll realise that smiling, laughing, forgiving and believing is more important that moaning, crying and frowning but for now stop making assumptions and stop asking questions."

 

I was now sitting at home in a pile of pillows, one day after the shopping trip, when my doorbell signalled that someone was here. 

"It's open!" I yelled and in walked my favourite ray of sunshine, Siobhan.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the rehearsal dinner in 5 hours?" she chuckled sitting down next to me in a golden dress, 

"Aren't we wearing pastels?" I offered throwing a pillow at her,

"Silly girl," she chuckled throwing it back at me, "I'm not showing anyone my actual dress until tomorrow! I'm going to look beautiful!"

I didn't know what happened but I choked on the spit in my own mouth which sent me into a coughing fit. Siobhan's face changed from a chuckle to a frown of concern as I finished my coughing fit, I knew that I was caught in the act. 

"He called you that didn't he?" her eyebrows creased together, 

"Yeah well he does in the shower too," I said gesturing to the bathroom, "Just after... after he left I just feel so... ugly and... I just don't want to be called that,"

"I know exactly what you need," she said getting up from the couch and running over to the kitchen, I buried my face in the pillow until I felt a tap on my shoulder, "I brought icecreeeeammm!" 

I quickly snatched it out of her hands prying it open and taking a huge scoop of it shoving it into my mouth,

"Heard anything from him yet?" I asked before shoving another spoonful in my mouth,

"Love," she cooed hugging a pillow to her chest, "Stop asking, not that I have heard anything, but if I had, you know you wouldn't want to hear it, but you know that you would still be the first to know,"

"I'm just trying to keep the faith," I chuckled, "I should probably go get ready... Danny should be done with the shower by now."

"K," she said reaching over and hugging me before dusting herself off, "Y-you looking after yourself right?" 

I nodded my head as I stood up from my pile of pillows,

"Dear god!" she shouted out covering her eyes, "Do you not like to wear pants round the house when you're sad! My eyes! They burn! They hurt more than reading those damn fanfictions on tumblr!"

"You know you love it!" I teased throwing a pillow at her, she expertely caught it using it to sheild her face, 

"Giving ol' Danny a good show aye?" she said making her way towards the door,

"I'll see you there hun!" thats when she ran out of the door slamming it behind her.

"Who was that?" Daniel said coming up behind me and wrapping me in his arms, his hair still dripping wet from his hair, I could practically feel myself being enveloped in his body warmth. I turned round so that I was facing him and I wrapped my arms round his neck,

"Just Siobhan," I mumbled trying to look into his eyes without feeling completely guilty,

"He sending spies after you now?" he asked, "She's been round here an awful lot,"

"She's my best friend!" I exclaimed, "Lilac has Haley, Cherie has Marley and I guess I have Siobhan,"

"Your best friend was Louis right?" he asked, his eyes falling to the ground, "You had him, he had you? I then came round and... I messed things up for you..."

"Look," I said breathing in and out, it was now or never, I had to use it it, I had too, I had to do something to prove to him that I still loved him, that I cared and even... and even if it meant using the speech I meant for Louis I would have to do something "You might make me cry but nobody, not him, can make me smile the way you do. And you make me mad, you make me so, so mad but nobody has ever made me laugh like you have. And you might stress me out, might make me loose hair over you but none makes you happier than I do. And even though once upon a time I thought it would be easier, the righter thing to do to leave you, but everything just felt so… so empty and wrong without you because nothing made sense, nothing felt the way that it was supposed too. But with you… it just.. I can't explain it everything just feels so beautifully wrong but… right?"

"I love you too," he laughed kissing the top of my nose, and oh how badly I wished that I could say it back, "Now go get ready, I'm sure you'll look beautiful."

 

The rehearsal dinner had just finished without a hitch. I didn't think that anything could go wrong, it couldn't could it? Daniel had to leave early, some sort of work commitment. But the speeches were beautiful, tear jerking and Lilac looked lovely, everything was so perfect and so... so Lilac. But as I was walking out something made me stop, a voice I hadn't heard in two weeks.

"You're looking beautiful Lily Bud."

 

***

A/N: FILLER CHAPTER ALERRTTTT! Ok so if you didn't realise I changed the cover to something a little less formal. I hope you guys like it! Sorry for slow update but I'm going to release another movella called "That One Girl" its more cheeky, 1D aren't famous and its pretty cool! Love writing it and been spending a bit of time on it. I have no idea how to continue Hush but if you have any ideas but it in the comments. 

So tell me what you think about the chapter! So ilyasm (i love you all so much) and have a good day!

 

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