The Memior of Lynn: Junior Year

Lynn is almost done with high school. She just has to make it though the next two years and then she is off to travel the world and explore the wonderful world of college and life outside of Virginia. She thought she had it easy but she must have been horribly wrong because now nothing is going the way that she planned. He mothers cancer returned just when they both thought all of that was out of their lives forever.

Then she meets Adam Wilson. He is nice, listens to her, and is an awesome friend. But then things get more serious and she doesn’t know how to deal with it all.

This is a typical story about a teenage girl finding herself in a confusing place, something that everyone can relate too. I am positive that you all will love it!

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16. January 26,2012

               Lynn has been lying in bed all day. She didn’t feel like moving or doing anything. All she felt like doing today was staying in bed as she starred up at the ceiling and replayed her afternoon with Adam over and over again in her mind. She caressed her skin as she thought this to herself, which heightened the mental touch Adam had given her. When she closed her eyes, all she could see were his starring right back at her, dark, brown, and wedged in her thoughts. She was still deciding how she felt about all of this.  

               Recent events had left Lynn with so many questions that she had not known where to start. What did this mean for her and Adam? Better yet, why did she even go over there in the first place? She just left her home in the middle of the afternoon without even thinking about anyone else but herself. This made Lynn feel guilty for her actions. She didn’t even think of what her family must’ve thought when they came home and found her already asleep at only 8:30 PM. Lynn usually sleep later than that, so she guessed that they were a tad suspicious already. Why did she let that happen? This was the question she wanted answered. Lynn knew that she wanted to be with Adam, but thinking back to that day, she feels a bit stupid for thinking that her dreams were coming true. He already has someone else who he can call his, so Lynn wondered why she let all of this happen. Lynn always did this to herself. She over thought everything too much for it to be the slightest bit healthy, and she knew this, but for some reason, Lynn could never seem to just let things go. This time she wanted it different, but she knew that was easier said than done.

               Not all of her thoughts were negative as such. Lynn was also pretty happy with herself, considering everything that went down. His warm kiss still lingered and she shivered with seduction as she replayed his kisses all over body. This made her body chill and she wrapped the violet comforter tighter about her body, making it feel as if his muscled arms were the comforter instead. She pulled tighter, wishing her mind wasn’t lying to her. Lynn was at the verge of sleep consuming her before the phone rang, it nestled on her bedside table. The phone sounded loudly in her ear. She jumped, startled by the loud ringtone, but smiled when she saw whose number displayed on the screen.

               “Hey,” Lynn greeted. Glancing over to the alarm clock that also sat upon the bedside table. Lynn noticed it was later than the usual time that Adam would call her. Everyone is asleep by this hour.

               “Hey,” Adam said a moment later.

               “I was actually just thinking about you. Hoped you would call.”

               “What we did was wrong.” Adam said, taking Lynn a tad by surprise. All of Lynn’s happiness has suddenly disappeared when he has said this.

               “Wow. Straight to the point, aren’t ya?” Lynn hid her hurt with sarcasm.

               “What we did was wrong,” Adam repeated himself. Lynn tried to see the positive side to his word, but she knew what he has meant and there wasn’t a happy ending to all of this. All she had was the hope that it couldn’t be. Lynn didn’t want to, but she could feel all her hurt building up inside her throat, a burning sensation that continued to build as the silence continued.

               “Yes. Yes it was.” They were the only words Lynn could manage to get out without crying. She was holding everything inside of her and she felt as if she were about to explode with the guilt that had been haunting her thoughts the past couple of days since she had left his house. It seemed that the more she tried to hide her pain with the happiness she had, the guiltier she felt and this only made Lynn feel even worse that she had already anticipated.

               “I don’t know what to do. What do we do?” Lynn managed a faint smile as Adam still confided in her for guidance, but the smile soon faded at his question. There was the hint in his tone that made it seem this was all Lynn’s fault. She knew that it wasn’t. He pushed her, not the other way around. Right?

