Back For You

They say friendship lasts forever. Louis Tomlinson and Lillian Brie thought that this statement was completely true. But when one "yes" from Simon Cowell changes their fate together they need to find their way back together. After years of solitude, Louis comes back to Doncaster for a visit. Just as he promised. Because when two people are meant to be, they will always find their way back.


22. Chapter 22 - Wanting


I woke up in a heated panic. Sweat droplets cascaded down my forehead as my heavy breathing slowly came to a steady pace. I stared around making sense of where I was. Everything was just as it was every morning, grey. I turned around to find the other half of the bed empty, Daniel must have already gone to work. I brushed the hair out of my face exhaling deeply, I felt so emotionally exhausted. Literally as if I was about to flop out of my skin and melt through the floor. I felt as if so much was going on in my life already without him entering it. I was planning my wedding, trying to forget the love of my life, dealing with my own friends individual crisis. I was a mess. Broken. 

I rubbed my eyes stretching my arms high in the air letting out an exasperated yawn. This wasn't me, this wasn't Ann. Ann Marie Brie, I told myself, Get over him. I did my best to block out my recurring nightmare, the one that had haunted me for two straight years. I pushed it out of my head trying to find a happier memory, dreadfully failing. I brushed my hair out of my face exhaling deeply and inhaling sharply. I reached across the bed pulling the covers over my head allowing myself a  few final moments of privacy. 

My eyes were plastered open, was it with fear? No. I wasn't scared of anything, not of Louis, not of anything. Apart from myself. I wasn't scared of Louis, I wanted him, I wanted him badly. I wanted to feel his soft hands on my face, his gentle lips on my neck, his beautiful eyes locked with mine. I wanted it all. I wanted him. But I was scared of my wanting, of my longing, of my lust. I didn't want to open myself up to him again, look what happened when I did. I couldn't put myself through that again, I inhaled deeply attempting to catch a whiff of the cologne that Daniel liked so much, the warm honey scent filled my body with pleasure, I loved Daniel. He was mine, I was his and I knew that he would never hurt me. My eyes darted around the covers which were printed with bluebells. 

"This is so beautiful Lou!" I exclaimed dancing around in my room of bluebells, "How did you know that I loved bluebells? Specifically pink ones!" 

"I told you that I knew you better than everyone else," he chuckled, I turned around to face him rolling my eyes, it was an unusually warm winter and for my birthday he filled my room with pink bluebells, they were strung from the ceiling, placed on ledges, all with small little candles in glass bubbles hanging from them. This was my heaven. 

"Lou, this is the sweetest thing that anyone has done for me..." I mumbled walking towards him still in awe of the room, I craned my neck staring around the room. 

"Well, I knew that you would be alone on your birthday," he began taking my hand in his and holding it to his chest, "But then I thought, at least you'll have me." 

I smiled up at him as my hand remained on his chest, I felt the steady beating of his heart underneath my hand. There were some nights where I wish it beat for me, not Hannah. But I would quickly push the thoughts out of my head thinking that it was a stupid fantasy, that it would never happen, that we were and always just friends. But in that single moment, I forgot all my sorrows. Forgot how both my mother and father neglected me on my 16th birthday. All I wanted to do was to stand on my tip-toes and kiss him. Our eyes remained locked with one another, the other not daring to even look away. I found myself biting onto my lip, hard. He slowly leaned down, slowly slowly just so that his lips hovered over mine. I closed my eyes willing for him to make the first move, but to my disappointment he pulled back quickly and cleared his throat running out of the room, slamming the door shut. I remembered watching him drive away and I remember knowing where he was driving too, back to her, away from me. And it hurt me knowing that and at the time, I couldn't figure out why.But I stood there in my garden of bluebells wondering, could he feel my heart breaking?

I clamped my eyes shut not wanting to remember anymore. I wanted to forget. But I couldn't forget, he had such a big imprint on my life. He was my first kiss, he was my first heartbreak, he was my first love, he was even my first time. My first and last time. I hadn't done anything with Daniel, I felt as if it was almost betraying Louis. I had tried, but every single time I backed out of it, unable too give myself to anybody else no matter how much I wanted to. And I remembered that night so clearly, it sometimes came back to me in my sleep, on the good nights. After we had finished we just lay there for hours, him laying soft kisses on my nose just because he wanted to. Just because he loved me. 

I had spent months, years, trying to forget that. And I did forget about it, as soon as I met Daniel, he made me believe. 

