TRAINING THE COUGAR *warning explicit content*

**Love Story with explicit content **
Shy thirty-something, Fifty Shades obsessive and One Direction fan Alexa, was hiding a traumatic secret from her past. As a result, she'd put up personal barriers and kept friends, colleagues and men at arm's length. Then one summer, Jake Martin appeared all too briefly in her life. He was handsome, clever, kind...and only eighteen! Nothing happened during that Summer, but now five years on, fate had ensured their paths crossed again. Could this traumatised Cougar put the past behind her and could Jake be the one who finally teaches her how to love?


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5. CHAPTER FOUR


 

 

Alexa covered her face with both hands, as huge sobs wracked her body, causing her to shake uncontrollably. This wonderful, wonderful man was in love with her and she was going to break his heart - just like hers had been broken so long ago. Somewhere in the distance, she heard Jake's voice break through her despair.

"Alexa...please sweetheart...Please tell me what I can do to make it better."

WHAT..?

Through her tears she realised that Jake hadn't moved. He was still hovering over her, his weight supported by his elbows either side of her chest. Alexa tried to take in deep gulps of air between her sobs.

"It...it's...n-not you," she eventually mumbled. "It's m-me. I'm not like other women, J-Jake."

She felt Jake's weight shift, as he lowered himself onto her. His lips gently kissed her hands that were still covering her face, damp with her tears.

"Talk to me Alexa," he whispered between kisses. "Please..."

Jesus - what is it with the way he says that one word?

Alexa felt it resonate within her very core. Gradually her quick shallow breaths from sobbing became slower, deeper and she began to calm down. After a few moments, Alexa felt strong enough to finally take her hands off her face and look at him. She found Jake gazing at her through eyes like melted dark chocolate. He shifted again to support his weight on one elbow and gently wiped away her tears with the back of his other hand.

"I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what's upsetting you. I want to help you Alexa. Please..."

Oh God! There was that bloody word again...

"I'VE NEVER HAD SEX AND I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN!"

OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! Have I really just blurted that out?

Horrified, Alexa put one hand over her mouth and flung her other arm over her eyes, tears starting to form rapidly again under her tightly squeezed lids.

She heard Jake gasp and then there was a pause.

He's going to kick me out of his house...

"Is that all, sweetheart?" She heard him ask softly.

HUH?

"I-isn't that enough?" She said in a muffled voice behind her hand.

"Well...for that to be the case at your age and taking into account how upset you are...leads me to conclude you've been very badly hurt in the past."

Alexa slowly moved her hands away from her face and nodded, her eyes still closed. She felt Jake brush away her tears again and place a gentle kiss on her lips. Alexa gasped in surprise and her swollen, heavy eyelids slid open. Slowly Jake rose from the bed. Alexa watched him fearfully as he crossed the room. She took a deep breath as she waited for his next move. Jake went to his chest of drawers and grabbed something from the top drawer. He walked back to the bed and handed her a packet of baby wipes.

"Clean your face sweetheart and then go and lie against the pillows and get comfy. I'm going to fetch our coffees. When I get back you're going to tell me the whole story. Okay?"

Alexa looked at him almost dumbstruck. "You don't want me to leave?" She said in as choked whisper.

"Why on earth would I want you to leave, when it's taken me five years to get you here?" He asked softly. "Try to relax sweetheart, I'll be back in a mo."

He gave her a warm, reassuring smile and left the room.

Relief washed over her as Alexa slowly eased herself off the bed, grabbed the wipes and went to the full length mirror on Jake's wall.

CRAP!

She looked like hell. Her eyes were red and swollen and her mascara had ran in long black streaks down her face. There was no rescuing this, it all had to go. Two wipes later she was pale and make-up free, with red puffy eyes from crying and her wayward wavy hair stuck out at all angles.

Attractive...

With a huge sigh, she threw the used wipes in the bin, took off her boots and clambered onto the bed. Jake re-entered the room holding the two mugs of coffee. He beamed at her.

"That's better! You'd started to look like the Joker from the Dark Knight!" He smiled handing her the mug. "I zapped them in the microwave and made them into Irish coffees with a shot of whiskey. Thought it would do you good."

Alexa shakily took the mug from him and slowly began to drink it. It tasted so good, the perfect temperature, with the kiss of whiskey to soothe her aching body and mind. Once both mugs were drained, Jake took them and placed them on the cabinet next to where he was lying on the bed. He turned to her and opened his arms.