               “Maybe you should tell her.”

               “Why me?” Lynn could hear the faint static of the phone as if Adam paced his room at the current moment, and it felt that each shot of static through the line made it harder for Lynn to hold back her sadness that seemed to always seep inside her chest every time something happened to her. Lynn felt as anger seeped in now, Lynn upset with herself that it hurt to be this upset.

               “Adam, she is your girlfriend,” Lynn said. Adam sighed a heavy sigh through the phone line, followed by springs sounding of his bed in the background as he sits.

               “You are such a hypocrite.”

               “Me? I’m the hypocrite?”

               “Yes.”

               “How am I the hypocrite here? I was only trying to get you to realize that what we are doing is wrong. We should have stopped this at the beginning, before it got this serious.”

               “You knew that it was wrong! You knew this whole time and you didn’t even stop! You just kept it going and going until it was too late! And guess what! Now it is too late! There is no stopping it now!”

“Are you really blaming this all on me?”

“Just don’t talk to me anymore.”

“You don’t mean that”

“Just don’t.” Adam didn’t hang up after that. Instead, he lingered on the other side of the phone line a few minutes longer. Lynn was afraid to say anything at all in the worries that he may get even more upset, but the silence that rang in her ears was too deafening for her to handle. There was no click sounding his departure, just the faint sound of low, deep breaths.

“Adam,” Lynn said through the gasps of breath hiccupped her words as the entirety of her emotions bubbled inside of her. She thought she had her feelings under control but apparently that was not so because soon her cheeks were soaked with the salt water of her tears as they continued to flow themselves down her face, dripping to her lap and soaking the bare skin of her legs. Lynn couldn’t explain why she was acting this way, just that she was and she had no clue how to stop it all. She lay back down on to her bed and consumed her beneath every blanket and pillow she could find to wrap about herself.  Lynn tried to prevent herself from the sobbing that wants to escape her lips, knowing that Adam would just find her a fool, but this task is found difficult as the silence continued.

“Adam,” she found herself repeating his name.

“Just stop,” He finally spoke, preventing Lynn from speaking anymore.

“I’m s-” Lynn went to apologize for something that she didn’t mean to do, but Adam stopped her. Lynn knows that this isn’t her fault but for some reason she feel that it is her duty to take the blame for this. Lynn also knew that what she did was wrong. The pain that filled her chest wasn’t hurt or sadness or the pain that was making her tear up. It was the guilt that was consuming her sanity that hurt the most.

“I can’t talk to you anymore,” he said. The words hit her chest like a bullet being shot from two feet in front of her, quick and painless until it actually hit her and everything came rushing in.

“You don’t mean that.” Lynn was surprising herself with words she didn’t know she had the courage to speak, the sobbing she held inside her chest and the tears that were still flowing continuously.

“Yes. Yes I do. Bye.” Those were his last before he left the same way he had come. The click of the phone line ending sounded in her ear and then the only thing that was keeping her awake was the continuous ring of the phone that told Lynn the conversation was long over. Lynn had no reason to hold in anything now that Adam was gone so she let everything out of her system. The tears flowed and flowed and there was a moment in the night that she was beginning to feel they were never going to stop. The guilt never left Lynn as the night hours crept on. She knew she was not going to sleep well and that wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t had the obligation of school the next morning.

It was past midnight by now and when she knew that she was not going to sleep she slipped out of bed. The lights were still off, the only light shown was that illuminating from the moon just outside her windowsill. Lynn didn’t know what she was to write about, but she grabbed the nearest notebook, a composition with simple black and white cover binding the lined paper inside, and started writing. She sat facing the window so she could watch as the full moon descended over the trees surrounding her property and she wrote. She never went back and read what those words were, just that she knew it was helping her in some way she could not explain. She continued in this fashion of starring at the moon and unknown words throughout the night. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. 

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