I sat in an old cafe gripping onto a cup of tea with shaky hands. I blew on the hot liquid attempting to steady myself. I hadn't been out of the house in awhile, I didn't know what made me come out today but I felt as if I almost had to. So I stood up, from my pile of tissues, got dressed and left the house. I had tried once before and was hounded with paparazzi or directioners who are convinced I'm the devil spawn. Everything reminded me of him, I refused to acknowledge him with a name, his name brought too much and it was such a shame that it was constantly yelled at me. I started to stir some more sugar into my tea watching the drink slowly turn round, slowly, slowly the salt dissolved into the hot drink, surrendering to the heat. I was snapped out of my trance by the door bell ringing signalling that yet another human had entered the cafe, I shrunk into my booth in an attempt to not draw attention to myself. But to my own luck, he turned round on his heel and threw a smile and a wink in my direction before ordering whatever beverage he wanted at the time. I peered round myself wondering if his smile was for me, surely it wasn't for me. Surely not for the one in a denim dress and over-sized cardigan. But when he started making his way over to me I couldn't help but blush,

"What's a beautiful girl like Lillian Brie doing sitting alone?" he chuckled sliding into the booth, 

"Y-you know who I am?" I stuttered wiping away a loose strand of hair that I had been using to hide my face, 

"Well I do know that you're from Doncaster, absolutely stunning, charismatic, strong-willed and the ex-girlfriend of world-famous Louis Tomlinson whom  should probably stay away from," he replied, "Sorry, am I being a bit creepy?" 

A smile flashed across my face, the first one that I had given the world in awhile, "No not at all, you a directioner?" 

"Sorry, I don't roll that way." he said shaking his hands vigorously in front of me, "But my sister is, she's sort of in love with you. She literally has pictures of you all over her room,"

"Why would she even do that?" I asked, pictures of me around her room? Little old me? Me, who had been moping around for two years?

"Well there's this bunch of group of girls at her school, in love with one direction. So when you started dating him you sort of became, a fascination. This group and her just loved how you presented yourself so started this appreciation club, a little extravagant if you ask me but its sweet," he spoke of his sister in such fondness, I couldn't help but smile at his tone of voice, 

"Well I'm sorry that you had to endure that," I chuckled retreating my eyes to my cup of tea,

"Don't be," he half-shouted, earning a couple glares from the counter assistant, "I mean, don't be. It wasn't exactly a burden to see your face plastered around my house." 

"You still live with your parents then?" I chuckled, 

"No, I just decided that I would live with them for the Christmas holidays, started to miss my little sister being busy with work and everything..." his sentence trailed off

"So thats what the suit is for?" I said gesturing to his tight-fitting suit, "Heading off to work?"

"Yeah and I choose this day out of all of them to run late," he chuckled, "I usually come to this cafe 7:00 every morning so I have an hour to get to work, but of course on the day I meet a beautiful girl I have to sleep in," 

A smile was plastered on my face now. As I looked back up at him and I had to admit that he was gorgeous, but there was something about him that irked me and I knew exactly what it was. It was his eyes, just like... his eyes they were blue and I couldn't help but stare into them picturing... him sitting there smiling up at me, I imagined him, slowly leaning across the table, planting a soft yet emotional kiss on my lips, I was broken out of my trance by him clearing his throat,

"Sorry, do I have something in my teeth?" he asked, I shook my head suddenly feeling quite choked up, "Good, I don't want to give a wrong impression or anything but I really do need to dash,"

"Oh!" I exclaimed suddenly finding my voice, 

He smiled at me and stood up from the table heading towards the door, I forgot how much I missed human contact. I heard the bell ring, signalling that he exited the building. Was it wrong that I thought he was going to ask for my number? Was it bad that I wanted him to ask for my number? But of course he wouldn't, I mean look at me. I'm a mess. But when I heard the now familiar sound of the bell my head flicked up to find him walking back in scratching the back of his head, 

"That was very embarrassing on my behalf, would it be possible to get your number?" he was blushing like crazy and continued to play with the back of my neck, I nodded my head pulling out a pen from my bag and scribbling it on a napkin, handing it to him with a smile on my face and a nod of the head, "Thanks love, my names Daniel by the way."

I felt so bad letting these thoughts enter my head again, Daniel was so sweet, so gentle and so loving. Though we had only been dating for a year, on our anniversary he got down on one knee, poured out his love and proposed. What else could I do but say yes? Saying no would've surely sent me to hell, but I'm pretty sure I'm already going there so hell to it.

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