"Come here," he whispered. "Let me hold you. Please Alexa."

 I'm seriously going to have to talk to him about the way he says please. He's impossible to resist...

Giving in to the inevitable, she shifted over to him, put her arm around his waist and her head on his chest, marvelling at how her curves seemed to fit seamlessly into his taut, muscular body. She could hear his heartbeat pounding strongly against her ear and feel the warmth and contours of his abs through his shirt.

I wonder what he feels like without the shirt...

She shut her eyes and inhaled his musky scent. She'd always loved the way smelled from the first time he'd helped her up after her less than elegant introduction. She'd have to ask him what he used. It was just the perfect mix of clean, spicy and manly and smelled amazing on him. Jake intertwined his long fingers with hers at his waist and gently stroked her back.

"Take your time, sweetheart."

Oh, I could just lie like this with him for hours...

It felt so incredibly nice to be held and stroked like this. She took a deep breath and began...

"My parents were both devout Catholics. They sent me to an all girls convent school from the age of five till I was sixteen. I was taught by Nuns, went to church every Sunday and all holy days in between. Sex was never mentioned and boys were pretty much the Devil! The only time sex was finally discussed was just before we left the sixth form, where we were reminded that temptation was around every corner and to keep ourselves 'pure and chaste till our wedding night' as everything else was a sin and a child born out of wedlock was a sin against God."

Jake inhaled sharply. "Jesus - that almost sounds like brainwashing," he said softly.

Alexa swallowed. "I suppose it was in a way. But I knew no better. It had been drilled into me at home and at school. I was an only child and my parents had always said what a massive disgrace it would be to them should I get pregnant outside of marriage. I knew I would have to wait till my wedding night to have sex, so I didn't run the risk of bringing shame to my family." She paused to catch her breath. Jake continued his slow comforting strokes down her back. She took a deep shaky breath before continuing. "Ten years ago I met a guy in a club when I was out on a work colleague's hen-night. He was on a stag night and the two parties ended up mixing together. Paul asked me to dance and bought me drinks all night. He asked for my number and as Wendy, another of the hen party, had copped off with one of his mates, I thought it would be okay." Her voice wavered and she swallowed hard before speaking again. "Our first date was as a foursome with Wendy and Mike. It was a really great night and Paul was very attentive and sweet and when he dropped me off home he asked if he could take me out to dinner alone next time. I was a bit wary as I'd never had a boyfriend and I hadn't had chance to speak to him about my beliefs. But I thought the dinner would be a good time to get it all out in the open." She paused again. "It..it was the first time I'd gone out alone with a man. It took a long time to persuade my parents but finally they relented as long as I was back by ten thirty. I didn't think Paul would agree, but he said it wouldn't be a problem. He was a perfect gentleman for a month, during which time I explained about the way I had been brought up and how important my religion and beliefs were and he said he understood. He never went beyond a goodbye kiss on the cheek." She swallowed hard as bile rose in her throat from the memory of what happened next. She took a few shaky breaths before speaking again. "One evening, the restaurant we were in had a power failure just as our starters had arrived. Rather than take me home early, Paul suggested we got a take-out and go back to his. He'd behaved impeccably the whole time we'd been together, so I really didn't think anything of it." She paused as the memory of that awful night came flooding back. She took a deep breath. "No sooner had we finished the take out on his sofa, he lunged at me. I...I'd never been kissed before, so I didn't really know what I was doing, but I tried my best. Then suddenly he pushed me down on the couch, held me down with one hand and pushed his hand up my skirt with the other. He...he pushed his fingers inside my panties and then tried to force himself on me." Tears began to fall freely down her face as she choked out the words. "I...I was so terrified I couldn't speak, but at least I tried to fight him off me. By the grace of God, somehow I managed to wriggle free. I jumped up, found my voice and I reminded him what I'd told him about my belief's. But he just laughed and said not to worry, he had plenty of condoms and he wouldn't get me pregnant. Then he tried to grab me again, saying he'd been more than patient with me and now it was my turn to reward him."

"Reward him?" Jake couldn't hide the contempt from his voice.

