The Memior of Lynn: Junior Year

Lynn is almost done with high school. She just has to make it though the next two years and then she is off to travel the world and explore the wonderful world of college and life outside of Virginia. She thought she had it easy but she must have been horribly wrong because now nothing is going the way that she planned. He mothers cancer returned just when they both thought all of that was out of their lives forever.

Then she meets Adam Wilson. He is nice, listens to her, and is an awesome friend. But then things get more serious and she doesn’t know how to deal with it all.

This is a typical story about a teenage girl finding herself in a confusing place, something that everyone can relate too. I am positive that you all will love it!

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13. January 6, 2012

 

               Lynn knows that her life isn’t all sorrows. One thing she cherishes every day is her friends because they help her get through her day. Lynn knows that she is the one who makes her life so horrible. If she could just get through one day without negative thoughts about every little thing that happens, then Lynn will be better off. Way better, but that is easier said than done because trying to change a life is near to impossible.

               Lynn thinks about these facts as she replays the past hours in her head. Lynn has spent her night sitting in the basement of a friend form school, Brooke. When Brooke, Katherine, and Lynn were together, it seemed that all of Hell would break loose with the activities that they endured. In fact, the three friends currently stood outside, the door to the basement closed firmly but unlocked as to hide them. Their puffs of breath escaping their mouths that resembled smoke mixed with actual smoke that made Lynn wants to cough in fits, but she held those back. Lynn leaned against the wall, nonchalant, as she fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt and stared blankly out at the horizon in front of her. The horizon was their only source of light at the moment and slightly illuminated the bland area around them, but only so. The three teenage girls were silhouettes in the semi-darkness and the clouds of smoke seemed to just engulf them even farther into it.

               “Want some?” Katherine held out what looked like a stick in the darkness, but she knew very well what it was when the smoke continued to escape for the tip that Katherine pushed towards her. Lynn took the rolled-up weed and inhaled the smoke without hesitation on the matter. She didn’t care.

               “Sure,” Lynn answered as she took the rolled- up weed and placed it between her lips, sucking in and letting the smoke fill her lungs completely before breathing out that smoke. Lynn giggles slightly as the smoke covers her line of sight and for a second she can’t see anything as she hands the weed back to Katherine and the cloud of smoke blocks her view. Katherine follows Lynn’s lead and puffs the smoke through the already too smoky air.

               “Does it hurt?” Katherine turns to Brooke and asks her. Brooke pulls up her pant leg and holds out her foot to show off the unofficial tattoo that Katherine spent the past hours work on perfecting. Lynn found it slightly interesting to watch this go down through the night as Katherine manufactured her tattoo making with only a sewing needle, ink from a black pen, and some wet paper towels to wash the blood and access ink off with.

               “You get used to the pain after a while.” She replied. The faint black ink managed to find its way into the light as it shone through the darkness and they all just stared down and smiled at the tiny something that they had accomplished. Lynn didn’t know why looking at this made her so happy at that moment. Maybe it was because of the feeling of accomplishment that it gave her? Or maybe it was the fact that she always got some form of happiness out of seeing Katherine’s joy illuminate from her, as if it were her aura surrounding her.

               “How long do you think that it will stay there? Do you know?” Lynn asked. Katherine contemplated the time length of the tattoo for a solid five minutes before answering. Lynn didn’t know if it was because she just didn’t know the answer, or if it was the weeds effects on their brains.

               “Oh, I don’t know. That was the first time I have ever attempted it. Maybe a couple months? Maybe forever? I guess we will find out in due time.” Katherine faintly laughed as she talked. Lynn watched as Brooke’s eyes widened to the thought of Katherine permanently marking her body, and for the first time at that.

               “Wait, you mean to say that you have never done that before?” Brooke’s voice seems to rise, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

               “I wasn’t thinking about it at the time. And I really wanted to try it on you.” Katherine just smiled at Brooke and her angry state. Brook couldn’t stay mad for long and ended up smiling along with her. Lynn’s head felt a bit cloudy and she almost forgot why this was so, but soon remembered that the weed was probably just starting to kick into her system. She couldn’t help but burst into a laughter that has never been so true and Katherine and Brooke just watch her for about one minute longer before that burst into such laughter as well. The vague light showed many colors now that Lynn did not seem to notice before the smoke entered her brain. The sky flashed many shaded of deep orange and purple that blended well with the dark grey of the smoke that still seemed to linger in the air around them. Brooke’s black inked tattoo printed onto her ankle was planted it the light shining from the sky, showing its beauty to the world. The burning weed, now nestled between two of Brooke’s fingers, was a dark forest green that slowly was turning a blacker color as the orange of the fire inched its way closer and closer to the opposite end. Minutes must’ve gone by because Lynn was shaken back to reality with Katherine’s two hands placed onto her shoulder as she was lightly shaking her body back and forth.

