Irish diddy (FINISHED)

Love can be fucking complicated...
(a Niall/Harry fanfic)


17. Irish diddy; Chapter 17


I opened the door. “What…?” was the only word that could escape my mouth. “Can I come in?” – “Um sure why not?” He sat down on my bed and I joined. “So how did it go?” and in answer I repeated what I said to Louis already. “What does it look like?” and with that sentence my hand went to grab another tissue. “Look as hard as this sounds but I’m not here to comfort you or anything…”

I looked into his blue eyes and ‘Confused’ probably was written over my face.

“What is it then?” – “Look… when Harry went off yesterday and you told me that he actually thought you’d just fought and I said you could leave and fix it… I hoped you would stay. I knew that if you… leave that he is more important to you than I am. And now I know… But I don’t want to know it. I don’t know what to do… I need your advice I mean this sounds weird and my sentences just won’t make sense right now. Could you be my best friend now and tell me… should I fight for this all… what I want just so bad that I can’t think of anything else or leave it because there’s a high chance it wouldn’t work out?”

Five minutes of silence. “You know…” Another five minutes of silence.

“I don’t know. Well my head says this wouldn’t work out and my heart says tell him to fight for it but… I just can’t tell what really happens. As your best friend I would say if you leave it then firstly there will be this unsolved thing between you and the girl forever and secondly you can’t tell what amazing memories you two could make together and you don’t know what you’re missing out. But in the end it’s your choice what you pick to do, not mine”

He looked at me for a while. “I need to over think this… do you mind if we just stop talking for like a while? So I can figure out what I really want…” – “Whatever you say, I can’t change your mind”

He laughed sarcastically. “Yes you can. Tell me one word and I’ll be yours. But you said that you can’t make the choice for me… so it’s your choice that I choose that we don’t talk” I nodded and he stood up. “See you again when I see you I guess?” – “If you want that”

He left and I felt the awkwardness in the air for more than one hour. At the same time I thought over this all. Today I lost my boyfriend, my boyfriend after that and both of my best friends. So basically I was alone right now. Just me. And my tissues.

I lied on my bed thinking about the awesome memories I had with both of those boys. I loved them both I really did. How could I choose? I knew it would be Niall anyway but somehow I couldn’t fully let go of Harry. It was hell on earth.

That night or should I say morning I dreamed that Harry Niall and I went to the beach. They both swam around in the sea when suddenly both of them got attacked by a shark. I could only save one of them and I couldn’t pick. I saw them both getting killed and only stood there crying. At least I could’ve saved one. But I didn’t. As I woke up I thought that this dream might have told me that I was meant to be with neither of them both.

Because of the fact that I just couldn’t choose.

I took a look at the watch and realized it was 5 in the morning. To get a free head I decided to go jogging. I put on my jogging suit and put my hair up into a ponytail. I got outside and just started running. Trying to run away from last night, from my decision, my life and my situation. I sprinted a few rounds around all the houses of Dover College and in the fifth round I noticed somebody was running behind me.  Deciding not to look back but designing a little race between me and the second runner I ran faster and faster, always listening to the steps behind me. After another two rounds I got to curious who it was and I slowed down. The cold air was splitting my lungs into pieces as I was heavily catching breath and the same seemed to happen with that person. “Do you have… have water?” I coughed. “No… Sorry” he said.

“Oh my god WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS! Seriously why are you both so clingy when you wanted to leave me alone? You were the ones who didn’t want to see me in a while! These unsolved things seriously seriously seriously! I can’t talk to you both could you please fuck off fuck off fuck off? I need TIME that’s all I need! ALL I NEED IS TIME!” Harry stretched a bit then sat down on the ground and patted the spot of grass next to him.

“WHAT?” I screamed. “Something about hurting me? Something about you’re sorry and everything was a mistake? I can’t do this anymore I can’t! As soon as you apologize Niall will show up sooner or later and will want me back as well and I will have the choice again! I can’t do this anymore what is wrong with you guys??” – “It’s about Niall though now would you please sit down?” I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him. “What is it?” – “Well I couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk earlier at around 2am and then I saw a taxi. The principal was there and had his hand on the shoulder of a student. I was curious who it was so I ran over. ‘Are you really sure about this? The school therapist is always there for you’ the principal said and the student answered ‘Yes I’m sure, thank you though’. I arrived there just to see that the student was Niall. ‘Where you going mate?’ I asked and he answered ‘Going to Ireland’ and I was speechless. He handed me this letter and told me to give it to you. So that’s it, I didn’t read the letter though. Bye” he said and after handing me the letter he stood up and sprinted back to their house.



when you read this I have already arrived in Mullingar. I just need to distance a bit… I will think of you everyday though. I don’t know when I’m coming back. This is so hard to write down.

Please forget me.

I love you

Niall. xxx

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