Alexa nodded against his chest as tears continued to fall silently. "I was really panicking by now and feeling so nauseous I thought I was going to throw up. I burst out crying and couldn't stop. In the end he just bundled me into the car and took me home, practically throwing me out of the car as we arrived at my house. I walked around our street for a bit whilst I calmed down. I couldn't walk in looking so upset, my father would have hunted him down." She took a deep shuddering breath.  "Paul dumped me the following day, calling me a frigid prick tease who didn't even know how to kiss! He told Mike, who told Wendy, who told all my work colleagues and made me a laughing stock. None of them wanted anything more to do with me. I was suddenly ostracised both at work and socially."

"Jesus Christ! ARSEHOLE!" Jake spat.

Alexa jumped, lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him through watery eyes. Jake cupped her face and brushed away her tears.

"Sorry sweetheart. Lie back down. Carry on. Please."

Alexa nodded and snuggled back down again. It was so much easier to tell him everything if she didn't have to face him. She turned her face into his chest inhaled deeply and it was a few moments before she resumed speaking.

"What hurt the most in the end wasn't that I had been attacked, or the fact that Paul had completely twisted the story to suit him. It was the fact that these women I had worked with for the best part of two years and who I thought were my friends...all chose to believe him and not me. I thought they knew me better than that." She sighed sadly.

"Did you tell them the full story? How he'd...he'd almost..." Jakes voiced trailed off on a choke.

"I couldn't risk it getting back to my parents. It would have destroyed them and they would have wanted to press charges...and...and I couldn't bear to have gone through all that. I just wanted to forget about it."

"But in the meantime that creepy little bastard got away with it." Jake hissed quietly.

Alexa finally turned her head and looked at him. "I just wasn't strong enough," she whispered. "I was traumatised, outcast, terrified he'd come back into my life, or my parents finding out. I was having dreadful nightmares. I...I just wanted to escape. So I did. I told my parents we'd split up because we realised we didn't have that much in common and I'd left work because I wanted to broaden my horizons and work with different age groups and not just pre-schoolers. Thankfully they accepted that and didn't delve further." Jake nodded and wiped away a softly fallen tear with the pad of his thumb. Alexa smiled weakly and then turned into his chest again. Jake gave her a reassuring squeeze and then moved his fingers into her hair and began to massage her scalp.

"I hated lying to them, but I thought it was for the best." She continued. "So I left the Creche I had been working at and managed to get a job at the Playscheme within a couple of months. I've not had any kind of social life since. I don't have any friends to speak of and I wouldn't socialise with anyone at work as I was terrified the same thing would happen again. Not that there's ever been anyone I really wanted to socialise with. I certainly haven't been anywhere near a man since Paul..." She turned and looked up at him again. "Well...until today."

Jake stroked her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear as she took a few deep breaths. "I fully understand after that experience why you were put off men and sex, sweetheart." He began hoarsely. "But please believe me - you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You did nothing wrong." He said softly.

Alexa smiled in relief. "You have no idea how much hearing you say that means to me. It's been so hard carrying that secret around with me for so long. You're the first person I've ever told."

Jake stroked his thumb over her lips. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine what a terrible burden that was for you. That arsehole had better pray he NEVER crosses paths with me..." He snarled, then stopped as Alexa's green eyes grew wide. He took a calming breath. "And your parents still don't know?"

Alexa closed her eyes and shook her head slowly before opening them again. "My mum suffered a major heart attack two years ago. I was at work and dad was tinkering with his car in the garage. He came in to get a drink and found her on the floor. By...by the time the ambulance came she was already gone. Dad...dad was too shocked to even ring me. I came home and found him just sitting in his armchair staring out of the window. It took me nearly an hour of cajoling until he finally told me what had happened."

"Oh...Alexa..." Jake murmured softly.

"That...that was pretty much the beginning of the end for him. She was his world. They'd been together since their teens. He...pretty much died of a broken heart six months later. I didn't even think that was possible. He just grieved himself into the grave."

Jake wrapped both his arms around her and hugged her. "I'm so, sorry sweetheart. Grief is a terrible thing. People underestimate just how badly severe grief can affect a person. Once you lose the will to live, it's so easy to go under." He released her gently and stroked her head."But I don't understand why you can't have kids..?" He queried softly.

Alexa tilted her head and looked at him. She didn't like talking to him from what felt like the back of her head, but it had just been so much easier to relive all the horrors if she didn't have to face him at the same time. Jake began to massage her scalp again and Alexa felt herself relaxing against the heavenly sensation. She had to remind herself he was waiting for an answer to his question.