               “You ok, Lynn?” Katherine asked her.

               “Oh, yes. I was just, just thinking about life. You know?” Lynn responded.

               “Or?” Brooke said in her asking tone, as if Lynn were lying about something.

               “Or what?” Lynn asked Brooke, a tad confused.

               “Or you were just thinking about Adam, of course,” said Brooke.

               “Actually I wasn’t, but thank you for reminding me.” Lynn said this with heavy sarcasm and a glare that made Brooke’s stare move to the weed in her hands.

               “Sorry,” Brooke said.

               “Am I missing something here? How are you two anyways?” Katherine asked. Lynn could see that she was sincerely concerned about Lynn and her well-being by the tone used in her voice. It was soothing to Lynn, but that didn’t hide the pain that suddenly filled her insides and made her throat burn as if it were being lit on fire. Brooke already knew most of what has gone down. Brooke and Lynn have French class together along with another girl, Lexis, who also sits with them and gossips.

               “I think I will go take that shower now. I can see you all won’t be too bored with me gone.” Brooke said before reentering the house and Lynn could hear the distant sound of the water in her shower turning on and silence continued to fill the air before Katherine chose to speak.

               “So, tell me. How are you and Adam doing? Last time I saw, you guys were awesome.” She started off saying. The burning in her throat continued to build more and more, Lynn having to swallow constantly to even manage controlling it at all. Lynn didn’t know if she would be able to speak either, considering her state at the moment. Lynn also didn’t even know where to begin.

               “It’s nothing really. Just me being stupid, I guess.” Lynn managed to get out.

               “I am sure it is not stupid. Maybe talking about it to someone neutral in the subject will help you out.” Maybe Katherine was right? Lynn had only ever talked about Adam to Rae and Rae was probably against Lynn because she is friends with Adam. Lynn took a deep breathe, pushing the want to cry down to the pit of her stomach which made Lynn feel a tad sick, but she ignored that feeling as she thought of where to even begin.

               “Adam and I kissed when we had that half-date at the pizza place.”

               “Why was it only half a date?”

               “Rae and Michael were with us.” Lynn glared at Katherine but in the way that said she wished it could have just been her and Adam and not the four of them that day.

               “Oh,” Katherine let out a small laugh, but her smiling faded when she saw the hurt look that formed itself in Lynn’s eyes. Hurt filled her body and she just wanted to cry the night away. Lynn held those feelings inside her, but those feelings still showed.

               “That still sounds awesome. Why does it make you so sad?” Tears found themselves filling Lynn’s eyes as she found the courage to speak. The knots in her stomach wound tighter and tighter and her throat felt so tight that it just made it that much harder to find her way to breathe. Lynn managed to do so and held in her hurt as much as she possibly could.

               “Because he has a girlfriend now.” Lynn found her gaze move to her feet as she muttered these words to Katherine and the clouded state her mind was still currently under from the weed only made it that much harder for her body to not find its way to the floor. Katherine seemed speechless now.

               “Oh. Well I can see why you seem to down lately.” She said.

               “Yeah,” was all Lynn said as a single tear made its way down her right cheek. Lynn realized this and felt her body jump in hyper speed as she whipped the salt water from her eyes, “Sorry.” She said, as if crying were a crime.

               “It’s ok,” Katherine said to Lynn, her voice soft and full of care, “You know, you can cry if you want to. I know holding it in is your thing, but sometimes it is good to cry. Bottling in all those emotions must be hard. I can’t even do that.” Lynn knew she was right, but after years and years of hurt in her life, Lynn has learned one thing that seems to prove itself repeatedly whenever something goes wrong in her life.   

               “It won’t fix anything. Crying won’t make the situation go away.” Lynn’s fists were balled at her fist and she continued with deeper, longer breathes that seemed to be the only thing to sooth her want to cry her eyes out. Katherine just nodded and in the distance, Lynn could no longer hear the sound of shower water, sounding the end of Brooke’s shower she assumed.

               “Why don’t we go inside?” Katherine suggested. Lynn held the left over weed in her hand that no longer burned.

               “What should I do with this?” Lynn asked.

               “Just throw it over there,” she pointed to a cluster of bushes in the distance, “if anyone gets in trouble it will be Brooke, not us.” The bother smiled at the thought as Lynn threw the weed away and she turned to walk inside, only to have Katherine stop her.

               “Hey,” Katherine started, “you are going to be just fine.” She said and it was at that moment that Lynn thought Katherine just might be telling the truth. Maybe she would be ok? Only time would tell. 

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