Finding hope

Elaina was in the 8th grade, and hated it. she was failing, bullied, losing her best friend, and walked home everyday to an abusive household. She hated herself. everyday, she just wanted everything to end. She had one friend only. She was dying inside. She knew it. And she didn't do anything to stop it. Until one boy saved her, and gave her hope for her life.


4. Breathing in Fresh Air

I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to go back to school. I was staying at Meghan's house for the weekend. I logged on to my facebook. 'Better luck next time!' 

Imagine a feeling where, everything gets so big in your head, and then you just explode. You can't stop crying. And it's not the beautiful, inspirational cry. It's the kind where your throat gets sore and your face just gets so ugly and you cry for hours. Now imagine a little girl. Imagine your first memories being your parents screaming at each other and at you. Imagine everything you have being shattered. Your only Grandma died and you only have one friend. You can't concentrate on school because of the name calling and insults. And imagine that the only way you can possibly escape that feeling is even more pain. but you bring it upon yourself. It takes away the pain in your real life. It numbs you out. And you become addicted to this pain reliever. you pick up the blade in your hand. And you try to stop. The next day, you'll go 'that was the last time. I'm stopping' but that night you explode again. Imagine this is a never ending cycle. And that girl is you. I  know that girl is me. I'm ashamed of her. She shouldn't be here. She is worthless.

"Elaina? You okay?" Meghan walked into the room. 

"I'm fine." I wasn't crying this time, but we both knew that was a lie. i closed the laptop and walked over to the full length mirror. 

"You're so perfect, Meghan." I turned to the side and sucked in my stomach a little bit. It was true. Her shiny, caramel wavy hair framed her tan, glowing skin with a constellation of freckles along her nose. her eyes were a beautiful golden green blue magical color and her eyelashes were thick and curly. Her lips formed a perfect coral heart shape and she walked over to me. 

"Nah. You are. I don't know why you refuse to believe that. You always compare yourself to everybody when you don't even know just how stunning you are. It makes me sad. When I think of you. You're giving up on yourself. And I honestly don't know how many inspirational speeches i have to give for you to believe that. " She smiled at me. "Come here."

I moved into her arms and put my head on her shoulder.She put my head up and tapped my nose. "You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're perfect. Don't you dare say anything about yourself but that. Ok?" I smiled into her arms.

"You know, screw boys. I'm gonna date you."

"That'd be perfectly fine with me." We laughed and I plopped down on her bed. She was the best thing I had going for me right now.But really, I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted a boy to call me beautiful. That's never happened before. I want a boy to hug me and care about me. 

I've had to start taking pills. For depression. I'm starting with a clean slate. I'm clearing my head at Meghan's house before a bunch of shit happens again. I smile at her. She really is the best friend ever.

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