"Three years ago," she began softly. "I started to get really bad back-ache, especially during the holidays when I was on my feet for eight hours. I put it down to being busy at the holiday Playscheme but the pain didn't relent - even when we went back to the shorter hours at the after school club - so I went to see my GP. Eventually after tests and scans they found I had a huge ovarian cyst that needed emergency surgery. During the op, the cyst burst and I started to haemorrhage." Alexa stopped and took another deep breath. "They couldn't stop the bleeding so I ended up having an emergency hysterectomy to save my life. I was off work for over three months whilst I recuperated. Thankfully my parents were around to help and I made a full recovery...but I obviously can't have children."

She took a shuddering breath and then slowly lifted her head off Jake's chest and moved upward so she was at eye-level with him. There was a damp patch on his shirt where her tears had fallen. Jake's jet eyes glistened.

"I'm so, so sorry Alexa," he began horsely. "What a shitty thing to happen to you of all people and on top of everything else. I wish I'd been there for you. I can't believe you almost..." His voice wavered and a lone tear slipped down his face.

Oh no! He was crying!

"Oh Jake, no, please..." Alexa pushed herself up and kissed him gently on the lips.

Jake held her tightly to him and softly kissed her back. "Please let me help take the hurt away Alexa," he whispered against her lips.

Alexa pulled back and looked at him, puzzled. "How?"

Jake cupped her face in his hands. "Let ME be your boyfriend. Let me look after you. Let me love you. And when you're ready, and if you want me to, let me make love to you. I'll love and cherish you always Alexa, I promise."

Alexa gaped at him. "You really want to be my boyfriend after hearing all that?"

"Of course! It would have taken a hell of a lot more than that to put me off. " he cupped her face tenderly. "Alexa, I used to drive myself mad at night wondering which lucky man was sharing his bed with you...running his hands over you...making love to you...And all this time..."

"...you'd worried for nothing!" Alexa finally smiled and then her face darkened. "But I can't give you kids, Jake and I know you love them as much as I do...and you'll make such a great dad. I...I can't make this commitment to you, knowing that I can't have children with you."

Jake stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "Sweetheart, if our relationship develops to that level - which I really hope it does - we will see what options are available to us. There is no one I'd rather have kids with than you - whether it's surrogacy, adoption, whatever. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Please say you'll be my girlfriend and give our relationship a go. I love you with all my heart. Please Alexa..."

He seriously has to stop saying that word! It makes my insides melt...

Alexa nodded and smiled happily. Jake beamed and gently brought his lips down to meet hers. He still kissed her gently, reverently, like she was made of glass. After a short while he pulled away. They were both breathless.

"I'm sorry...I'm not a better kisser. You're only the second man I've ever kissed." She said shyly.

Jake smiled adoringly at her. "You kiss me really sweetly. It makes a nice change! I'll show you how to French kiss, but not just yet. Baby steps, Alexa. I'm not going to push you into anything you're not comfortable with. Okay?"

"I...I don't know what to say Jake. Thank you."

He kissed the tip of her nose. "You okay here, or do you want to go downstairs? I know I need the loo - that coffee has gone straight to my bladder!"

"Can we stay here for a bit longer and cuddle? I love the feel of your arms around me."

"And I love how you feel in my arms, sweetheart. No worries, I'll go to the loo and be straight back. We can cuddle for as long as you like. Can I get you anything?"

Alexa reluctantly rolled off him. "No. I just want you."

He took her hand and kissed her on the knuckles. "Good. Be back in a mo."

He slid off the bed and headed off to the bathroom. Alexa sat up. She felt light. Really light, like a huge weight she had carried around for so long had lifted. She'd finally told someone the whole truth and it felt cathartic. And he hadn't laughed, called her a freak or a tease, or threw her out of his house. Alexa shook her head in disbelief.

HE. LOVES. ME. He actually said those actual words to me. OUT. LOUD.

Alexa closed her eyes, hugging herself happily and relaxed against the pillows, letting his words swim around inside her head. He said he wanted to teach her how to French kiss and how to make love. Oh God, she REALLY wanted that.  The mere thought of it made her tingle in dark, secret places. In fact, she could feel all her insides tingling - like her blood had suddenly turned into Champagne and was coursing through her veins. She opened her eyes and looked up happily as Jake re-entered the room.

OH. JESUS. CHRIST...

 

...HE. IS. SHIRTLESS...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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