Back For You

They say friendship lasts forever. Louis Tomlinson and Lillian Brie thought that this statement was completely true. But when one "yes" from Simon Cowell changes their fate together they need to find their way back together. After years of solitude, Louis comes back to Doncaster for a visit. Just as he promised. Because when two people are meant to be, they will always find their way back.

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21. Chapter 21 - Untouchable

- 2 Years Later -

LILY POV

Untouchable. Thats what I am. A wall. I walk with my head held higher, my lips pursed tighter, hair neater. Successful. I'm a success story in my own right. Louis Tomlinson's Ex-Girlfriend finally back on her feet, Chief Editor of one of the most successful magazines in New York. My rejection got every front cover, I was so torn up about it I didn't bother holding my tongue, told the tabloids everything. Did I regret it? No. I told them about our promise, about him breaking it. About him leaving me with two pathetic words. What tore me up the most is that when they asked for his opinion he said nothing, just that he was sorry. That simple phrase pissed me off to no end, there are no apologies. Am I cold? Maybe. But what can you expect? I'm empty, hollow if you will. When he decided to give up on me I gave up on myself, quit my job. Sat around the house crying all day, wondering what it was that I did, what shifted in his life to not come back. I spent all that time blaming myself, constantly telling myself that I was ugly, stupid, unworthy. That was a dark time in my life. But that was two years ago. I'm 25 and a living legend. Living in the same building as my two best friends, Cherie and Marley, with my fiancé Daniel. Real sweet guy, was I happy with him? I've spent days convincing myself that I am. I finally settled on the fact that the love that I had with... Tomlinson is once in a lifetime, I would never be able to replicate that type of love. But what I had with Daniel was close enough. Do I want to marry him? Well, some things are left undecided. 

I continued my brisk walk down the streets of Doncaster. If I had my choice I would never come back, too many things haunted me here. Drew me back to a time which I longed for so much. I don't know how I managed to keep up with the One Direction hysteria that surrounded me. Their fame continued to grow as did my sorrow, my regret. But like I said, all of that happened 2 years ago. I caught sight of myself in a car window. A memory struck me, reminding me of being in the exact same position two years ago. A smirk played of my lips as I continued walking, but today wasn't a day for smiling, or smirking. I was attending a funeral. 

My mum worked for national geographic, it seemed almost natural for her to go so early. I didn't find it surprising, not in the least. It hardly effected me really, I hardly knew her. Didn't even know her middle name. Like I said, I'm cold and untouchable. My mum was a mystery to me, they wouldn't even let out how she died, for publicity reasons. And her will wasn't going to be released for another few months, not that it impacted me that much. I wrapped my arms around my black clothing just a little bit tighter as I approached the church. Apparently she was a Christian, thats nice. I rolled my eyes annoyed at the lack of connection she had to me, even from the dead. However, I put on my best 'sad' face as I entered the church were people were ready to greet me with hugs and condolences. I didn't even know half of these people, were they family? Mum's work colleagues? It felt almost rude to ask so I offered my thankyous and tears. 

I sat in the front wiping my eyes, a few stray tears pricking the edges. I told myself continuously that I didn't care, it didn't effect me. I didn't care. But I did care. She was my mum and the sad fact was that I loved her. Every time she left killed me, more than it killed me to see Louis go. Do I dare say it? More than when my Dad left. More strangers came up to me after the ceremony offering more sad comments that I just wasn't in the mood to hear.

"I'm so sorry," 

"She would be happy to know that you came,"

"I offer my condolences," 

"It'll get better, I promise."

That comment pissed me off, whenever people told me it would get better. The thing is that things don't get better, they stay with you. Unless she randomly comes back from the dead one day things would not get better, they would stay the same. Completely and utterly terrible. Pessimistic, add that to my list of characteristics. As I continued to tune out the nonsensical comments people made, 

"You have my deepest sympathy,"

"I am sorry for your loss,"

One particular comment, one particular voice stood out to me. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

It couldn't be could it? Anything but him. I would honestly kill to have it not be him. Why would he be here? Why would he bother to come? What was he doing? What was he playing at? I closed my eyes blocking out the memories that tried to push their way into my head. That voice, that familiar voice, how badly I wanted to forget that voice. Forget how many times that voice lied to me, everything that came out of that mouth, everything that was spoken by that voice was a lie. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning around to my worst nightmare. Louis. William. Tomlinson.

"The fuck are you doing here Tomlinson?" I spat, the look on his face was priceless, he was obviously taken aback by my tone and I couldn't blame him, I was as well.

"My names Louis," he began, 

"And my name's Lillian, make your point." 

He stared at me his mouth hanging open, I couldn't get the scowl off of my face. Why was I so mad? Two years ago this was the only face that I wanted to see, the only voice I wanted to hear. But I forgot, alot could change in two years. 

"Look if you've come here to apologize I don't want to hear it and would really appreciate if you would leave," I said through my clenched jaw, I was doing all that I could to not cry at the moment holding back tears of built up emotion that had been threatening to spill for years,

"Your mum meant something to be as well Lily-"

"Don't call me that." I spat, "Nobody calls me Lily anymore."

"You changed your name?" he asked with a slight chuckle to his voice, did he find this amusing? Did he find my suffering amusing? Did he find the fact that I changed everything about me to get over him amusing?

"My name is Lillian. You can call me Lillian or Ann. Nobody calls me Lily anymore." 

"You're really going to be that immature?" he asked amusement still in his voice,

"I'm immature? I'm immature? Are you fucking serious Tomlinson?"

"First of all, my name is Louis. L-O-U-I-S, Louis. And stop dropping all the f bombs, can't we be adults about this?"

"No we can't be fucking adults about this Tomlinson," I shouted, I heard a door slam shut and turned around to find the church empty, "The time for being mature is over! Because you know what? You're a dick! You're a big massive dick! And... you know what? I'm not doing this in the house of god. But so god help you Tomlinson if you decide to randomly pop up in my life again I will cut you and not hesitate." 

I turned around on my heel practically running out of the church. I wiped the tears off of my face that now freely fell. How dare he show up randomly in my life again, all of the trauma hit me like a brick. I felt so helpless, pathetic, vulnerable. I hated it. I heard him yell after me things like "Come back!" "Please stop!" "Turn around." But I kept walking, I didn't need to see him. Not anymore. There was a reason I avoided 1D posters, there was a reason I avoided news, there was a reason I didn't cover the celebrity section of my magazine. But when he yelled out,

"What is wrong with you? You've changed!" 

I had to respond.

"Whats wrong with me? Did you just ask me that! Look imagine this. Just lets say I wasn't the first to leave the house ok, lets say you were! Lets reverse the roles ok! Lets play a little game," I began my tone harsh, "Lets say that I promised to keep in contact with you, I was the one to convince you to go after all. But lets say that I didn't keep in contact with you. No calls, no letters, email, Facebook, skype I didn't even mention you on twitter! I didn't pick up your calls, answer your texts nothing! Na da."

"Lily I-"

"But it gets worse!" tears now started streaming down my face and my voice hitched, "Lets say that you completely, you completely humiliate yourself. You go back to Doncaster three years later, you go to your room expecting me to be there. Expecting the love of your life to be there but then you find a fucking piece of fucking paper with two words on it. Two meaningless, heartless, pathetic words Tomlinson! And then you wake up the next day, ten buckets of tears later and you see my face, you see my face on the television and I'm making out with another guy. You find pictures of me with someone else. Pictures of me with someone that I never told you about. Pictures of me that weren't with you. Everyone is saying that me and this mystery guy is the next big thing, that I am so in love. Lets say that you don't believe it, you think photoshop? Just friends? Lets say you have so much love, so much faith in me that you don't believe it." 

"Would you just-"

"But later on in the day you hear on the radio my voice, and you spring up from your bed which is wet with tears to listen, to reminisce, to just hear my voice. You think that there is nothing more, nothing more perfect and angelic than my voice, you find yourself wishing that I was there next to you, whispering in my ear that I loved you. But instead you hear something else, you hear my voice on the radio telling the world that you are in love with this new girl, that she is the one, that there was never anyone like here. Tell me that you wouldn't have changed!" I shouted my voice crazy with hysteria, "Tell me!" 

"Please just-"

"Tell me! Tell me you wouldn't be heartbroken! Tell me it wouldn't kill you sitting, listening and watching me fall in love with someone else that wasn't me!" he opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off by shouting, "Tell me! TELL ME! TELL ME!" 

"What did you expect me to do! You broke my heart Lily! You broke it to pieces! I was so lost for months, I felt so lost and empty and numb... broken." 

"I left you a note, you knew how much I loved you." 

"You ended things with a note! With words!"

"So did you!" I retaliated shoving him back, "At least mine was heartfelt, I told you how much I loved you, how much I would miss you. You told me you were sorry?!" I shoved him again, "I don't need you to be sorry! I needed you to be there! You weren't there! You were with her! Not me. HER!" 

"You don't understand! I don't care about Siobhan!"

"So she has a name huh?" I chuckled crossing my arms,

"Because the truth is, if I could be with anyone in the world. It'd still be you, just like two years ago."

"Well Lou, at some point I might have felt the same. But that was two years ago." 

And with that I turned around and ran away. I couldn't take him being there, I couldn't. Seeing his lips move was enough to convince me to forgive him, was enough for me to take him back. But I couldn't, I was engaged, cold, pessimistic, successful, untouchable. But who was I kidding? I wasn't untouchable. I'm a mess. I'm inexcusably, completely broken.

 

A/N THE HELL?! It came out like a week early?! WHAAAAA! Well even though its shorter (like most chapters will be from now on) it means I'm going to update more frequently. I hope you love it :* Please note that I changed my pen name for privacy reasons but don't worry IT'S STILL ME

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